


Beautiful

by Niori



Series: Beautiful Verse [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Community: norsekink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niori/pseuds/Niori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is relieved when he bears Thor an aesir looking heir (instead of a "monster" like his other kids). And then the kid starts shapeshifting. Loki is terrified that his baby will be taken away, but Thor isn't going to let anyone touch his family. Not even his father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is for a fill over at Norsekink. Enjoy!

Beautiful

 

Mother of Monsters.

Loki loathed the title, which was probably the reason in had persisted through the centuries. The people of Asgard could be cruel, and they did so love being so to him. It wasn’t the slight to his manhood or honour that he hated –he had been dealing with that since he discovered his talent with magic-, but what that title meant to his children.

The people who called his children monsters were the ones who were on the receiving end of his most vicious tricks. The population had learned rather quickly that that was not a slur one used while Loki was in earshot. 

His children, for all that was different about them, were not monsters. The forms their bodies took meant nothing, because in Loki’s eyes, they were nothing less than perfect. When Vali came, completely Aesir shaped and already looking like his father, the relief Loki felt was not because this child was perfect, but because he would be perfect in the eyes of Asgard.

Thor had carried their newborn in his arms, proclaiming him to be the most beautiful child ever born in the whole of the Nine Realms, and Asgard had agreed with him (half of it had to do with the shock that Loki had been the one to bear him, of that Loki was sure). Loki wept, because this child they could not justify taking away from him. 

With Sleipnir, it had not been so much justification as an attempt at kindness. Loki had not meant to be caught by Svaðilfari , had not meant to be violated by him. Becoming pregnant had left him reeling, and even once Sleipnir was born, Loki had not been in his right mind. He had been young, barely old enough to be considered a man, and he was lost and confused. He was not ready for a child, let alone being the mother of one. It did not mean that Loki did not love his son, or had any desire to abandon him. He didn’t blame the colt, but could not see him without remembering the pain and humiliation. There was shame mixed up in the love, and it was possible that it would drive him insane. 

His father, who he knew felt guilt that he had made Loki ‘fix the problem’, stepped in and offered to care for Sleipnir while Loki dealt with it all. It hadn’t been cruelty, but kindness, and Loki grabbed onto it. Odin was one of the best horsemen in all of Asgard, and Sleipnir needed to be cared for, in part, as a horse, so Odin was suited for the job. He presented him as Sleipnir Lokison, prince of Asgard and King of Horses. There was pride in Odin’s voice, and when Thor commented in that cruelly joking way of his and in front of the entire court that ‘surely you’ve named him wrong Father. Should it not be Lokijarson’, the tongue lashing that Odin had given him had almost reduced the Thunderer to tears. 

It was only with time and permission that Sleipnir became Odin’s mount. Sleipnir agreed to carry his Grandfather as long as he was not trapped in the stables and was able to wander freely and at his own will. Odin agreed, because Sleipnir was his grandson, and he did not want to make a slave of him. Odin’s treatment of Sleipnir was nothing but respectful, and it wasn’t the fact that his son was his mount that bothered Loki. It was how others treated Sleipnir because of that role. They treated Sleipnir as through he were any other horse. A royal steed, to be sure, but an animal nonetheless. Sleipnir’s intelligence matched that of his father (and outweighed many around him), and to be spoken to as though he were some dumb animal, galled him to no end, as it did Loki. 

It wasn’t until later, once Loki’s mind was settled and Sleipnir no longer a colt, did Loki realize what he had missed. He hadn’t abandoned Sleipnir (he had, in fact, spent much time with him as he grew), but nor had he truly raised his child. Loki, with the power of hindsight, mourned that fact. Which was why, years later, when he once again found himself with child, he pledged to do things differently. 

Jorgamund was an even greater surprise than Sleipnir, because there had been no shape shifting involved. It wasn’t completely unheard of for men to become pregnant, but it was extremely rare. After a stunned moment of shock at finding out, Loki realized that he shouldn’t be surprised. By this time, Loki was beginning to believe that the universe took great pleasure in taunting him.

Once again Loki was to be a mother. The news was taken much differently this time. With Sleipnir, there had been choice on his part, and his family felt guilt (even Thor, but the bastard did his best not to show it). Now, it was an accident of his own making, and his family took it differently. Thor, while not being completely open about it (and punishing anyone else who dared speak the same sentiments) was embarrassed, his father had a look of disappointment, though he did not express it, and his mother was sympathetic and kept looking at him like he was some poor maiden who had been ill used (he wasn’t, thank you very much). Out of all of them, Sleipnir took the news the best- he was overjoyed at the prospect of a sibling.

There was nothing out of the ordinary with the pregnancy, so when the time came and he gave birth to a snake, Loki was more shocked than everyone else. Despite the rumours, he had not, in fact, lain with a snake (it had been a drunken one night stand with one of the palace guards). When he bewilderedly asked both his mother and father how his son came to be in the shape of a snake, of all things, Odin hadn’t given him a clear answer, only that sometimes the magic of the mother sometimes affected the child in some way.

So Loki was left without any real answers, and as much as he loathed ignorance, and all he could do was shrug it off and raise his son. With most of his mother’s well intentioned advise no longer applicable, Loki took to the library for details how to raise a snake (when he hadn’t found enough information that way, Loki had forced himself to ask a very not amused Heimdall). 

Jorgamund was like his brother in that his intelligence was that of an Aesir, though his body was that of a beast. He enjoyed hanging about his father’s shoulders as Loki went about his day, and would snicker at the fearful responses his presence provoked. He shared his father’s snarky wit, though few ever heard it. Out of all of his children, it was Jorgamund who had Loki’s love of a good trick. When he wasn’t around Loki’s neck, he was around Sleipnir’s. Sleipnir took his elder brother duties seriously, and took great joy in carrying his brother around the wild parts of Asgard. It reminded Loki of how, when they were still children, Thor would drag him along looking for some sort of adventure.

It wasn’t long until Jorgamund was far too large to fit around either of their necks. He took to slithering beside them, even when he grew to larger than them both (Sleipnir had pouted for months when Jorgamund became larger than him). Fearful looks turned to terrified ones the larger he grew. They discovered that Thor had a fear of giant snakes, which Loki would never stop teasing him about.

When Jorgamund grew too large to even fit in the palace, Loki began to worry. He was growing too large, and would begin to crush himself under his own weight. Loki knew that something would have to be done before Jorgamund was hurt. It didn’t need to happen immediately, and they had time to figure a solution out. 

Odin was also aware of the same problem, because he announced that he would cast Jorgamund into Midgard’s seas. At first, Loki was shocked. His father had said nothing to him about his plans. How could Odin make decisions about Jorgamund without even talking to him? How could Odin decide his fate without asking either of them? Then Loki was horrified. He understood that something needed to be done, and sending Jorgamund into water would solve the problem of his weight. But Midgard? Yes, it was the logical choice for the sheer water mass, but there were other realms where there were great bodies of water large enough for him. These realms would know who the great serpent was, as Lokison and Prince of Asgard, and if nothing else, give him a wide berth. Midgard was different than the other realms, much more isolated and inward looking. They may have prayed to them as gods, but they were still far removed from the mortals and their day to day lives. The people of Midgard hunted and killed all that was different from them. They turned against and slaughtered to each other over differences as simple as the colours of their skins, let alone a creature as different and dangerous as Jorgamund. Where Jorgamund would at least garner respect in the other realms, in Midgard he would only be seen with blatant fear, if not outright hunted. 

And Jorgamund would be so lonely in those great seas of Earth. So very lonely.

Loki begged his father to reconsider, but he wouldn’t. He was not cruel about it, and gave his reasoning to be the same as Loki’s original concerns, but he would not change his mind. So Jorgamund was cast into Earth’s seas to become the Midgard Serpent, and the first of Loki’s children was torn from him. 

Fenrir came not long after Jorgamund was sent to Midgard. It wasn’t on purpose, despite what most people thought. No one was surprised anymore, and his family didn’t bother to hide the fact that they were embarrassed about the fact that their was once again bearing a child. There had been a mortifying conversation with Frigga, where she pulled him aside to explain to him methods and charms that would prevent pregnancy, which somehow got worse when she began to bemoan the likelihood of finding a suitable match now that he had three illegitimate children, prince or not. Thor’s mocking was silenced with a very real threat of stranding him on Midgard with only Jorgamund for company. Loki couldn’t look his father in the eye, half because he had not forgiven him for sending Jorgamund away, and half because he was once again a disappointment in his father’s eyes (how Loki hated that feeling). 

While being pregnant with Jorgamund had been easy, Fenrir was the complete opposite. Everything about Fenrir was difficult, including the birth. That had nearly killed him, and they had had to cut the pup out of him to save them both. He didn’t even bother wondering about the shape this time, just began his research into how to raise a wolf pup. Fenrir had a warmer welcome than Jorgamund, but Loki assumed that had to do with the fact they all seemed to think he had adopted a puppy, not given birth to a son. In the beginning it hadn’t matter to Fenrir, but as he grew older and people continued to treat him as a dumb puppy (he hated baby speak), there were more than a few bitten limbs throughout the years.

Loki made constant use of the Bifrost to visit Jorgamund. Most of the time he went alone and shape shifted into a great serpent to swim the seas with his son. Other times, he traveled with Fenrir or even Sleipnir (though, that was a rarer occurrence). Those visits were rushed, because they needed to be on shorelines. Loki disliked leaving Jorgamund (who, yes, he did know could take care of himself, but no, that did not mean he couldn’t worry) exposed for too long, not when it was very possible for some mortal to see them and call fourth his kinsmen for a serpent hunt. Jorgamund may have been exiled on Earth, but Loki would not let him be completely cut off from his family. Besides, he wouldn’t allow for Fenrir and Jorgamund to be complete strangers. Odin never stopped them from going, only gave his permission when Loki requested. He was not sure if his father approved or not, but he did not say a word against Loki going to his son. Loki was thankful for that, and it made him truly believe that Odin had not cast Jorgamund out in an effort to punish either of them. 

Sleipnir and Fenrir were not as close as Sleipnir and Jorgamund had been. Sleipnir’s basest instincts identified Fenrir as a predator to be weary of. His intelligence told him that no, Fenrir was not an enemy, but the instinct was still buried underneath, especially as Fenrir grew (though Sleipnir was overjoyed that another little brother was not going to out grown him). Even if Sleipnir felt skittish around Fenrir, that did not stop him from being a big brother. There were times when Fenrir was still young, and Loki was called away from Asgard for days at a time, that Loki would come home and find Fenrir curled up in the stable with his brother. Like Sleipnir and Jorgamund had reminded Loki of him and Thor going off to find adventures, this reminded Loki of times when he and Thor would climb into each others’ beds when nightmares chased them awake. 

Fenrir was the most energetic of Loki’s children, and went at a pace that Loki could scarcely keep up with. It was exhausting, and it made Loki want to cry in frustration at times, but he wouldn’t trade it. As Fenrir grew, he showed a love for violence that, had they been in any other realm, Loki would have been deeply concerned about. Fenrir was bloodthirsty, battle ready and more than capable of doing harm. The wolf was, for all intents and purposes, the ideal Aesir youth (even more ideal than Loki had ever been). Not only did he idolize his uncle (who, thankfully, returned some of the enthusiasm. If nothing else, he enjoyed having Fenrir as a hunting partner), but took after him as well. So much so, did Loki wonder how Thor was not the other biological parent (but he was not, for that honour belonged to the brief affair with a visiting nobleman’s son). Along with Thor and his friends (which included Loki on occasion), Fenrir went hunting with Tyr, who the wolf came to see as his greatest friend. At first Loki was suspicious, but after time he saw no duplicity on Tyr’s part. That relieved him, because he wanted Fenrir to have friends outside of his family.

Loki missed Jorgamund, so he spoiled Fenrir in his stead. It felt that he had failed his second eldest, and needed to make up for it with his youngest. There were times that Fenrir was destructive or vicious, and while it may not have been intentional, but behaving that way while in the body of a large wolf, caused far too much chaos. Loki knew he should have put a stop to it, but he found himself incapable of it. He could no more than scold Fenrir for his violence, partly because of his desire to make up for Jorgamund and also because Fenrir was still young, and grow out of it (it was the excuse his parents employed for Thor on many occasions). There were occasions when Fenrir (usually after being goaded on) did something particularly stupid, that Loki screamed and yelled (much to the horror of Fenrir, who would then beg forgiveness), but mostly, he let Fenrir’s antics go without too much complaint.

(Had Loki known what the others were planning, he would have done so much more). 

It was just before Fenrir turned from pup to youth that Loki learned that he could also get with child from lying with a woman. That came as the largest surprise of all (he also spent the entire time cursing himself; he had given Sigyn the charm to wear, since he thought he was not the one who would need it. Apparently, he had underestimated just how fertile he was). By then, his family just sighed, shook their heads and threw disappointed looks his way. His mother, at least, attempted to act interested, asking if he knew what he was having. She brightened briefly at the prospect of a granddaughter (his magic could tell him the sex, but not the shape. It was infuriating), but had then remembered that, chances were, it would not be a normal child. 

Loki was terrified. Birthing Fenrir had nearly killed him, and he had no idea what form her body would take. He would love her no matter, but if she killed him during child birth, then no one would be there to look out for her. Sleipnir and Fenrir would try, but most still viewed them as little more than animals.

The most terrifying moment of Loki’s life was when, after pushing the normal baby out of his body, there were no screams. The healer attending him gave a startled gasp, and Frigga’s eyes widened, but the little girl made no noise. Loki’s heart stopped, and in that moment he thought her a stillborn. The pain he felt at the moment eclipsed all other pain he had ever felt, including that which came with Jorgamund being cast out. He made a sound, a cross between a choked gasp and a sob, and finally Frigga and the healer took notice of him.

“Congratulations my son,” Frigga took the babe and placed it in his arms, “you have a daughter.”

Relief made him sob again, because had the child been dead, his mother would not have said those words. Once she was in her arms, Loki understood their reactions. One half of his daughter was a perfect babe with tufts of dark hair. The other half was that of a corpse. Once the girl rested in his arms, as though she sensed she was safe there, she finally began to cry.

It was obvious from the moment of her birth what her role would be. The child was a mix of living and dead. It amused him, the idea that his daughter would rule a realm once she was grown. He was proud of her already, even if she had yet to do anything but be born. To remind everyone that his daughter was to be Queen of Hel, he named her Hela. 

(And oh how he hated himself for that reminder later). 

Loki loved Hela, and as his only daughter, she held a special place in his heart. Sleipnir was once again a proud brother, Jorgamund (once he had met her) was delighted with her and Fenrir was pouting that he was no longer the baby of the family. They were the only three that loved her. His mother, and even Odin and Thor to an extent, tried. With all of Loki’s children, they never denied them as grandchild or nephew (niece). They were all recognized as royals of Asgard, and given respect due to them, but that did not mean that there were part of the family. None of his family was cruel, but that did not make them kind either. They tried, but failed more often than not. They were polite and civil to his children, never insisting that they were unwelcome, but not welcoming either (there were instances where it seemed his family had genuine, fleeting moments of true expression for the children other than Sleipnir (who was loved by Odin at least), but they were the exception, not the rule). Loki had to give them credit, because it was more than the rest of Asgard attempted.

Everyone found themselves disturbed by little Hela. It was not only her appearance, which Loki would admit was disquieting at first, but also her manner. She would only ever make noise, be it laughter or crying, when being held by her father (and later, when with her brothers). She would stare, not as a baby stares vaguely in fascination, but in a manner that seemed to be studying all that was around her. Everything about Hela (besides her laugh, which Loki would argue was the most beautiful sound in the world) was subdued and quiet. Many thought it had to do with her half dead state, but Loki was sure it had to do with her personality and disposition. 

After Fenrir, raising Hela was so very simple, and though he would never admit it out loud, her being a (mostly) normal baby did make the task so much easier. With Hela, it was easier for him to leave her in the care of others (his mother). While he wouldn’t have trusted others to watch Jorgamund or Fenrir (who was now old enough to watch himself) for any extended period of time –not many knew the proper care of a snake or wolf after all-, Hela was, for the most part, a normal baby. When he had the desire to leave Asgard (he grew stir crazy, even with the children to raise), not only to visit Jorgamund, but to follow his brother, the Warriors Three and Sif (who seemed a mix of pleased and irritated about having him back after such a long absence) across the Realms for mostly useless adventures. Loki was still a Magician and a Mischief Maker after all, father (mother) or no. 

Perhaps it was between raising Hela to toddlerhood and once again embracing a life outside parenthood, but Loki did not realize what was happening. Perhaps nothing had truly changed in Fenrir’s behaviour to cause Asgard’s semi-fear and awe of him to shift, but Loki needed to find a way to blame himself for not predicating this. He did not know when the whispers had changed, or why the Aesir decided that Fenrir was not just an unruly youth that needed to be disciplined, but a blood thirsty monster who needed to be put down. 

They waited until Loki was away from Asgard, visiting Jorgamund on Earth, before they acted. They would not have dared try it while Loki was there, because he would have killed them before letting them chain his son. The protection spells he had cast over Fenrir in the days following his birth had alerted Loki that something was very wrong. He felt Fenrir’s pain, and Loki had flown back to Asgard, terrified as to what he would find. The first thing he heard was Hela’s screams. He found her a sobbing mess, and it had taken many soothing words to calm her enough to get coherent words out of her. The first thing she said was ‘chains’, and Loki’s heart stopped. He asked her where and she told him the forest at the edge of the city. He forced himself away from Hela’s side, promising his still crying daughter that he would return. 

He had used shadows to get to Fenrir. When he had found him, it had taken all of his willpower not to destroy. Fenrir, his middle child, was chained. Not only was he chained, but in a way that allowed him the barest amount of movement, and there was a sword thrust under his chin and into his mouth. He pulled the sword out, and Fenrir opened his jaw and howled. 

It was a sound full of betrayal and rage. It was a sound of pain and humiliation. It was a sound of heartbreak.

Loki tried to pull off the chains, but there was no way for him to do it. Whatever it was they had made the chains with, it could not be broken. He wore his hands bloody and nearly drained his magic trying. Loki could do nothing but cry, because he knew that he had failed another child. 

Thor came at some point, to tell him that Father requested his presence. Loki ignored him. He would not leave his son, who he knew was scared and confused. The great wolf was trembling, small whimpers coming from his still bleeding mouth. It was as though he was a pup again, scared at the sound of thunder and the sight of lightning. When Thor, without a hint of compassion or regret, threatened to drag him to their father, Loki had snarled and sent a blast of magic that teleported and dumped his brother into the bathing pools at the far end of the palace. Once Thor was gone, Loki wrapped his arms around Fenrir’s neck, buried his face in his fur and repeated ‘I’m sorry’ over and over. His father, despite his summons, did not seek him out. Odin was no fool, and would have realized that Loki would try to kill him if he showed his face. 

He stayed for a long time, but had to leave. Hela had been terrified when he left her, and he had to see to her. Loki promised Fenrir that he would return as soon as he could. Fenrir didn’t want him to go, and it broke Loki’s heart to do so.

Hela was in her room, still wide eyed and crying. He gathered her into his arms and held her tightly, whispering soothing, nonsense words to her. Fenrir had been watching her while Loki was on Midgard. How could they have done this in front of her? How could they trick, fight, drag and chain Fenrir while his sister stood screaming beside him? 

Loki knew that the Aesir did not like children, but at the moment he realized just how much they didn’t care about them. 

Hela had fallen asleep to promises that Fenrir was fine, and that nothing would happen to him. Once she was asleep, Loki returned to Fenrir. He did not trust someone not to march down and slay his helpless son, not after this. He once again used soothing words and promises to spell his wolf to sleep. 

The pattern continued for a month. Hela grew frightened whenever she saw Fenrir in chains, so he could not bring her. Nor could he leave Fenrir alone. Fenrir’s pleading for his presence was another twist of the knife in Loki’s heart, because for the past few years, he had complained that Loki coddled him. 

He knew that Fenrir wanted to ask why he had not yet marched up to Odin and demanded his release. What the wolf did now realize was that if he attempted it now, he would most likely attack. If he had any hope of freeing Fenrir, it couldn’t be done through screaming and rage. He would need to be calm and as collected as possible. Loki thought his chances were slim to none, but he would try. Odin had been unwilling to change his mind for Jorgamund, but he would try. 

No one sought him out that month, not even Thor. He assumed that that was their parent’s influence. Thor would never be able of that kind of tact himself. When he finally felt himself ready, he went to his father. Odin was alone in his study, and when Loki first saw him standing there, he hated his father for the first time. He wanted to scream at the man, to demand how he could let this happen to his own grandson. He wanted to attack, to spill Odin’s blood in retribution for his son.

“Please,” it was all he said, because he knew that fancy words would not help him here. His silver tongue hadn’t saved Jorgamund from his fate.

“I cannot,” was his father’s equally short response, “he’s dangerous.”

Fenrir was, and Loki knew that. A giant wolf, especially one with Fenrir’s intelligence, was a threat, not matter their temperament. If Fenrir ever truly turned against and unleashed himself on Asgard, it would be a bloodbath. Yet Fenrir never made a move in such a direction, even with the violence he constantly showed. What they feared was a potential threat, not one based in truth. 

“If you had and concerns about his behaviour, you should have addressed them to me to correct, as you would do for the parent of any other child.”  
“But he is not any other child!” there was heat, but no anger in Odin’s voice now, “He is a wolf, not an ordinary boy!”

For the first time, Loki realised a terrible truth. For years Asgard had called his children monsters, and in that moment, Loki realized that Odin saw them as the rest did.

“He is my son!” Loki couldn’t help but scream, because this new revelation broke his heart. 

“And that is the only reason he yet lives!” The words were said with the same heat, but there was now a kindness in the voice as well, “Had he been anyone else’s child, he would have been killed.”

The words horrified Loki, but he knew them to be true. A sick feeling took hold of his stomach, and it was all that he could do not to be ill. 

“Fenrir will remain chained,” Odin continued, the decree apparent, “but he will not be abandoned. It will be seen to that he will be taken care of, kept in good health and as comfortable as his confinement allows. A prisoner he may be, but a Prince of Asgard he remains. 

Loki wanted to scream, but kept his composure by clenching his fists together and letting his nails cut into his palms, “And who would take this task?”

“It will be Fenrir’s choice.”

“And if I request the duty?”

“Then you shall have it, but you still do have another small child to care for.”

It was true. Hela still needed him, would for many more years. Fenrir, while practically helpless, needed him less. Odin would provide another guardian for Fenrir, but would not do so for Hela, for there was no reason. There really was no choice. 

Odin waited for him to speak, and Loki wondered how the man could be so cruel to his grandson, and yet try to force small kindnesses for his son out of the situation. Fenrir lived and he remained in Asgard. Loki supposed that Odin, after seeing how much pain Jorgamund’s exile had caused him, thought that he was sparing him pain by chaining him. At least Fenrir was only a twenty minute walk away, not in an entirely different realm. 

He wondered if Odin expected thanks for what he was calling a kindness, then decided that he did now. Odin was no fool, and knew that any explanation he could give would give neither Loki nor his children comfort. Odin knew that he had hurt them all, and did not expect thanks for any attempts to make it hurt any less. Just because his father tried, didn’t mean he ever came close to succeeding.

Instead of speaking, Loki just left. 

He had nearly beat Tyr to death once he found out the role he had played in binding Fenrir. A hand was not enough of a payment for betraying one who considered you his dearest friend. Had it not been for Thor pulling him off the (unresisting) man, Loki would have killed Tyr.

No one dared mention Fenrir around him again.

When it was Tyr that Fenrir demanded as a caretaker, Loki was shocked. Until he realized that Tyr had not fought him off because he felt guilt over the betrayal, and having to see his friend in chains for all eternity, would keep the guilt raw and festering. Fenrir had learned deviousness from him, and Loki was proud. 

He would have continued his vigil, but it was Fenrir who told him, in what was probably the most mature moment of his life thus far, that Loki was needed to tend to Hela, because if they could force this on him, then there was little they couldn’t do to the toddler. The innocence was gone from Fenrir, and Loki wept for it. 

So Sleipnir remained the Royal Stead, Jorgamund trapped in Midgard’s seas and Fenrir chained like some sort of rabid animal. Through it all, Hela grew.

She was a quiet and withdrawn child who disliked crowds and could be found more often than not on the window ledge of the great windows of the library with a book open in her lap. It was Loki’s favourite reading spot from when he was a child. She was kind and respectful to all those around her, even the ones who were not shy about their disgust of her. When the time called for it, she acted like a proper princess and resembled her grandmother in her poise and serenity. As she grew, her smile became rare and her laughter even rarer, even amongst her family. What joy she found, she found in simple things- the first snowfall and first green leaves of Spring, letting Loki braid lilies into her hair, riding Sleipnir and dancing to music only she could hear. She developed a fancy on Hogun the Grim which made Loki nearly double over in laughter (at least she had some taste, and had not set her sights on Fandral, or Odin forbid, Thor). 

It no longer terrified her to see Fenrir chained, though she still woke up screaming from nightmares of them doing it to him. She would take hours to calm after that, and would be even quieter for days after. Loki silently raged that not only did they cage his son, but traumatize his daughter doing it. 

Hela would often escape the palace by running to Fenrir, usually carrying a book that she would then spend the day reading to him. Fenrir had become bitter and full of rage, and none blamed him for it. Loki wanted his son freed, but was frightened of what would happen if he was. Fenrir craved vengeance for his captivity, and if the chains were removed, he’d turn on those who put them there in the first place. While Loki was in agreement that Fenrir was well within his rights to do so, he feared what would be done to his son afterwards. He didn’t want Fenrir to prove those bastards right, even if was there own fault- had they not chained Fenrir, he would not want them all dead.

Hela had a calming effect on her brother, and it was in her presence that some of his old innocence appeared again, if only briefly. Loki sometimes wondered if, when Hela was a grown woman and ruling her own realm, he could convince Odin to allow her to bring Fenrir to Hel with her. There would have to be promises of no retribution on Fenrir’s part, but being with his sister who soothed him would make that possible. Fenrir would be free but far away from those who feared him, and Hela would not be alone in Hel. When the time came, he would ask. 

Hela was on the cusp of becoming a young maiden when it happened. Since Fenrir, Loki had kept his ears trained on the words and gossip swirling around Asgard. If something was said about his children, he would know, and if someone decided another measure needed to be taken, he would prevent it. His children were topics of many a conversation, always in regards to Loki and all of his perceived faults. No one ever seemed to notice that it was directly after one such comment that Loki’s wrath, in the form of a nasty and humiliating prank, fell upon them. 

So Loki heard when, for another reason that was not known to him, people began to murmur about ‘doing something’ about Hela. He did not, could not, understand it, because there could not have been a less threatening being in all the realms. Hela hid herself away, and the people only saw her at feasts, which she was required to attend as a member of the royal family. Part of the scorn came from the unavoidable fact that she was his daughter. The largest part was that they were repulsed by her appearance. The dead side had taken on an even harsher look of decomposition as she grew. It was not its true state, and for that Loki was grateful. Loki had never realized, but not only were the Aesir disgusted by Hela’s appearance, but were affronted that she dare disrupt the beauty of Asgard with it.

When the whispers grew and turned into excuses of ‘doesn’t she have a realm to rule?’ and ‘she will have to leave eventually’, Loki truly began to worry. When these suggestions reached the royal family, and Odin began looking at the girl in a semi-regretful, semi-considering way, Loki cast aside one of the things he considered the most important things in the world- his pride.

He fell to his knees for all the Court to see, and begged his father not to send Hela away. His father said nothing but to ask Loki to come to his study, and Loki knew it was a lost cause. Before Odin could say anything, he asked “Why?”

The actions against Jorgamund and Fenrir had at least token excuses, but with Hela, there were none. His father did not try and offer one this time. All he said was “I’m truly sorry.”

Loki told him that he would accompany Hela, and stay with her until she was ready to rule alone. Thor, of course protested, but Odin granted permission without hesitation. Odin expected nothing less. He told Loki that if Hela needed any help or guidance in establishing her rule, he would come to her without pause or question. 

They did not send her away right away. They took a year. Odin would not see his granddaughter go unprepared, even if the people grumbled about the delay. He ignored them, and did not understand why they wanted the little girl gone so badly. That, at least, soothed a part of Loki. Hela, at least, he was not repulsed by, did not see her as all the monsters as all others did, the monster he saw Fenrir as. He did not ask his father to free Fenrir to Hela’s care, as he had planned. Sending Hela away like this, without her permission and when she was too young, had only agitated Fenrir’s wrath further. This only made him hate Asgard more, and Loki did not think it would be possible for himself or Hela to convince Fenrir to leave without violence.

 

When the time came, Odin kissed her living cheek and told Hela that she would make a fine Queen. Hela cried as she was led away, clutching her father’s hand tightly. Sleipnir, as the only horse that could travel to Hel and the only one who, in his opinion, was allowed to carry his sister, went with them. When Odin cast Jorgamund out, Sleipnir had refused to let him ride for a year. When Fenrir was chained, it was a decade. When Hela was sent to Hel, it was half a century before he would allow Odin to use him as a mount again. Odin did not force the issue, because he knew that he had done them all wrong, and that Sleipnir had the right to reject him because of it.

Hel was a barren, cold land, home of the ‘unworthy’ dead. Hela cried harder when she first laid eyes on it, because seeing it made her realize that her childhood was over. Had Loki not been there, it was possible that the little girl would have lost her mind. 

Hela grew, and Loki watched her blossom. Her quiet ways did not changed, and she missed the glittering beauty of Asgard and the changing beauty of Midgard. She missed her brothers, only able to see Sleipnir on rare occasions. Yet these things did not control or trap her.

Loki watched her change from child to Queen. Not only a Queen, but a great one. She did not see those who entered her realm as beings not worthy of being let into Valhalla, but spirits who deserved some sort of joy and comfort in their afterlife. She ruled fairly, welcoming all those who entered her realm, and gained the respect and admiration of all of them. The dead, who were past the need to feel fear and disgust at her body, grew to love her. The dead welcomed her more than the living ever had, and she enjoyed their company more than she ever had the living. 

Words could not express how proud of her he was. Loki had always known she was destined for this, but destiny did not mean that she had to be good at it. Yet she was, and none could deny it. Loki’s guidance through the years had helped, but this was her accomplishment and her accomplishment alone.

It was a century later, after Hela was a grown woman, that she hugged him and told him that it was time for her to stand on her own. His heart constricted, because he did not want to leave her in this place, even if she would still have many for company. It meant that she no longer needed him, and that simultaneously hurt and contented him. Hela was now a woman in her own right, grown and capable to live her own life. What parent did not rejoice in that knowledge?

“You are not abandoning me,” she told him, “no more than you have Sleipnir, Jorgamund or Fenrir. I love you Father, but you cannot stay here forever. But you will come visit often…” It was meant to be a statement, but came out sounding like a question. In that moment, Loki saw not the powerful Queen, but the little girl who had begged him to tell her just one more story.

Loki hugged her again, “Of course. So often that you will grow sick of me.”

Hela laughed then, and Loki once again confirmed that it was the most beautiful sound in the nine realms.

Loki left for Asgard the next morning, and with one final goodbye, his last child was taken from him.


	2. Chapter Two

“And then,” Thor’s loud, boastful voice boomed, “I took Mjolnir and slayed the mighty beast!”

Loki did not even look up from the parchment in front of him, “I do seem to remember my stunning spell having something to do with the slaying.”

Thor paused for a moment and then added, “that was after your mother stunned the creature. Then I slayed it with Mjolnir.” 

Loki smiled slightly, and then did look up to watch Thor as he held their son, regaling him with tales from their youth. He enjoyed watching them, loved seeing Thor act this way. It was so very different from his usual boasting, and so very heart warming to see him coo over Vali (it was wonderful to see anyone coo over his children). It also left him to wonder. Sleipnir had enjoyed stories of adventure, Jorgamund of tricks and illusions, Fenrir of glorious battles past and Hela ones where clever heroes saved the day by solving riddles. Loki wondered what stories Vali would enjoy hearing once he was old enough to request his favourites. 

“Do refer to me as Father,” Loki told him, “I am, as you well know, male.”

“Only when you choose to be,” Thor countered.

“Only when I choose to be,” Loki conceded the point, “but believe me, it’s much simpler to explain that I’m a magical shapeshifter than to detail the joys of male pregnancy.”

“But you are his mother,” Thor insisted, and Loki rolled his eyes.

“The nine months of swollen ankles, aching back, not fitting into my clothes and the thirteen hours of labour have all made me very aware of that fact. But it is much simpler this way. I have done this before. Multiple times.”

“But it is easier to explain why he would have two fathers?”

“Of course it is Thor,” Loki was exasperated, and would have loved to smack his brother/husband upside the head, “there are other male lovers in Asgard who have taken in children. I, on the other hand, am the only male capable of giving birth. If there is another, he is much better at safe sex than I. Besides, you plan to take Vali down to Midgard at some point and parade him around your mortals, do you not? If I remember correctly, Stark and Roger’s brat loves reminding the world that he has two daddies.”

Thor was pouting. It was both adorable and irritating, and Loki wasn’t sure which emotion to embrace more. He decided for the middle ground as he addressed the reason they were even having this conversation (Thor probably thought he wasn’t being transparent, but Loki had been able to read him since they were children), “Do stop pouting. Don’t worry, you’ll still get to teach him all the testosterone filled arts that you adore so much. As for the issue of pronouns, if Vali wishes to begin to call me Mother after it’s been explained, I shall allow it. Until then, just trust me to know when it’s time for the I-Am-Your-Father conversation to take place.”

Thor looked completely confused. Really? How had Thor spent so many years on Midgard and still have no grasp on pop culture? Even Loki had managed to pick that up, even if he found most of it inane (though he had to admit a fondness for detective fiction, be it books or film).

“You lived with The Avengers for years and they were doing their best to catch you and Rogers up to the current day. I was plotting world domination with the likes of Victor Von Doom. How is it even possible that I saw Star Wars and you didn’t?” Thor just looked even more confused, and Loki sighed, “Just ask next time you’re there. I’m certain one of them has it.”

Thor looked like he wanted to continue his pout, so Loki thought to add, “Really Thor, why are you fretting? This will be much easier to explain than the Daddy was a Supervillain or Daddy is a Frost Giant. Would you like to start those explanations from birth as well?”

Thor made a face, half way between horrified and bemused. It made Loki laugh. Not a chuckle or self-depreciating, but a true laugh, and that made Thor grin. Their argument was forgotten, or at least laid aside for now. Vali choose that moment to grab onto a strand of Thor’s golden hair and pull. 

Thor beamed, “Look at how much strength he has already!”

Thor said that about everything Vali did. Though Loki did believe that that was the truth. How could the son of the Mighty Thor be anything but mighty? Loki had already proven that any child he produced was strong. For all that was ‘wrong’ with them, none could deny that the King of Horses, a giant snake, a giant wolf and the Queen of Hel were forces to be reckoned with. 

“Of course Thor,” Loki replied when he realized that Thor was waiting for a response. 

And there was the pout again, “Don’t you agree?”

“Of course I do, but that was the twelfth time you’ve made that same exclamation today. I can only say tell you yes so many times before it gets tedious.” 

The pout was gone, only to replaced by what Loki considered Thor’s patented Kicked Puppy Look, “Am I annoying you? Am…am I doing something wrong?”

Ever since they had reconciled years ago (due to an accidental magical backfire that had forced them to be trapped in a room alone together for a month), Thor had been very conscious of the fact that it wasn’t only their father’s revelation of Loki’s heritage that had caused his breakdown, but all the slights and hurts that he had suffered over the years. Many of those hurts had come from Thor himself, and those were the ones that had hurt Loki the most, given that Thor was one of the people he loved most in the world. Since Loki’s return, Thor had been hyper vigilant in his attempts to make sure the cycle was not repeated. Loki did try to assure him that he was not made of porcelain and was not going to break at a few less than kind words (it had been centuries worth and a life altering revelation that had caused it last time, thank you very much), but Thor was determined (and Loki wouldn’t complain most of the time, not when Thor’s ways of apologizing for any perceived slights were so creatively delicious).

Loki put down his pen (he demanded that Thor bring packages of them back every time he returned to Midgard because they were so much easier to use than a quill and ink), got up from his desk and walked over to his brother. He slipped his arms around Thor’s waist and leaned into him, careful not to jostle Vali, who was still pulling on long blonde hair.

“I did not say that. It’s adorable, the way you are with our son. I’d have you no other way.”

The worry and distress was gone from Thor’s face, and was replaced with a smile. A smile that spoke of love and joy, and not only towards Vali, but Loki as well.

In that moment, Loki was happy. 

l.l.ll. 

Loki sang softly, rocking the baby in his arms slowly. It would take a long time for Vali to truly fall asleep, but at least he was calm now. Only ten minutes past he had been screaming, and it had been established at the moment of birth that the baby possessed Thor’s lungs and vocal chords. Thor, who had bolted like a startled animal the moment he saw that Loki was dealing with their screaming child, was probably halfway across the palace by now. Loki just rolled his eyes at the typical male reaction (not that Loki himself was not male, but after four children, he was used to it).

That the Mighty Thor ran in fear at a crying child was something his brother would be teased with for the next century or so.

Loki was still not sure why Vali had been crying, given that he had already been fed (though Loki had changed back to his natural form, his female one still retained the milk, and he was still able to nurse Vali) and changed. It was a common occurrence for Vali to cry without apparent reason (which was no surprise, given that he was Thor’s son, and when was Thor not dramatic and needy?). It was a startling contrast to Loki, who’s last child had been so silent most of the time. Thankfully, Loki’s singing and rocking was usually enough to calm and silence him. 

When being held by Thor, it brought laughter and excitement. With Loki, it brought soothing and calm. They balanced each other perfectly, and when Loki was feeling particularly sappy (like now), he took it as a sign that not only were he and Thor meant to be together, but meant to raise children together as well. He would never admit it out loud, least anyone hear and think he’d gone soft. Besides, Thor fancied himself the romantic one, and who was he to damage that notion? Though, if he were to do so, Thor might try and come up with wonderful ways to reclaim his place (he really must send Jane Foster a thank you note sometime, because before his brief years with her, Thor had certainly been very far from creative or romantic). Now wasn’t that an idea…

Vali giggled loudly, the sound pulling Loki from his musings. He looked down, wondering what had caught his son’s attention now. Loki almost dropped the baby from sheer surprise. Vali was still awake, still looking up at him, but instead of his blonde haired, blue eyed son staring up at him, it was a dark haired, green eyed babe. 

Loki stared at the baby for a full minute before the implications hit him. A shapeshifter. Vali was a shapeshifter. It gave an explanation to his apparently reasonless crying. Loki was well acquainted with the itch that got under one’s skin when one stayed in the same shape for too long. Two months wasn’t a long time –Loki had gone years without shifting before-, but Vali was only a baby and his magic would be uncontrollable. Two months old was young; Loki had been a toddler before he unintentionally began shapeshifting. 

It meant that Vali would be a powerful sorcerer someday, possibly even surpassing him. None of his other children possessed magic, not even a trickle of it. It had been disappointing in a way, not having a child that he could teach and pass his knowledge onto. But now…

Loki’s burgeoning hopes crashed almost the moment they began, because the even more dangerous implications hit him with the power of a swing by Mjolnir. Asgard barel accepted a male magic user as a prince (and that was only grudgingly), let alone an heir to the throne. They would demand he be disinherited, that Thor deny him. They would call for Vali to be sent away, so that Thor could forget his existence. For Loki to be sent away with him, because he had proven incapable of providing a suitable heir. What good was he as a consort if he could not do that duty? Even if they could not get him exiled (he doubted his father or husband (and mother for that matter) would allow it), they would call for his marriage to be dissolved and him to be sent to the shadows to be Thor’s whore while a suitable wife was found. 

Everything that Loki had strove for, all the happiness he had managed to carve out for himself, would be destroyed.

Bile rose up in Loki’s throat, and he barely managed to place Vali in his crib before he fell to his knees and was sick. His stomach emptied itself and tears began to slid down his cheeks.

No. This could not be happening. Not now, not again. Not with Vali.

Loki kept gagging even after there was nothing else left in his stomach, and the roaring in his ears –horror and panic mixed together to block out rational thought- continued after that. All Loki could do was sit there and shake, memories of chains, the barren lands of Hel and Midgard’s dark seas. Where would they send Vali, once they decided to be rid of him? 

They would hate him most, even more than the others. At least they had been monstrous from the beginning, and there was no mistaking them. They had never been able to pass as ‘normal’. The strange child that he had dared bring into the royal family to be named an heir, to be raised as Thorson and beloved by all of Asgard. Loki let out a startled, half hysteric laugh, knowing that that, when changing it to Odinson, was one of the reasons they hated him. He was the cuckoo son, bringing in another cuckoo to the nest. 

His world was spinning, and the madness that had caused him to fall –insanity born of desperation, self loathing and rejection- was blackening the edges of his vision. It was always there, hovering on the edge of his unconscious. Five years of reconciliation, three as Thor’s husband and eleven months with Vali (both carrying and after being born) had tempered it, but the possibility of it returning, of having another nervous breakdown followed by a psychotic break (Loki may or may not have seen a psychiatrist while on Midgard, but he would never admit it, even on pain of death), was significant.

If they took Vali from him, if they hurt him like they had Jorgamund, Fenrir and Hela, Loki would see Asgard burn.

A new sound came to him, one even sharper than the roaring in his ears. It took him a moment to rein in his twisting mind, to focus again. He listened, mind chasing after the sound until his consciousness surfaced, once again becoming aware of his surroundings. 

Screaming. Someone was screaming. 

Loki’s eyes widened. Vali. His panic had made him forget that the baby was still in the room. He scrambled to his feet, cursing himself. He rushed back to the cradle, snatching the screaming child into his arms. Vali is blonde again, had probably reverted back to his true form by fright. 

“I’m sorry,” Loki whispered desperately, “I’m sorry. It isn’t your fault. Don’t cry…”

He hates Asgard, because this moment should not be as it is. He should be able to rejoice that his magic is being passed down, that he would be able to teach his son all that he knew (and Thor could stop worrying that he was going to try and teach him warrior arts). This should be a beautiful moment, and he should be celebrating, not one that filled him with sinking dread. 

Damn them. Damn them all.

“I’ll fix this,” Loki promised his still crying child, clutching him to his chest, “I’ll fix this.”


	3. Chapter Three

It took hours before Vali finally fell asleep, and only after screaming himself hoarse. Loki’s mind was still whirling, but he kept his frantic thoughts back. He couldn’t panic, couldn’t let his emotions get the best of him. There was a reason he was cold and calculating- it worked for him. When he acted rationally (or at least with planning and forethought) he succeeded. When he reacted based on emotion, everything fell apart in epic proportions. Vali’s life was too important for him to let anything cloud his judgement. 

He needed to think, not feel.

Spells outside their chambers – simple ones that would alert him if anyone was approaching- told him that Thor was finally slinking back now that the screaming was over. When Loki realized that he was coming, he froze.

Thor, who loved them both, who had proven that he would go to Hel and back for his brother. Surely, without a doubt, he would do the same for his son, if not more. How could Loki hide this from him? How could he not? What…How…

In the end, Loki took the easy way out. He gently placed the sleeping Vali back in his crib, used magic to clean up the mess he had made earlier and scrambled into his bed. When Thor entered, he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Thor paused before fully entering the room, and Loki could feel his eyes on him. He wondered what Thor was feeling, what his husband thought looking in this room and seeing him lying in their bed. Thor finally entered, but he did not come straight to the bed. Instead, Thor paused halfway across the room, and Loki assumed that he stopped at the cradle.

It was something that Thor did often, stopping to stare down at their sleeping child, completely mesmerized. He would always have a look of awe on his face, as though he couldn’t quite believe that this beautiful, tiny baby was his. When Loki saw that look, he knew that Vali was loved.

A lump formed in Loki’s throat and he felt tears stinging his closed eyes. He felt himself choking up, but he held it back. He concentrated on evening out his breathing, of keeping up the appearance of sleeping. If Thor knew he was awake, he would want to talk, probably offer up a sheepish apology for running off and leaving him to deal with screaming Vali, and Loki couldn’t handle that right now. 

Finally, after what seemed like an infinite amount of time, Thor made his way across the room. He stopped on his side of the bed and began to undress, and Loki got the impression that he was attempting to do so quietly to avoid waking the two of them up. Loki almost smiled, because he wasn’t doing a good job.

When Thor finally did crawl into the bed, the first thing he did was pull Loki’s body backwards so that he was curled into his, back to chest. It had been no surprise to Loki that Thor was a cuddler. What did surprise him was that he allowed it, because it was not something Loki allowed with any previous lovers. Thor placed a kiss on the back of his neck, whispered ‘I love you’ (he said it often enough, but it hit Loki every time) and settled in. Within five minutes, Thor was asleep. 

It felt like a knife had been slammed into Loki’s stomach and twisted violently. It hurt, good gods it hurt. Lying to Thor had been second nature to him for centuries, and it should have been easy to do it now. Even after all this time and all that they had been through, it shouldn’t have caused this much pain to keep the truth from him. If it were about anything other than Vali, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. 

Thor loved both of them. He had fought for Loki, first against The Avengers for him to be returned to Asgard unpunished instead of being imprisoned on Midgard (Loki wondered if Thor’s mortals had ever truly forgiven him for choosing his brother over them), second in Asgard, when there were cries for him to be punished, disowned and other unpleasant consequences (not only Thor had stood by him then, but his parents as well). The third had been after they had become serious lovers (opposed to the occasionally falling into bed with each other as they had been doing since they were youths) and Thor decided that he was not content with Loki was his lover, but wanted him as his husband and consort as well. The fourth was when Loki had found out he was pregnant. He had hid it as long as he could, not knowing how Thor would react once he told him. Thor had reacted with laughter and joy, even while the rest of Asgard reacted with distrust and suspicion. They all expected another monster, but Loki could honestly say he didn’t think that particular thought ever crossed Thor’s mind.

Most importantly, Thor loved Vali more than he had ever loved anything else, and that much was obvious). Loki wanted to turn around and shake Thor awake and tell him the truth. He wanted to tell Thor that their son was strong and powerful, even if it wasn’t in the way any of them would have assumed. He wanted to believe that it would change nothing, that Thor would Vali no less. His heart told him that it was the truth, that he could trust Thor to, at the very least, protect Vali…

He couldn’t trust it, not on this. Even though his heart told him to confide in Thor, Loki’s mind screamed at him not to. The evidence was against Thor. He had stood by and watched the fates of his niece and nephews unfold without so much as uttering a word in protest. Loki couldn’t risk Vali’s happiness and safety of the man who had failed each of his siblings. 

Even if Thor did accept Vali as he was (and Loki was sure he would…he thought he would…he prayed he would…), it would not stop the rest of Asgard from disowning him. If anyone else were to find out, Vali would never be safe, but Thor –sweet, naïve Thor who always gave the benefit of the doubt and saw the best in everyone- would not acknowledge that. He wouldn’t understand the need for complete secrecy, and even if he did, Thor was terrible at keeping secrets.

It was easier if Thor didn’t know. It didn’t matter what it would do to Loki’s easily damaged sanity. All that mattered was keeping Vali safe.

That decision made, Loki began to plan. 

ll.l.l.l 

Loki didn’t sleep. Instead, with only Thor’s soft breathing as background noise, he made a mental list of things he needed to do. The first thing was to find a suitable illusion spell. It wouldn’t need to be a strong one, not for someone the size of Vali. All it would do was cast the illusion that Vali looked normal, even if he had shifted. That would only work if he stayed in a humanoid shape. If Vali became an animal, the illusion would fall apart. That shouldn’t be a problem, not yet. It took effort to change shape completely, training that meant it couldn’t be done accidentally. 

There was another problem, in that the illusion could only be cast if Loki was in the same spot. There was no conceivable way for him to have Vali within his sight until he was old enough to be taught to control the shapeshifting. The illusion spell was only a temporary fix. He had to find something more permanent, something that would work even when Loki was not there. He needed to find a spell that would stop shapeshifting altogether. It was the only method he could think of to keep Vali’s powers hidden.

The illusion charm was one he knew by heart, and would take little effort to tailor it with Vali in mind. He was not worried about that beyond the obvious problem of having to be there to cast it. The magic to stop shapeshifting, however, would take much more effort. Loki had no idea how to do it. Finding a way would require intense research. He would need to find any books on shapeshifting that the library had, and he would need to read every word closely, searching for any hint that could lead to answers. 

Unlike the rest of his magics, Loki had never bothered to study shapeshifting past glancing through two or three books in his youth. It had always come so effortlessly to him (he now knew that it was due to his Jotun nature that it came so easily), so he saw no reason to study. He regretted it now, as it would have made this easier.

The moment the sun was up, when it wouldn’t be considered too strange for him to be wandering the halls, Loki silently slipped out of Thor’s arms, dressed silently to avoid waking him, gently picked up Vali (who did not stir) and left their room. He went to the library, taking the ways that would lessen his chances of being seen. He ran into no one, and was the first to kindle the lights in the library. He conjured a smaller version of a cradle for Vali to rest in before he cast another spell to locate any books that mentioned shapeshifting, even if it was only in passing. He was relieved to see that there were many, because that meant that there was a greater likelihood for an answer to be here. 

He walked to the closest and pulled two books off a low shelf. As an after though he pulled four more books off the shelf, all of them completely unrelated to shapeshifting. They would be a good cover if anyone were to find him here, because he didn’t want anyone to see what he was actually reading up on. 

He could have magicked the books to him, but the physical movement soothed his nerves after a night spent worrying and planning. With all the books he needed for the moment gathered in his arms, Loki carried them to the nearest table, sat down, chose a book and began to read.

He read well into the afternoon, pausing only twice. Once to switch nooks that he had finished out for three new ones, and the second when Vali had woken up and cried to be fed, and Loki had shifted to his female body. And yes, Loki was well aware of the irony.

Vali was no longer in the library with him. The baby had been whisked away by Frigga nearly two hours ago, despite Loki’s feeble protests. What if Vali shapeshifted in her presence? Even so, Loki couldn’t deny her request without raising suspicions, and neither he nor Vali could afford anyone asking questions. He had never protested Frigga taking Vali before, had been overjoyed that another person wanted something to do with one of his children. Loki prayed that Vali stayed in one form.

He needed to find the spells to bind Vali to one shape. It was cruel, and Loki remembered a punishment where his shapeshifting had been taken away from him and it had nearly driven him insane, but surely it was better than what Asgard would do if they found out the truth? He wouldn’t make it permanent, and he would remove it whenever it was safe, allowing Vali to take whatever shape he desired. It was the only way. Loki could find nothing in any of the books so far. It was possible, he knew that intimately, yet he couldn’t find any information on the spell used to do it. He couldn’t ask his father the details of how he had done it. Odin was no fool, and would demand why he needed to know. 

The answer was in here somewhere. He just needed to find it.

“What are you reading?”

A hand landed on his shoulder as the voice broke the silence. Loki yelped, jumping in surprise. He had been so engrossed in his reading that he hadn’t heard another person enter the silent room.

“Damnit Thor!” He cursed.

Thor, for his part, just chuckled. It was rare that any managed to sneak up on Loki, let alone do it unintentionally. He glanced down at the book, scanning the words with a small frown. 

“Shapeshifting? Why are you reading that?” There was genuine curiosity in Thor’s voice, but no suspicion. Only confusion, nothing else (yet). 

Loki was called Lie-Smith for a reason, and despite the instant terror that started to choke him, he managed to speak in a clam, stable voice, the lie coming easily.

“Curiosity,” he replied, “I’ve found myself wondering how much of my shapeshifting comes from me being Jotun and how much has to do with the magical training I put into it. It will keep me occupied until I have time to search out and cultivate new spells. They take too much concentration to even attempt before Vali is sleeping through the night.” 

Thor was convinced, that much was clear, but he was looking at him in disbelief. Not disbelief in Loki’s words, but why he would be doing it in the first place.

“Believe it or not husband,” Loki said dryly, “there are those of us who enjoy studying for the sake of studying.”

Loki felt his normal amused exasperation that he usually felt around Thor, so far removed from the panic and gnawing dread that had overwhelmed him for the past twelve or so hours. The look on Thor’s face, a mix of distaste and have-you-lost-your-mind, made a small smile quirk up the corner of his mouth. 

It was normal and familiar, enough to make Loki forget all that was going on, if only for a moment.

“Do be careful Thor. Your face might get stuck that way.”

That would be hilarious, and Loki would consider it for a future prank. 

Thor was making no move to leave, even when Loki pointedly turned back to his book. He didn’t have time for this, even if it was soothing to his nerves. Too much was at stake for him to let Thor distract him. He realized that he had come to the end of the section on shapeshifting and closed the book. He was reading slowly, so slow that he had only gone through a handful of books. He wouldn’t allow himself to take notes in case someone found them, so he had to read everything closely and memorize anything potentially useful.

Loki got to his feet, picking up the finished books to replace them on the shelf. 

“Where is Vali?” Thor asked, though said nothing of Loki having stolen him away in the wee hours of the morning. 

“With Mother,” Loki replied, that sick feeling that accompanied all of his What If? Questions churning in his gut. 

Thor said nothing to that, but when Loki reached up to replace a book on a high shelf, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. 

“We are alone then,” Thor stated the obvious, voice right next to Loki’s ear while he nuzzled his neck. 

“Yes,” Loki would deny the hint of breathlessness in his voice even under torture, “in the very public setting of the library, where anyone could walk in.” 

Thor just chuckled a deep chuckle, and Loki felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine, “That has not stopped us before. You are the one who tells me that Vali was conceived here.” 

That…was not a memory that was helping Loki’s concentration. Neither did Thor pushing his groin into Loki’s ass, letting him feel the hardness there. This was not going the way Loki wanted it to. Actually, his body was quite enjoying this and his mind was quickly coming to agree. When Thor moved one hand under his tunic to splay across his bare stomach and used the other to cup his through his pants, Loki’s mind was no longer in control. 

This was one way he and Thor had always been compatible, even if they were at odds in everything else. Sex between them had been a fairly common occurrence since they were young and first beginning to experiment. While Thor might not have been the best lover Loki had ever had, he was certainly the one he enjoyed being with the most, and the only one he would have ever chosen to marry. And they hadn’t been together for over three months, since the last month of Loki’s pregnancy he had felt miserable and the first few months of a newborn’s life were not an ideal time for intimacy. This was a very perfect opportunity. 

Thor was alternating between kissing and biting the spot where Loki’s shoulder met his neck, and damn if that wasn’t the weak spot that made his knees weak. By the time Thor had begun to undo the fastenings of his pants, Loki had soundly decided that he needed to take a small break from his research. 

“I love you,” the words were spoken directly into his ear, accompanied by a shallow thrust against his still clothed body.

The words were like dumping a bucket of cold water on him. The same feeling – a knife being twisted in his stomach- that he had felt when he heard those words the night before, hit him. He remembered that he was lying to this man, that he didn’t –couldn’t- trust him with the truth about their son. Loki was ignoring all that they had been through together in the past few years, all the love that Thor had shown for Vali, and he hated himself for it. He hated himself for lying, for not trusting, and for risking everything they had. He hated that he would not change his mind, no matter the consequences, because this was Vali, his child, and not even Thor could make him do anything less to protect him. 

His arousal extinguished near instantly, and Thor’s hands on him made bile rise in his throat. He couldn’t do this, not knowing how terribly he was betraying him. If Thor ever found out, Loki doubted he would ever forgive him. Another reason he couldn’t do this, because sex with Thor always made him lower his guard and he could say something that would ruin the whole charade. The fact that he stopped more to keep up his lies strong than because he hated himself for lying in the first place, made him feel more sick. 

This was wrong. So very, very wrong. 

Thor wasn’t expecting it, so it was easy to twist out of his arms and put distance between them.

“Wha-what?” Thor stuttered, thrown off balance now that Loki was no longer there to lean against. 

“I’m sorry Thor,” and by gods did he ever mean that, “I just remembered that…” he couldn’t think up a true lie, so he didn’t bother to try, “that I have something I need to take care of.”

He couldn’t look at Thor’s face, not knowing that it would have the confused hurt puppy look. He didn’t trust himself not to blurt everything out if he did. He fled the room, both to get away and to avoid Thor thinking he was just playing the tease, leaving a painfully and very confused husband behind him. 

l.l.l.l.l 

Through the years, Thor had become well aquatinted with using fighting as a way to deal with frustration, both physical and mental. After Loki had left him hard and wanting in the library, Thor very much needed to get some of that frustration out. When he found his friends and suggested a sparring match, he was happy to take that frustration out on them.

He was confused, to say the least. While it wasn’t the first time that Loki brushed off his advances as a way to scold Thor for interrupting whatever it was he was doing at the time, it was the first time that he had truly run away in the middle of it. True, Loki had a tendency to tease by running off, but that was with the expectation that Thor would follow him on the chase, and eventually he would be caught. Thor might be oblivious to many things (a fair deal of them having to do with Loki and his moods), but even he had been able to tell that following Loki in that moment would have ended badly. Something had caused Loki to panic enough that he couldn’t even hide it like he would normally, nor did he even come up with a remotely believable lie, which in itself was very telling. 

Thor had no idea what had happened, but he didn’t like it (and not because he was denied sex, but because it was clear that Loki was distressed about something). 

“Enough Thor!” Sif’s angry voice broke Thor out of his thoughts. He looked at her, where she sat on the ground after he had thrown her there. She did not look impressed, “Whatever it is that has angered you, do not take it out on us.”

“We do prefer not to be permanently maimed,” Fandral drawled from the sidelines, where he and the other two warriors had taken refuge after they had had enough of Thor’s particularly brutal sparring. 

Thor rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He had not meant to fight this hard, or partake in anything more than friendly sparring, “I’m sorry my friends,” he apologized as he reached a hand down to help Sif back to her feet, “there is something on my mind.”

“Oh?” Fandral asked in interest, “and what could be so important that it risks your dear friends having to take a trip to the healing room?” 

Thor winced, “It is Loki,” he really shouldn’t be telling them, not when he knew how much Loki disliked others knowing his private business, friends or not, “he…no longer seems to want my…attentions.” 

His friends exchanged awkward looks, ones that Thor had seen before. They had appeared ever since Loki had come back after his fall, and at first, Thor though they were uncomfortable that Loki was back and completely forgiven. With the assumption in mind, Thor had told them all bluntly that no one would make any move against Loki, and said in not so many words that, if it came down to it, he would choose Loki over all others, even them.

It had then fallen to a somewhat embarrassed Volstagg to explain the truth to him. They were overjoyed at the fact that Loki was both back and sane, or course, and were of course happy that the two of them had found love together. Yet both Thor and Loki were both dear friends (even if, Volstagg admitted sadly, they had failed as friends to Loki is the past), and none of them had any desire to think of either of them in any sexual manner. Let alone together.

The answer had soothed Thor’s ire, and he had tried to be considerate to his friends by not mentioning his ‘sexcapades’ (Tony called it that, and Thor found it curious that, unlike his other friends, both Aesir and Mortal, the Man of Iron was quite intrigued by his and Loki’s love making). Unless he was drunk, or something in particular was bothering him, like now.

“Well,” Volstagg cleared his throat and was the first of them to speak, “it is very soon after the baby was born. With my own wife, I’ve noticed she does not desire in those first few months after a babe is born. I do not blame her of course, what with her body still weary and stressed and on top of caring a newborn that rarely sleeps. It is probably a natural reaction of all new mothers.”

“How has he acted in the past?” Sif was the one to ask it, “After birthing the others?”

Thor opened his mouth to reply, but found that he had none. He honestly had little idea. He had not been an ideal brother when it came to Loki’s past pregnancies. He was ashamed to say that he had been embarrassed about his brother’s unique gift (and it truly was a gift, he understood that now. It was one that he had been jealous of whenever he saw the look on Loki’s face when Vali kicked from inside his body. How Thor wished he could have shared that part of Vali’s life), and had done little to help his brother in the direct aftermath of the births. He had hated sharing Loki’s attention back then, and though he had not actively avoided him, he had not sought Loki out like he should have either. He had been a terrible brother, and there was no way around that fact. 

Thor wanted to believe that it was as simple as Volstagg claimed, but he knew it was not. Loki’s reaction was strange. He was hiding something, and while that wasn’t shocking (hurtful perhaps, but not surprising), the fact that he was doing it poorly was. There was something wrong with Loki, and Thor was going to find out what it was and then fix it.


	4. Chapter Four

It took three hours of wandering the palace (concealed in the shadows because he could not handle interacting with others) before Loki’s misery was manageable. Every time his mind would begin to settle, Thor’s genuine and beautiful ‘I love you’ would echo in his mind again, and all calm was gone.

He had things to do, and couldn’t accomplish them in such turmoil. He could not return to the library, not without coming to hate himself a little bit more. Magicing the books he needed to his room would be easy enough, but the problem was that would be the first place Thor would look for him, and without a doubt, he would come looking. His brother would demand an explanation, because as thick witted and oblivious as Thor could be, even he would realize that something was wrong. Loki’s panic and terrible excuse were enough to clue Thor in, and he would not rest until he knew what was wrong and fixed it. Thor was ever determined to ensure Loki’s happiness and Loki cursed him for it now, even as he loved him desperately for it. 

Loki wished that Thor had given him some reason to believe and trust him from his past actions. Had Thor even voiced a few words of displeasure at what had been done to Vali’s siblings, Loki would have told him everything. He would have gladly shared the burden of knowledge, and would have been better because of it. 

If Loki knew of just one other person who would side with him, who would side with Vali, then he would not feel as though he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall over the edge at any moment. Loki was alone, and he never hated it so much as he did now. 

When those thoughts grew to be too much, when Loki felt the edges of his sanity chaffing away, he forced himself to stop walking. He took deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying to centre himself and stop the thoughts. Everything came down to his worry over Vali, who he had not seen in half a day. He needed Vali in his arms, right then and there, to know what he was fine. If Loki only had tangible proof that no harm had come to his son, he would be able to quell the panic and other emotions. 

With that decision reached, Loki strode off to find his son. When she had taken him, his mother had mentioned that they were going to the garden (Vali was fascinated by the colours of the flowers). It was a beautiful day, so there was a great chance that they were still there. When he grew close, he heard the murmur of voices, he knew he was right. When he arrived not only was Frigga there with Vali, but her handmaidens as well. Frigga held Vali in her arms while the other women had weaving in their laps, all of them chatting.

When he walked into the garden, his mother looked up and smiled at him while her handmaidens inclined their heads respectively (except Sigyn, who looked away awkwardly, and he didn’t blame her for that).

“Mother,” Loki spoke, “Ladies.” He tried to add a smile, but his nerves were still too frayed to accomplish that. Instead, he settled for a polite nod. 

“Hello Loki,” his mother smiled, “have you come to take my grandson from me?”

“Sadly, Vali will need to be fed soon,” he replied.

It was the closest Frigga would ever come to outright pouting. 

“Don’t worry mother,” Loki assured her as he took Vali back, “we’re not going anywhere far. You can claim him again.”

Loki would make sure that was out off for as long as possible, but he didn’t say that.

“I suppose I can’t have him all to myself,” Frigga sighed.

Loki couldn’t deny that it hurt, seeing his mother act this way with Vali, not when she had been the opposite with his others. It was a strange emotion he felt when he watched others interacting with his youngest. Half joy that others love him, half resentment and bitterness that the others had only ever been treated with scorn and hatred. Now there was fear that the adoration would change if Vali’s secret was found out.

His mother was still talking to him and Loki made sure to look like he was paying attention and not worrying himself sick again. One of the handmaidens said something, causing Frigga’s attention to switch to her. In that moment, just as Frigga’s eyes left him, Vali giggled.

Loki recognized the giggle and a whispered spell was falling from his lips before he even thought about it. The world stopped, panic shot through him, but Loki didn’t look down. He kept his eyes on his mother’s face and his own expression impassive. Frigga looked back at her grandson, and a smile blossomed on her face. Only then did Loki look down.

Vali was waving his chubby hands in the air, giggles continuing. Most importantly, Vali still looked like himself. Loki had recognized the giggle as the one Vali had used when he first shapeshifted. Loki knew that, under the glamour he had just cast, Vali had shapeshifted again. He had to get them out of there. Now. 

“I shall see you at supper,” Loki said, keeping the frightened tremour out of his voice, “Mother, Ladies.”

His goodbyes said, Loki fled. Once he was out of their sight, he used his magic to teleport them to his room. He was shaking, adrenaline continuing to shoot through him. Vali, on the other hand, was still giggling without a care in the world.

Safe in the privacy of his rooms and curious despite himself, Loki let his glamour drop. Vali was still a blonde this time, but his hair had grown and turned into the thick curls. Loki recognized those curls as imitations of those that Sigyn possessed. 

Two different transformations in the span of a day. It was far beyond what Loki had been able to accomplish in the beginning. For a moment he forgot his dread and stared at his son in awe. Vali would, without a doubt, surpass him when it came to shapeshifting. If he developed any other magical talents, Loki guessed he would surpass him there as well. The thought of someone surpassing him as one of the most powerful sorcerers in the Nine Realms would normally anger him, but the chance of Vali accomplishing it filled him with pride. 

“Oh Vali,” Loki whispered softly, the actuate sadness of the entire situation hitting him, “I’m so sorry.”

Vali would have to hide his power, to lie to the world about his greatness. That was so unbelievably tragic. 

“You must not do that again,” Loki continued, wrapping his finger around one f the lovely curls that now made up his son’s hair, “you’ll send me to an early grave.”

Loki’s sanity couldn’t handle another instance like this. He needed to find that spell, because he was sure he’d have a nervous breakdown if Vali did this again. Vali had stopped giggling even though his hair had not turned back to normal. The baby was beginning to fidget, and Loki knew he would begin to cry soon. He had not been lying when he told his mother that Vali would need to be fed soon. 

Ignoring the fact that he was setting a terrible example, Loki shapeshifted into his female body. As he brought Vali to his breast, he continued to speak softly. 

“Don’t take me as an example of how to behave. Certainly don’t take the fact I need to change my shape to feed you as an excuse to do that same whenever it pleases you. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not. It doesn’t make you any less of a man or a warrior, no matter what you will hear from others. It’s a strength Vali, and there are very few who are powerful enough to shapeshift. I promise you, it proves you mighty.”

Loki knew from (painful) experience how it would effect Vali to be told that a core part of him was unworthy. Loki knew that his insistence that Vali keep it hidden would only make the situation worse. For all ways his parents had issues raising him, not once had Odin or Frigga told him to be ashamed of his natural talents. They had encouraged him to pursue magic if he desired it (if only they had had the foresight to sit him down an explain that Frost Giants were not nightmarish monsters). But how was he to convince Vali not to be ashamed of himself even as he insisted that Vali needed to hide himself? Loki was terrified that he would fail and that Vali would feel the same self loathing that he was so familiar with.

At some point during his feeding, Vali’s hair had turned back to normal as he began to drift off. At some point after that, when Vali was nearly asleep at his breast, loud footsteps entered the room and Loki knew that Thor had come back. It took all his willpower not to jump and bolt from the room. Thor would have realized that something was wrong, and doing that would only make Thor question him that much further. Thor might be oblivious to many things, but even he would know that something was wrong. Loki wasn’t going to make it worse.

Neither of them said anything and when it was clear that Vali was done, Loki shifted back to male form. It was then that Thor spoke.

“Loki-“

“I’m sorry,” he interrupted, unwilling to let Thor continue and hoping that it would stop him from questioning further, “about earlier.”

Thor didn’t speak, but instead sat down on the bed beside him. He left a fair deal of distance between them, but it still took Loki effort not to move further away. It was obvious that Thor wanted to talk (and oh did Loki miss the days where his emotional turmoil went completely unnoticed). 

“I am not angry,” Thor’s voice was reassuring, and Loki couldn’t help but look at him. His brother looked thoughtful, “it is your right to spurn my advances.”

Loki could have mentioned times in the past when he had spurned those advances and Thor had pouted for days, but he stayed silent. He was still hoping that Thor would say his piece and leave, but Loki had very little hope of that actually happening. 

“But there is something wrong,” Thor went on, “and I’d have you tell me what it is.” 

Had it been made as an arrogant demand, Loki could have easily shrugged it off and had an excuse to storm off. Instead, word choice aside, it was a question. From the frown and worry lines on Thor’s face, it was more of a plea. 

“Thor-“ he began with a sigh, feeling guilt swirl in his stomach again. He began to weave another lie (hopefully one better than the awful one he had used earlier), but Thor interrupted him.

“There is something.”

A spark of anger lit in Loki, an irritation that Thor was not just leaving him alone. He raised an eyebrow, a look of minor contempt formed on his face and sarcasm leaked into his voice, “Why? Because I refused to sleep with you?”

Instead of rising to the bait, Thor replied in the same tone and without hesitation, “Because the lie you told to get away was an obvious one. Even I, who have believed even some of your most outrageous falsehoods without a thought, knew it to be a lie.” 

Any indignation Loki felt extinguished. He looked away again, this time down to Vale. Vali, who was still barely awake and looking over to where Thor sat. He could tell the truth. He could tell Thor what was actually wrong, take a leap of faith. He could trust, could believe in Thor. 

He could have done those things, but instead he sighed, “I’m just tired Thor.” 

“Is it Vali?” the question made Loki choke, but Thor continued on quickly enough that it stopped the building panic, “I know that raising a newborn is trying, especially for the women who bore them. I don’t know how that would work with you…”

Thor’s confusion was humorous, and Loki smiled a little. His face was similar to the one Thor had worn when he had been trying to figure out if he should be calling Loki ‘Brother’ or ‘Sister’ the first time he had seen Loki as a woman. Loki had tried to explain the specifics of shapeshifting once, but Thor had not listened. 

“That’s part of it,” Loki replied, and that was not a complete lie, “but it’s also having to deal with others as well,” seeing Thor’s (increased) look of confusion, Loki elaborated, “I had no one else involved when the others were born, and as tiring as that was, having to interact with those who expect more from me than being held and fed, is just as exhausting at times.” 

Thor looked guilty at that. At first it surprised him, but then Loki assumed that Thor felt guilt at tiring him out (in a way that had nothing to do with the bedroom).

“Oh,” was Thor’s reply.

They sat in silence then, and an awkward one at that.. Loki hoped that Thor would leave it at that, and perhaps even that. He prayed that Thor would not ask how being tired led to fleeing like a terrified maiden, because Loki’s nerves were too frayed to come up with an even half convincing lie. Thor did neither of those things. 

“I will take Vali whenever you need to rest,” Thor sounded earnest when he spoke again, “you just need to tell me. Vali is my son and you are my husband, and I wish you both to be happy and healthy.”

“I know,” Loki could barely speak through the lump in his throat. He did know that Thor believed that to be the absolute truth. What he didn’t know was if that belief would hold up in reality if he found out about their son, “and I will.” Loki didn’t look at Thor when he said it, knowing the lie would be evident in his eyes.

Only once Loki had found the spell that would trap Vali in his original shape would he leave the baby alone in anyone’s company again. 

He needed to leave, to clear his mind and stop the sickness he felt. He needed to be somewhere no one would find him, where no one would think to search him out. The answer came to Loki abruptly, and he knew it was probably not the best one. He would leave the city proper altogether, travel into the forest and visit his chained son. Seeing what had been done to Fenrir because he was different would only make his anxiety over Vali worse. But it was the one place he knew no one would look for him despite the frequent visits he made. 

Loki went to Fenrir at least once every few days, never going longer than a week without seeing him. Even when he had spent his years terrorizing Midgard, Loki had come back to see him. The visits were brief and rare, dangerous for him to undertake. Had he been caught before things had been settled with Thor, Loki did not think that even his parents would have been able to insure that Asgard gave him forgiveness and leniency, even if they wished it. That did not stop him, and wouldn’t have even if he was in his right mind. If nothing else, he needed his Asgard bound children to know that he still lived. In all of those years the only one he had been unable to see was Hela, because not even he could travel the paths to Hel. He comforted himself with the knowledge that she would know that he was not dead. Even if, by some very unlikely miracle, he ever managed to gain entrance to Valhalla, it would always be his daughter’s realm that he chose at the time of his death.

Seeing any of them always bought him joy, no matter the ways they were confined or wronged. He needed a little joy at the moment.

“I’m taking Vali for a walk,” Loki said, rising from the bed, “it puts him to sleep, walking out in the open air.”

Thor may have been a bit surprised by his abrupt announcement, but he didn’t show it. Instead he nodded as though this was a wise idea. He looked expectant for a moment, waiting for an invitation. When it didn’t come, Thor looked disappointed, but just nodded again. Loki was surprised- he had half expected Thor to decided to follow without even asking if Loki wanted his company. 

“Where will you take him?” Thor asked out of curiosity.

And he was being so open and so damn considerate of Loki’s feelings, that Loki ignored his desire to lie to keep his destination a complete secret. 

“To visit Fenrir,” Loki answered honestly, and then realized a little too late that he really should have lied. 

He knew Thor’s silence was not a good one, and that when he looked down to Thor’s face it would not have a good expression. He was right. Thor looked alarmed, and that made anger spike through him.

“Loki-“ Thor began, the protest coming.

That made Loki’s anger evolve instantly to rage. Loki would allow Thor to get away with much, but daring to say anything about his children was not one of them.

“Be careful of your next words Thor,” Loki interrupted, voice cold, “if you dare forbid me from seeing Fenrir or the others, I will leave you. If you try and forbid me from taking Vali to his siblings, I will do the same.”

Thor looked startled by Loki’s declaration and possibly a little scared by the threat. He opened his mouth to speak, but Loki didn’t let him. His voice was not as cold this time.

“If someone told you that your son was being taken away and you could never see him again, how would you take it? Would you be passive and accept it?”

He knew Thor didn’t truly think of Fenrir or the others as anything more than beasts, but surely now that he was a father himself he would at least understand the sentiment. 

Thor no longer looked startled but was frowning for the millionth time in the last fifteen minutes, “Of course not! I would not do that! He is your son and I’d not take away your right to father him. It’s just that Fenrir is…” he paused, thinking and then choosing what he thought was the right word, “dangerous, and Vali is so little…”

By little Thor meant so easy to harm, and Loki forgave him a little for his words. He still thought Fenrir a dangerous monster (and that was something a part of Loki would never truly forgive him for), but he objected now because he feared it would put Vali in danger.

“Fenrir can barely move Thor,” Loki was sure that Thor did not know the extent of Fenrir’s binding (he was not there when it happened and never went there after), “even if he wanted to attack he would be unable. Fenrir is dangerous, I cannot deny that, but never once has he harmed family. This will not be the first time Vali has been in his presence, and he has remained unscathed. 

It was three days after his birth that Loki first took Vali to meet Fenrir, and had taken him many times since. 

“Alright,” Thor finally said.

Loki had expected more of a fight, and it must have shown on his face.

“Loki, you are the best parent I have ever seen. You’ve loved all of your children, no matter what shape they took. You would never endanger any of your children. If I could trust you with nothing else, I would trust you to protect your child.” 

Loki was struck speechless. When had Thor gained his own silver tongue? Since when did Thor begin to believe that his other children were worthy of being protected? 

There was a flicker of hope, faint but unmistakeable. There was no proof that Thor would act any different than he had in the past, but Loki truly believed that he might not for the first time. He needed more evidence before he would ever tell, and it would only happen after he found the spell he needed, but maybe one day he’d be able to share the burden of knowledge.

Impulsively, Loki lent down and brushed a kiss across Thor’s cheek, “I’ll be back later.”

“Enjoy your visit,” was the only reply.

It took him nearly half an hour to reach the place where Fenrir was chained. He did not move past a normal pace. Vali did truly fall asleep easier while he was being walked around at a fairly leisurely pace. Loki used the time to think.

For the first time since discovering Vali’s shapeshifting, Loki felt hopeful. Perhaps…perhaps everything would be alright. For the first time, Loki let himself believe that Vali would not be ripped from his arms. He prayed that Thor would prove himself worthy of keeping Vali’s secret, because not baring this burden alone would make everything so much better.

Any of the calm he felt was gone the moment he reached Fenrir and was brutally reminded of what would happen to Vali if he was found out. No matter how many times he saw this, the sight of Fenrir in chains still managed to shock him. This time he felt a new layer to the usual dread. He found tears stinging his eyes as his thoughts of Vali’s punishment for being different would be. 

Would it be exile? Or exile followed by bondage? Where would they send him? What realm would they cast him into? Hel perhaps, because he was too young to survive on his own? Surely not to Midgard or Jotunheim, where he was forbidden to go? 

Setting foot in Jotunheim would be an instant death sentence, and Loki didn’t blame the Frost Giants for wanting his head. One of the conditions that came with S.H.I.E.L.D releasing him to Asgard instead of punishing him themselves was that Loki never return to Earth. He had agreed of course, but had no intention of obeying that command. Just because he had ‘turned over a new leaf’ (the good Captain’s phrase, not his), did not mean he was no longer a liar. He would wait a few more years, when the Avengers no longer suspected him of popping up with new schemes and Asgard no longer watched him like a hawk for the same reason, and then take the hidden pathways to the realm. Midgard was just too interesting these days to stay away (and how he missed Starbucks) and Jorgamund’s presence on the planet meant that there was no way he was staying away forever. But by that time, if Vali was sent there, it would be too late. Jorgamund might be there, but there was no way he could care for an infant. It was impossible, but would any be willing to acknowledge that?

Fenrir was not alone when Loki arrived. Tyr was there as well, seeing that Fenrir was fed his evening mean. It turned Loki’s stomach, watching how his son needed to be handfed because he could not do it on his own, not with those chains. He swallowed thickly, then cleared his throat. Both Tyr and Fenrir looked over at the sound. Tyr looked away as soon as he realized who it was and Fenrir kept his graze. Tyr rose and left without a word or look (he’d never been able to meet Loki’s eyes again after Fenrir’s chaining). A minute later, Loki, Fenrir and Vali were left alone.

“Hello Fenrir.”

“Father,” the words were not said out loud but echoed in Loki’s mind. The only bit of magic any of his animal sons possessed was the ability to project their words even though they didn’t have the vocal chords to verbally express them. 

Loki took a seat beside his son and shifted Vali, who had fallen asleep, into one arm while he used the other to take the job Tyr had just left. Fenrir bristled at first (as he did every time), wanting to growl at the indignity, but (as always) he grudgingly took the meat being offered. 

A very long time ago Loki had figured out which topics to avoid when speaking with Fenrir. Anything that had to do with Asgard or Aesir (unless it had something to do with them being maimed or otherwise brutally injured) was to be avoided. Safe topics involved his siblings, Loki’s mischief making (one of the few times Fenrir laughed anymore was when Loki recounted a particularly epic prank) and not much else.

“I have reason to believe that I may be a grandfather soon,” Loki began, “Sleipnir seems to have attracted the attention of one of the Valkerie’s pegasuses. From the reaction I get when I mention her, I’m led to believe that Sleipnir might return that attraction. I don’t suppose he’s said anything to you about it hmm?” Sleipnir visited Fenrir as often as Loki did. Fenrir gave no response, “Fine then, keep his secrets. But I warn you now, siring a colt with a Valkerie’s steed would make a custody case worthy of Midgard.”

Loki was dreading the headache that would come with that. It seemed that his offspring were following his example in choosing mates that would only cause them trouble in the long run. 

“Hela sent a letter,” he continued, “actually, a small novel would be a better description. Sleipnir brought it back last time he went to Hel. I’ll bring it next time I come to read to you. Never tell Hela this, but the details of ruling the land of the dead is not particularly interesting. She didn’t leave a message for you within the details.”

Fenrir’s silence was beginning to unnerve him. Fenrir was never silent this long, was always interrupting and adding his own comments (usually violent and somewhat threatening) about no matter what topic Loki was speaking about. There was something wrong, but Loki could not figure out what it was. Fenrir was not one to keep his complaints and anger to himself. 

“Fenrir?” Loki questioned, uncertainty in his voice. 

“Yes?” the reply was just as wrong as the silence. The tone was cold. Fenrir was never cold, it did not suit him. Fenrir was bright hot rage and passion, fire where his father was ice. Fenrir was the child that was the least like Loki in temperament, and seeing him act like it now was close to chilling. 

“What’s wrong?” it was a stupid question and Loki knew it, but it was the question that he asked.

Fenrir gave a harsh bark that was as close to bitter laughter that he could come, “Wrong? Whatever could be wrong? For the past three hundred years I’ve been chained here as though I’m an animal and it is a sentence I did not earn and will never escape. I’m bound here for eternity. Tell me Father, what is not wrong with that?” 

There was nothing Loki could say to that. Apologizing would do no good and neither would making promises of freedom. Instead, he looked away from Fenrir and his cold fury.

Coming here was a mistake. A brutal reminder that he was a failure as a father, one who could not protect his children from their terrible fates. He hadn’t saved Jorgamund from Midgard’s lonely seas, Fenrir from his unbreakable chains or Hela from being cast into Hel. How could he ever believe he’d be able to protect Vali any better?

“Nothing to say Father?” there was a mocking in the tone, and a degree of contempt on that last word, “No honeyed promises from your silver tongue? No lies from the great Liesmith? You won’t tell me that this will all work out, won’t tell me to take your example and keep hope?” 

“Enough Fenrir!” Loki finally snapped, “Say what you mean and be done with it!”

He had heard Fenrir’s bitterness and rage often enough. There were many times that Loki had sat for hours and listened to Fenrir rant, petting him in an attempt to soothe. This was the first time that that rage and bitterness was directed at him. 

“You come to my prison, bearing the marks of the prince of the realm who put me here. You returned to Asgard with your tail between your legs, forgiving and begging acceptance of those who wronged the children you gave birth to. Instead of reeking vengeance down on them, you’ve become their lap dog again. It was forgivable before your fall, when you believed them to be yours. Now that you know the truth? It’s a betrayal of those that are your true family, because the ones you are so eager to please? They are the ones that did this to us.

“I could have forgiven that, because I understand the drive to be accepted, to be loved by those around you. I would not begrudge you that just because I failed at achieving it. You were fighting for it long before I was born. I could have forgiven you for marrying one of them, even if I have a special distaste for that bastard that is my uncle. What I can’t forgive, what is the worst of your crimes, is daring to bring that when you come to rub your betrayal in my face.”

It was very apparent that the ‘that’ Fenrir spoke about was Vali. When Fenrir’s murderous glare turned on his brother, Loki was on his feet and steps away (Thor was correct when he said Loki would do what was needed to in order to protect his child…even from their siblings if it was needed). Fenrir gave that harsh bark again, a parody of a laugh. 

“Your prefect child, ones that does not even have your colouring to mar the love for him in the eyes of others. He is not even a bastard this time, now is he. He fits into your new, perfect family, does he not? Fits into the world who has shunned you and punished us. The favoured son who will never feel pain, will never be anything else but a perfect Aesir. A child that you will never lose, one that taunts the existence of the rest of us monsters.”

“You hate him,” Loki was shocked, unable to believe what he was hearing.

“Not only him,” Fenrir growled in return.

The wind was driven out of Loki’s lungs as though he had been struck. He took a step backwards, his stomach twisting violently. Fenrir’s words, or more importantly the words he left unsaid, echoed in his mind, making Loki’s world spin.

Fenrir hated him. His son, his rambunctious wolf pup, hated him. 

Loki wanted to beg forgiveness, to fall on his knees and do or say anything to gain back Fenrir’s love. But how could he? How could he ask forgiveness for bringing Vali into the world and loving him? No matter how Fenrir hated him, Loki would not apologize for that. He would not ask forgiveness for that.

If Loki were to tell him of Vali’s shapeshifting, if he were to break the illusion of Vali as the perfect, Fenrir’s rage would at least shift away from his youngest sibling. He would still hate Loki, but not Vali, and even that would ease Loki’s heartbreak. But he couldn’t. Loki balked against it, but he knew one terrible truth to his very core. Gods help him, but he couldn’t trust Fenrir, not with this. It would be used against him, the truth used as a way to hurt Loki for the betrayal Fenrir felt.

Gods help them all, but Fenrir truly was his father’s son.

“I see,” Loki finally spoke, somehow managing to keep his pain from his voice, but unable to stop the tears that stung his eyes, “then I shall leave you.”

He turned without another word and walked away, a part of him waiting for Fenrir to call out an apology, just as he had as a child when he said something hateful he didn’t mean. There was no call, only silence and the feel of a hateful gaze on his back. 

Loki walked back to his quarters in a daze, his mind unable to form coherent thoughts. It wasn’t until Loki was back in his room and the still sleeping Vali was back in his crib, did it all hit him.

Fenrir hated him. He felt as much disgust for Loki as he did for the Aesir that had punished him. Fenrir hated Vali. Loki was certain that if he slipped his chains, Fenrir would come after Vali. A brutal, violent and horrific image flashed through Loki’s mind. Fenrir free, already covered in blood and gore, using his giant paw to pin his baby brother to the ground as he ripped out Vali’s throat. The image made his vision go black along the edges, and Loki thought he was going to faint. His legs gave out and he tumbled to the floor. He didn’t feel the pain of his body hitting, could only wrap his arms around his violently trembling body.

The gift of prophecy was not one of his talents so he knew it was no vision of the future. It was the greatest fear he had ever felt, even eclipsing that which he felt about the possibility of Vali being taken away. It would not leave his mind and the only reason he had not lost the contents of his stomach was that there was nothing to lose.

No gods no. This couldn’t be happening. Fenrir could not have become the monster they all claimed he was, not without Loki realizing it was happening. He spent too much time with Fenrir for him not to see that that this was happening. He could not have been this blind, been this terrible a father. Fenrir’s hated and Vali’s shapeshifting had to be a nightmare, or maybe a new punishment that had been inflicted on him, one that was mental and made him see things that weren’t real.

A new thought hit him and it made him curl into himself. What of the others? Did Sleipnir, Jorgamund and Hela hate him as Fenrir did? Did they resent Vali as he did? Had he, in trying to secure his own happiness, turn his children – the beings he loved most, would gladly give his life, sell his soul and kill for- against him? Had he, by bringing a normal looking son into the world, betrayed them?

If that was true, Loki wasn’t sure he would be able to resist the desire to throw himself off the Bifrost once again. It certainly wouldn’t stop his sanity from breaking, and if this was the truth, Loki wouldn’t want to be in his right mind to deal with the knowledge. 

Loki was intellectually aware that he was going into shock, but he did not care on any other level. He could do nothing to stop himself from this downward spiral.

An hour later, this was how Thor found him. Curled up on the floor, leaning against the bed and shaking violently.

“Loki!” He cried in what could only be called fear. He was at Loki’s side quicker than he could normally move. Loki did not turn to look at him, did not even acknowledge his presence. 

“What’s wrong!” Thor was panicking and he knew it.

Loki gave no response, and that made Thor desperate. He grabbed onto Loki’s face and forced him to look at him. Loki’s eyes were wider than Thor had ever seen them, managing to look stunned and horrified at the same time. That look terrified Thor.

“Is it Vali? Fenrir? What has happened!” 

Loki finally reacted, and it was to Thor saying Fenrir’s name. A sob came out of him and he threw himself into Thor’s arms. He clutched desperately at Thor’s shoulders, hanging onto him as though his life depended on it. He sobbed again, a sound similar to a wordless wail accompanying it. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, holding his husband tightly. 

A glance at his son’s crib told him that Vali was there, safe and sound. That meant that it was Fenrir that Loki’s reaction was over. That did not stop the terror Thor felt over what was happening.

Had someone harmed Fenrir? For the first time Thor realized how completely helpless the wolf was. If someone decided to attack Fenrir, he would have no way to protect himself. He was like a worm on a hook, unable to do anything but squirm in place and wait for death. Tyr was the only source of protection, and Thor was certain Tyr would give his life to protect Fenrir (Thor was not blind to the self hatred the other warrior felt for helping to trap Fenrir), but Tyr was not always at Fenrir’s side. If someone wanted it, all they would have to do was wait until Tyr was gone and then kill his nephew without anything to stop them.

Thor may have not have seen a problem with binding Fenrir as a precaution, but he never would have allowed him to be killed. Even if Odin had ordered it, Thor would have stopped it. It didn’t matter that Fenrir was a wolf, only that he was the son that Loki loved. He could not let a member of his family be slaughtered, moreover Thor loved his brother too much to allow him to live through the pain of losing a child. If someone dared to kill the wolf, Thor would see them dead, either by his hand or by holding them down for Loki to deal with.

Thor didn’t think Fenrir dead, not by this reaction. If someone had killed Fenrir, Thor was sure that Asgard would be burning. The vengeance that Loki would unleash would be terrible to behold. It would put all the destruction he had heaped upon Midgard to shame, and it would be unstoppable. 

Knowing that, Thor was at a loss to understand what could have brought on this reaction. He had no choice but to wait until Loki could tell him. It was hard and nerve wracking, waiting for Loki to become coherent again. It was only when Loki’s sobs had become pathetic whimpers did Thor speak. 

“What has happened?” he hoped that his question wouldn’t set Loki off again. 

“He hates me,” Loki whispered, and Thor had never heard his brother sound so utterly hopeless.

Thor was stunned. All memories he had of Fenrir all had him being joyful in his father’s presence. He had only ever seen Fenrir return his father’s unconditional love whole heartedly. He was aware that captivity would change anyone, would expect Fenrir to become bitter and harsh, but surely he would not turn against Loki? There were so few people who cared about the wolf. Surely he would not allow himself to hate the one who loved him most?

“Is he right Thor?” Loki looked up at him, face tear stained and eyes desperate, “Have I betrayed them by being here? Do I deserve their hate because I’ve chosen those who have destroyed their lives?”

Thor had no answer for him.

……

Loki had fallen asleep still huddled in Thor’s arms. Falling asleep was a far too relaxed word for what Loki had done. What Loki had done would better be described as passing out from sheer exhaustion and emotional turmoil. Thor was just glad he had and was no longer suffering through it. Though from the frown still marring his face, his dreams were not peaceful ones. Having some understanding of the way Loki’s mind worked, Thor knew his torments had followed him even into sleep. 

He didn’t know how to fix this. He could go to Fenrir, but he knew that would only make it worse. He could try and convince Loki that Fenrir had not meant it, but Loki would not believe it unless it came from Fenrir himself. His husband was heartbroken and there was nothing Thor could do to make it better.

He could not leave them sitting on the floor for the rest of the night, so as gently as he could so not to jostle Loki, he lifted him up and laid him on the bed. Loki didn’t stir. Thor wanted to join him, wanted to lay down and pull Loki into his arms again. His presence had not brought much comfort while Loki was awake, but perhaps it would bring some while he slept. 

Thor had come searching for a reason. His mother had sent him to bring Loki and Vali to the great hall for supper. There was a feast (for what Thor wasn’t sure- he had given up paying attention unless it was celebrating his or his friends’ glories) and both Loki and Vali were required to be there (Loki as a grown member of the royal family and Vali because the court adored him). If Thor stayed here with them, someone would come to collect them. Loki closely guarded his privacy and his pain and would not want the possibility of an outsider finding this out. 

He didn’t want Loki to wake up alone, but he wanted someone else to disturb Loki even less. Thor sighed and moved to leave the room. He stopped at his son’s cradle and looked down at his sleeping son. Unlike his father (Thor still wanted to say mother, but he would abide by Loki’s wishes), Vali looked peaceful in sleep.

“You’re not allowed to cause your father any grief,” Thor whispered, running a finger down Vali’s cheek, “Fenrir has just broken his heart, and you must be sure never to do the same. He loves all of you too much to stand it.”

He only prayed that none of the others felt the same. They were far too old for Thor to deliver the same message and not close enough to ask for the promise.

When Thor made it to the hall, the feast was underway. His parents both noticed that he was alone, and he gave them their answer before they asked the question.

“They’re both sleeping. Vali hasn’t been sleeping well and keeping Loki up (he didn’t mention the fact he had the cowardly habit of fleeing at Vali’s cries. He needed to stop that now that Loki told him how tired he was). I couldn’t bear to wake them.”

His parents nodded, looks of understanding on their faces. They had, after all, raised two children. They said nothing, and Thor took his seat.

Laughter and yelling ran through the hall, but Thor was in no mood for it. He lifted his tankard when the time came for it and listened to the conversations around him, but did not engage in the merriment. If anyone noticed (he was sure, at least, his mother did), they did not comment. Thor was not one for brooding, but he could not shake it (even if he truly wished to). He was not one who thought too deeply on the future, let alone let himself feel dread about it (he was, for the most part, an optimist at his core), but now he could not stop. There was a feeling deep inside him, one that told him that this was not the only thing that was going on. More importantly, this was not the only thing that was wrong. He felt, deep in his heart, that there was something threatening his family’s happiness. He needed to find out what it was, because he refused to allow anything to threaten it. 

. . . . . . 

In the first few moments of first waking up, everything was alright. When the moments were over, the memories hit Loki again, and with them the pain.

Fenrir. Vali.

Loki wanted to fall back asleep, to escape the memories of Fenrir’s words and Vali’s shapeshifting. He wanted to return to three days ago, back to when he was genuinely happy and fear was not present. 

He whimpered and felt another crying fit beginning. He received a response to the sound; an arm wrapped around his waist and pulled his body into another solid one. Loki opened his eyes and saw a distressed Thor looking at him.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Thor asked softly. 

Loki didn’t want to answer, didn’t want to be forced to remember, let alone recall it out loud. He did it anyway, “Fenrir…we had words. He had things to say and none of them pleasant. He told me he hates me for coming back here, for staying.”

Loki’s voice shook as he spoke, but he didn’t sob or break off. He did not bring up what Fenrir had said about Vali. Thor would be enraged if he knew Fenrir could pose a true threat to the baby. Fenrir may hate him, but Loki would still do whatever was necessary to protect him. 

“He hates you because you’ve found happiness?” Thor was incredulous. 

“Fenrir has been tied down and unable to move for three hundred years. I’ve chosen to love and continue to live amongst the ones who did it.”

“I did not-“ Thor began to protest, but Loki cut him off.

“You did nothing to stop it and did not fight to reverse it after it was done,” there was accusation in his voice, but Loki wasn’t sure if Thor would even hear it (he never had before), “for any of them.”

Thor glanced away, and the move surprised Loki. Thor had never shown any guilt before over his lack of action. Why would he start now?

“Are you sure he was not just speaking in anger?” 

Loki wished he could believe those words, but he knew better than to lie to himself. He just shook his head, “No Thor, he wasn’t.”

Loki closed his eyes, fighting back tears. Everything about the past two days was a nightmare, and all Loki wanted to do was wake up. 

Thor’s hold on him tightened, and Loki was thankful for it. It surprised him. He didn’t think Thor was capable of feeling any sympathy over anything about Loki’s other children. 

He couldn’t lay there and continue to think of this. If he let himself brood, if he didn’t do something to force his mind to focus on something else, he would drive himself insane. He needed to do something. It had to be something he would focus wholeheartedly on, that would keep his attention. Loki knew what that something had to be. The only thing that could completely occupy his mind right now was continuing his research into Vali’s shapeshifting.

It wouldn’t calm him or bring him peace. Loki knew it would bring him anxiety and dread, would still make him feel like his world was on the brink of ruin and his sanity on the edge of destruction. All of that aside, it was the only thing that would take over his mind completely. Protecting Vali was the most important thing, even more than Fenrir’s feelings- those he could do nothing to change, but he still had the chance to keep Vali safe. Fenrir was quite possibly lost to him (he would never give up trying to win back Fenrir’s love, never), and it made his determination to keep Vali protected (with him- safe with him, where he would never be harmed and never come to hate his father). 

With the decision made, Loki began to get up. Thor’s arm around him prevented him.

“What-“

“I need a distraction Thor,” Loki explained, “I need something else to think about. I can’t just lie here remembering what Fenrir said. I’ll go insane if I do.”

“Of course,” if Loki was able to bring himself to care about anything outside his sons, he’d be wondering why Thor was being so considerate the last few days. While it was true that Thor was more considerate (or at least tried to be) than he ever had been in the past since Loki’s return. This was different. Not once did Thor seem exasperated or close to losing his temper, which personality and ego humbling aside, still happened rather frequently. He as still Thor after all. 

On his way out of the room Loki stopped to scoop Vali into his arms, careful not to wake him.

“You’re taking Vali with you?” Thor sounded surprised. 

“He still needs me,” Loki’s voice was soft as he replied. He stopped but did not turn back to face Thor, “Fenrir hates me, and the others may as well, but Vali doesn’t. Vali loves me completely in whatever way he can. I need that, need to be reminded of that.

Thor stayed silent. When he didn’t protest further, Loki walked out of the room. The palace was teaming with the usual morning activity. No one spoke to him, but many of the passing servants smiled at Vali as they passed. When he reached the library it was the same as how he had left it the day before. He would have chastised himself for leaving his research out where anyone could find it, if not for the fact that he knew that he was one of the few who actually used the library. Sitting down, he began where he had left off the day before. 

Hours later he had made some progress. There was nothing concrete, a few references to a curse that forced someone to shape shift into a form not their own. It wasn’t exactly what Loki wanted, but there might be a way for him to reverse engineer it. That would be a last resort, because there was no way in Hel that he wanted to put his son under a curse.

Someone cleared their throat, and Loki looked up to see a nervous looking servant standing in the doorway. He closed the book and slid it under a pile of others which had nothing to do with the subject. The last thing he needed was someone else noticing his study of shapeshifting (Thor was bad enough), not when the entire realm knew he had mastered that long ago. He doubted anyone would put two and two together, but Loki could not take that chance. 

“Yes?” He asked, relieved that the servant had not noticed hid actions.

“A message from the Gatekeeper. Your daughter is here.”


	5. Chapter Five

The news was so completely surprising that it stunned Loki into silence. He was quite openly gaping at the servant who was still fidgeting in the doorway. He almost asked the woman to repeat her statement. 

Hela had been sent to Hel two hundred and seventy seven years ago and not once since then had she ever left. She had, in fact, vowed never to set foot in Asgard again. What could she be doing here?

Loki shook away his surprise and addressed the servant who was still waiting for him to reply, “You may go.”

She gave a quick curtsey before she turned and scampered away. Loki imagined she’d be spreading the word of Hela’s arrival through the palace quickly enough. 

The first thought he had once the shock wore off was one of pure joy. His little girl was visiting? He hadn’t seen her before his fall from the Bifrost, which meant it had been far too long. A sense of fear and panic, brought on by the sharp memory of Fenrir’s words, began soon afterwards. This time, through sheer force of will, he forced it down.

He hadn’t seen his daughter in years, and he refused to let anything mar her visit before it even began. No. He would not let Fenrir ruin this. Until Hela told him otherwise, he was going to see this solely as an unexpected but very welcome visit. He didn’t know why she was here, but it would be the best thing to happen to him in the past two days.

He felt light hearted as he left the library. Hela had always been able to make him feel that way, and as he continued a smile even made its way onto his face. She was coming from the Bifrost, so that meant Loki would need to ride out to meet her. That was not a problem in itself – Sleipnir would want to be there to greet his sister- but it did mean that he would need to leave Vali behind. 

Doubt gnawed at him again. He could wait here for her, but he had no desire to do that. Not only would that send a terrible and hurtful message to Hela, it would also cause other to question why. For all that he was disliked and his children considered monsters, even the Aesir had to (grudgingly) admit that he was a dutiful and loving parent. If he didn’t rush down to greet Hela after years without seeing her then it would be obvious that something was going on.

Loki looked down at Vali, who was gurgling away in his arms as they walked. Surely he could leave Vali for the time it would take to ride to the Bifrost and back? He had left Vali with Frigga and her women for a number of hours yesterday, and nothing had happened. It was only once Loki had him again did Vali shapeshift.

That made Loki’s footsteps falter. How had he not realized that before? Twice had Vali shapeshifted, and both times had been in Loki’s arms. Could that perhaps be part of it? Could Vali’s shapeshifting be triggered by being close to another shapeshifter? It would give reason as to why Vali had started so early. If that was true it wouldn’t make Vali completely safe, but it would decrease the chances of him being found out. Loki wanted to believe it, but he had no sure proof of it. For all he knew Vali was shapeshifting when no one was there to see it, but it did bear further research. 

Even so, Loki was willing to chance leaving Vali for the time it would take to fetch Hela. It was selfish of him and he would never forgive himself if anything were to happen, but Loki sought his mother out anyway.

She was again in the gardens, her ladies with her like the day before. Just before he reached them he whispered to his son, “Please stay like this. For only a little while.”

Vali gave no reply of course, but Loki prayed that he would comply anyway.

“Mother,” Loki spoke as he walked up to her, making all of them except Frigga jump slightly at his sudden appearance, “will you watch Vali? I will not be long.”

“Of course!” Frigga’s eyes lit up, “Where are you off to?”

It was curiosity that made her ask, and Frigga only half expected Loki to give an answer. Had he not answered she would no say a word (though he would receive a standard Disappointed Mother look). He decided to tell the truth just to see their reactions. 

“I just received word that Hela has arrived at the Bifrost.”

There were openly shocked faces, a quickly stifled horrified gasp from one of the ladies (he’d remember and punish her for that later) and an ashamed look across Sigyn’s face before she quickly looked down at her lap. Those were the reactions he expected but they were no less disappointing for the expectation. 

“I did not realize that Hela was visiting,” Frigga sounded surprised bit not upset.

“Neither did I,” Loki admitted “I can only suppose she wished it to be a surprise.” 

“Shall I prepare a room for her?”

“I doubt she will stay,” Loki replied, sad about that fact, “but if Hela wishes to than I will inform you immediately.” 

Frigga nodded, and Loki brought up the other thing, “Sleipnir will probably wish to ride out with me to greet her. If Father has need of him, will you inform him?”

“I’ll send word that Hela’s here,” Frigga told him, “Odin will wish to see her before she leaves.”

Loki doubted very much that Odin would actually wish to see her. He would be expected to as she was visiting royalty and it was protocol, but it would not be because he actually desired to see his granddaughter. Loki also painfully noticed that Frigga did not say she wished to see Hela. Oh, Loki knew that, if Hela wanted to see her, Frigga would not deny her granddaughter. She would welcome Hela and offer the best hospitality that Asgard had to offer, the only thing acceptable for a member of the royal family of Asgard. It would be polite and perhaps peppered with fondness, but not loving, and Hela would know the difference. He knew his parents did not mean to damage his children’s emotions, but they seemed incapable of doing anything else. 

“Thank you Mother,” Loki replied, hiding his disappointment in her well.

After he left them Loki wasted no time in heading to the stables. He had left his little girl waiting long enough. The royal stables of Asgard housed roughly thirty different horses and Sleipnir’s stall was at the very end of the building. It was the largest one, twice the size of the others and the only one that had a door that opened out into the open pasture behind that building that was unlocked. Loki knew that Sleipnir was content in this place, and it always made him happy that at least on of his children enjoyed their life. 

Sleipnir was lying down when Loki reached the stall. When the horse saw him, Sleipnir rose to his feet and trotted to him. Sleipnir nudged Loki’s head with his own, and it made Loki laugh.

“Hello Son,” Loki ran a hand down Sleipnir’s nose. 

Sleipnir nickered in greeting. While Sleipnir was just as capable as projecting his words as his brothers, he normally did not do it. He preferred to vocalize as a horse, especially with those he knew would understand his meanings without words. Loki assumed that it was both his parents were (technically) horses.

“Your sister has decided to pay us a visit,” Sleipnir made no sound of surprise, which told Loki that he knew that Hela would be coming, “keeping secrets are we? Well, at least this means there’s no emergency she’s come seeking help for. Do you wish to come with me?” 

Sleipnir gave him a look that was quite reminiscent of Midgardian teenage girls when they rolled their eyes and said ‘obviously’. It was impressive that a horse managed to convey that look.

With a chuckle, Loki opened the stall door and stepped back to let Sleipnir out. Loki didn’t bother with the saddle, but instead would ride bareback. “May I?” He would never just assume that he had Sleipnir’s permission to ride. He always asked. 

Sleipnir snorted and there was that look again. Once they were outside the stables Sleipnir bent slightly at the knees in order to allow Loki to mount. 

“Shall we?” The words were barely out of Loki’s mouth Before Sleipnir took off. He didn’t go at full speed, not when the two of them had to go through the city streets, only a few people milling about or not. He still went faster than any other horse could, and the feel of it (along with the startled looks on the faces of those they passed, even if it was a momentary blur) made Loki laugh. There was truly nothing like riding Sleipnir. It always left him feeling as though he was a child again. 

They arrived at the Bifrost in half the time that it would have taken any other horse. Heimdall was standing just outside the observatory with Hela. Though the two weren’t looking at each other it was obvious that they were having some sort of conversation. 

Hela looked the same as she had the last time she and Loki had seen each other. She was wearing a dark green gown elegant enough to put most of Frigga’s to shame. Her hair was pinned up in elaborate curls and she wore jewellery crafted by Dwarves (all emeralds of course). She looked exactly like the queen she was, and Loki knew it was a very deliberate move on his daughter’s part. Centuries ago, when the people of Asgard had demanded that Hela be cast away into Hel, they would have had an idea what they were sending her to. They didn’t care, and though they would never admit it out loud, they would have believed misery was a suitable punishment for being one of Loki’s children. They would have assumed that, if ever they did see her again (though they hoped they never would), she would be meek, miserable and cowed by her own fate. Everything about Hela now, from her way of dressing to her manner, proved them wrong. It proved her to be dignified and very far from tragically miserable. It also showed everyone that Hela was, very literally, better than almost all of them. 

His daughter was such a clever little thing.

Hela smiled brightly when Sleipnir stopped in front of her. Loki dismounted and walked up to his daughter, kissing her unblemished cheek and hugging her tightly.

“Now what are you doing here?” He asked her.

“Cannot a daughter visit her father?” was the reply, her voice just betraying her amusement.

“When does anyone in our family do anything without having a reason?” Loki raised an eyebrow along with his response as he stepped back from her.

Hela’s reply was cut off when Sleipnir gently head butted her in greeting. Hela laughed again, “Hello to you too Brother.” 

Sleipnir nickered at her, and the two of them looked far too satisfied with themselves. Whatever this visit was about, the two of them had planned it together. 

The smile and laughter were gone when Hela looked back at Heimdall, and in its place was the poise, “Thank you Guardian.” 

“Queen Hela,” was Heimdall’s monotone reply, “Lokison, Odinson.” 

Loki nodded his acknowledgement before he helped Hela onto Sleipnir’s back. There was no rush this time, so Loki decided to walk beside them. 

“Don’t think I’m not overjoyed,” Loki said as they went, “but I am curious to why you’re here. I seem to remember a vow about never setting foot in Asgard again.” 

The first time Hela had made the vow was in the first year she had been sent to Hel, and it had been made between tears and curses. 

A shadow passed over Hela’s face, but it was gone before Loki could comment on it, “Had you not given me a sibling it is a vow that I would have kept,” Loki looked up at her in surprise and Hela just raised an eyebrow, “surely you’re not surprised that I’ve come to finally meet my little brother.”

Hela’s words surprised him, and it caused a seed of guilt to bloom, “I would have brought him to you.”

“I know, but I could not wait.”

That didn’t sound like his daughter, but Loki supposed that even Hela could be impatient at times. It made him smile. After Fenrir, knowing that Hela couldn’t wait to see Vali was a balm (good gods he prayed that she wasn’t here to hate him as Vali’s brother did).

“I have been telling stories,” Sleipnir finally spoke. 

“I must admit that Sleipnir has sung Vali’s praises,” Hela continued, “though he tells me he treated my birth in the same manner.”

“He pranced around declaring you to be his baby sister. He was so proud you’d have thought he had birthed you himself,” Loki chuckled at the memory.

Sleipnir snorted, and the pout was apparent in the sound. 

They were approaching the city gates, and the laughing manner died away. With the exception of those who entered her realm after death, this would be the first time Hela had seen or been seen by the Aesir since her exile. 

Seeing his daughter’s hesitation, Loki offered, “We need not travel through the city. We can go around.”

Hela wasn’t the only one feeling apprehensive. As far as Loki was concerned none of them deserved to lay their eyes on his little girl.

“I will not cower from them. They are all insignificant and beneath me and I will not allow them to force my actions anymore than they already have.” Hela’s words were steel, and the image she made was nothing short of terrifying to behold (contrary to that of course, Loki felt like smiling proudly). 

“Shall we show them your terribleness, my powerful Queen of Helheim?” Loki asked, smirking. While it was not a true prank, it would still cause enough chaos to let him feel the rush of it. Afterwards, when he thought back, Loki knew that he would be outraged for the way the populace was bound to look at her, but for the moment he was going to enjoy the mischief.

“Yes,” Hela’s grin was razor sharp and vicious, “I believe we shall.”

Sleipnir made a nose of agreement.

“Very well,” Loki schooled his features into his most haughty expression, “look regal children.” 

His words ended just as they passed into the city. They were noticed nearly instantly and Loki had to admit that the reaction was hilarious- a grown warrior dropping his sword and left there gapping like a fish made him want to laugh. The following reactions consisted of stumbling, walking into something and one young women fainting (he’d have to remember her too) were not quite as funny, but still amusing. The fact that they were stared at in stunned silence only to have frantic conversations break out in their wake, also amused him.

“Many of them seem to believe this heralds the beginning of the mysterious Ragnarok,” Sleipnir said for their minds only, “others are saying that we are leading an invasion of Asgard.”

Had he not been schooling his features, Loki’s eyebrows would have risen at that. If they were leading an invasion, the three of them would not be riding calmly towards the palace. Given that he had led a dramatic, over the top and (slightly) diva-like invasion before, Loki would have assumed that they knew this. 

“Although,” Sleipnir continued, “most assume you’ve talked Uncle Thor into letting Hela return from exile…by using your wicked wiles of course.”

“You’re not allowed to speak about my wiles,” Loki replied, “least I begin to speak about your own.”

Neither of them replied to that, and Loki considered that subject dropped. They continued through the town in silence, and the crowd their procession attracted grew. 

Really? Loki couldn’t help but want to roll his eyes, Don’t they have better things to do?

When they reached the empty stable, Loki’s composure was the first to break. He snickered and Hela’s giggles began not long afterwards. It wasn’t long before they were both laughing full belly laughter, and Sleipnir’s neighs joining in to show his own mirth. It had been a long time since Loki had laughed like this. He couldn’t remember the last time, but knew it would have been before his fall.

Still chuckling, Loki helped Hela back to the ground. She leaned into him when she was back on her feet, not quite embracing him but close to it.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered, her voice the echo of the little girl she hadn’t been for centuries.

“I know,” was Loki’s equally soft reply as she straightened up. 

Sleipnir was already back at his stall by the time Hela and Loki turned back to him. Wordlessly, Loki opened the door and allowed Sleipnir to enter. 

“I shall go running,” he announced, “but call for me before you leave. I will take you back to Helheim.”

It wasn’t a request but more of an order. Loki was alarmed at the idea that his son and father were spending far too much time together. Demanding tone aside, Hela made no argument.

“Of course,” was her reply as she ran a hand down her brother’s neck. Sleipnir leaned into her touch.

“Enjoy your run,” Loki told his eldest son, scratching his nose gently. Sleipnir turned to leave through the back door, and Loki couldn’t help but add, “and I’ll say it again- a Valkerie’s steed is far more trouble than she’s worth!”

Sleipnir just snorted and trotted out into the field where he took off in a gallop and was quickly out of sight.

“He’s going to get into trouble,” Loki said.

“Father,” Hela’s voice couldn’t hold any more amusement than it already did, “you have four illegitimate children and are married to your brother. What possesses you to believe Sleipnir would take romantic advice from you?”

“At least I have the sense to stay away from anything to do with a Valkerie,” Loki huffed in irritation.

Beautiful, fierce and admirable women or not, that was a path no even semi-sane man went down.

Hela didn’t reply to that, but an amused look lingered on her face. She glanced once more at the open door that Sleipnir had disappeared through. There was a almost longing, wistful look on her face. He knew what it was about- Sleipnir had more freedom than any of his siblings, the freedom to come and go as he pleased and the freedom to choose not do as he was told if he so desired to. Sleipnir controlled his own fate, while Hela had hers decided for her when she was still a small child. 

It wasn’t a shock to see, but it caught Loki off guard. He wondered how Hela felt when Sleipnir announced that he would do whatever he wanted. Loki was sure that she had to feel envy, but did she ever feel resentment or worse, the kind of hate that had festered in Fenrir? Then he couldn’t help but wonder how Sleipnir felt, knowing that he had this while his siblings suffered. Did he feel grateful? Guilty? A bit of both?

Loki shook those thoughts from his mind, refusing to think about it. His thoughts were full enough with terrible thoughts and he didn’t need to add these questions to it.

“Come then,” Loki looped his arm through Hela’s, “let’s go and fetch your brother.”

They strolled through the palace hallways arm and arm. Hela was looking around, drinking in the golden beauty of the world around her. Hela had always loved beauty and Asgard, for all of her flaws, always had that. They passed others as they went, but besides a few surprised but quick glances, they were generally ignored. The servants and guards of the palace were trained to know that it was not appropriate to gawk at members of the royal family. 

They made meaningless small talk that consisted of Loki peppering her questions about the state of her realm. Hela enjoyed ruling and had no problem explaining it in detail. It was not the most thrilling talk in Loki’s opinion, but he enjoyed hearing Hela being passionate about something. 

When they reached the gardens, Loki noticed that a number of his mother’s ladies (most obviously Sigyn) had made themselves absent between his departure and return. Vali was sitting on the soft grass, Frigga’s youngest handmaid sitting and playing with him. Vali was entranced by the light given off by the large necklace hanging around her neck. Frigga was still in her customary chair, watching Vali and the girl play with an indulgent smile on her face.

Hela hesitated for a moment, her steps momentarily faltering. A look flashed across her face for a brief moment before it was gone, replaced by a different one. It wasn’t cold like the one she had worn during her ride through the city, but a calm and collected one. It came close to the serene look that was most commonly found on Frigga’s face.

Loki squeezed her hand briefly before stepping out to meet them. When Frigga noticed them she was on her feet and lightly embracing Hela. It was a quick hug, over before it really began and when Frigga stepped back she dropped all physical contact.

“Welcome back dear,” Frigga told her smoothly, every bit the gracious host. 

Welcome back, not welcome home. Loki noticed the crucial difference in word choice and it made his heart hurt. If Hela noticed and felt the same she gave no sign of it.

“Thank you Grandmother,” Hela replied graciously, nodding her head slightly. 

“What brings you to Asgard?” Frigga asked politely, “Not any trouble I hope.”

“No,” Hela assured her, knowing that problems in Helheim would be of real concern to the Queen of Asgard, “it is a purely personal matter. I do have a little brother to meet after all,” the smile on Hela’s face, small as it was, was genuine.

Frigga gave a tiny laugh at that, “of course. I suppose it was only a matter of time.” 

Loki wished that Frigga would at least add it’s-nice-to-see-you-after-all-of-these-years, even if she didn’t actually mean it. 

The girl sitting with Vali –Astrid, Loki remembered suddenly, her name was Astrid- was listening to the conversation that was happening between Hela and Frigga. Without being prompted, the girl lifted Vali into her arms, got to her feet and walked them over to where the two queens stood. She waited patiently, waiting for Hela to take her brother.

Hela noticed the girl and bent down to take Vali from her, “Thank you.”

“Yes M’lady,” was her reply along with a shallow curtsey. 

Oh, Loki liked her. It was rare to find an Aesir who didn’t flinch from Hela, let alone one who betrayed no negative emotions towards her whatsoever. He’d have to remember to do something nice for her. For the moment however, Loki just smiled at the girl, who looked away shyly with a blush on her cheeks. 

Hela had gone completely silent. She was holding the baby perfectly, her grasp better and more natural than Thor ever managed. Loki knew Hela paid special attention to the little children who made their way to her realm, and her experience showed. Vali was staring up at her, silent and wide eyed. If it was possible for a baby to be star struck, it was happening to Vali at that moment. Hela was equally still, barely moving as she stared down at her brother.

“Oh Father,” she finally breathed out, her voice full of awe, “he’s beautiful…”

Tears stung the corners of Loki’s eyes at the picture they made. He allowed himself a brief dream of all his children together and happy, but then dismissed it to focus on the very beautiful present in front of him. 

“Well then,” Frigga finally broke the silence that happened in the wake of Hela’s proclamation, “the three of you need time to yourselves. Do you wish to stay in the gardens? It will be easy enough for us to move inside.”

“That’s alright,” Hela replied, looking up from Vali with a beautiful smile on her face, one free from coldness and calculation, “I’ve always loved the view from the balcony of Father’s chambers.” 

“Of course,” It was Frigga’s tone that made him look away from Hela and Vali and at his mother. Frigga was looking at them with the softest look on her face. Loki realized that she was seeing the scene exactly the same way he was. For the first time Frigga was seeing Hela as beautiful as Loki always saw her. 

It would change nothing, not how Hela would be treated in the future and certainly not the past, but it was a balm to a part of Loki’s soul. Even if it was only for this moment in time, someone else in his family realized just how amazing his ‘monster’ children were.

“Have a good visit dear,” Frigga told her, “and your grandfather wishes to see you before you depart.”

“Thank you Grandmother,” Hela replied, and turned to leave. Loki followed her and the three of them walked towards Loki’s rooms (which were now Loki and Thor’s rooms. Loki’s room had the better view, was closer to the library and already had a ready-to-function nursery attached. Loki had refused to move and had given Thor no choice but to move in with him when the time came). 

“Is he always so quiet?” Hela asked in fascination.

Loki couldn’t help but snort, “Hardly. He’s a child from Thor. There is no middle volume for him, just piercing screams and near total silence. Thankfully he is also much like a magpie in that he is easily distracted for long periods of time when there’s something shiny in the vicinity.”

“Are you talking about Uncle Thor or Vali?” there was a snideness in her voice that was clearly meant to be an insult. Really, he should chastise his daughter for being nasty towards her stepfather, but he really didn’t want to. Especially since that was the exact same tone he used when mocking Thor. 

“Vali of course, but I was explaining how he was Thor’s son.”

Hela snickered briefly, “But there is nothing shiny to distract him now.”

Hela’s observation didn’t even make Loki pause to find something to say in reply, “He finds you interesting enough.”

“I am different than anything he’s ever witnessed,” Hela’s voice was indifferent and monotone, and Loki knew from experience that that was her voice.

“He senses you as family,” Loki made her stop and look at him, “he reacts the same way with Sleipnir and Fenrir,” Loki stumbled over the pain Fenrir’s name caused him, but continued despite of it, “and yes, you are different than anything he’s ever seen, but that doesn’t mean it is negative. If he disliked you, if he was frightened of you, he would be screaming.”

Hela nodded stiffly, and Loki knew that she was far from truly convinced. As someone who had been told they were flawed most of their life and was unable to believe it when someone told him otherwise, Loki understood her inability to accept his assurances at face value.

“Tell me more of him,” Hela requested.

So Loki did. He told her of the pregnancy and how it was drastically different than it had been when pregnant with her. He whined that of course it would be Thor’s offspring that would have him go through twenty hours of labour. By the time Loki was telling her how Thor had fainted in the birthing room, they had reached his room.

He sent for a servant to bring them something to dine on before they settled themselves on the balcony. Vali was still in Hela’s arms, but now that they were sitting he was beginning to fidget. Then Loki picked up and began to recount exploits from Vali’s particularly interesting second week of life. The food, a platter of assorted meats, fruits and sweets with mead to accompany it, arrived not long after. Loki was running out of tales when Vali’s squirming turned into wails.

Hela looked startled by the sudden change in temperament, but very quickly handed him over to Loki, “I believe he needs to be fed.” 

Loki’s eyebrows rose as he took Vali and shifted into a female body, “And you know this how?”

“The young ones who come to my realm,” she replied, “they no longer need to eat, but they still cry for it at first. It is not the food itself that they cry for exactly, but the comfort that comes with feeding, I hear it often enough to know it. Thankfully there are women willing enough to foster them.”

Hela’s tune was very matter-of-fact, but there was a softness underlining her voice. Hela saw to all those who came to Hel, those who deserved pain and suffering and those who were good people did not have a ‘good’ warrior’s death. Most of all, she tended to the children. 

“Do you wish to have any of your own?” Whether or not is was even possible for Hela to bear children given her half dead state he wasn’t sure, but he wondered if she ever wished it. Did the Queen of the Dead ever wish to give life? Loki thought she would make a fine mother.

“I have children,” she said simply, “they may not be of my blood or body, but the children who enter my realm are mine all the same. They are mine to love and care for. In Helheim, I am the All-Mother, and I am happy with that.” 

Loki nodded at her answer, happy that she was content in that way at least. They sat there in silence, Hela looking out over Asgard and Loki nursing Vali. Eventually, the silence made Loki’s thoughts come back to him, and with them came the terrible feelings of worry and fear.

“Are you angry with me?” Loki blurted out the question without his customary foresight.

It was a thought that had plagued him since his confrontation with Fenrir. He was terrified that the others would hate him for his choices as Fenrir did. Sleipnir had shown no sign of it, but his eldest had been treated better than his siblings. Hela had not appeared so during her visit, and obviously felt nothing less than love for Vali, but she was even better at hiding her emotions than Loki was. 

Hela looked startled by his question, “Because you have not come to Hel yet? I’m very aware that taking an infant across the Bifrost is not meant to be done if it can be avoided, let alone taking it to travel to Hel. My realm is not place for a living newborn.”

“No, not that. About me being here, and Thor…”

“You’re asking me if I’m angry that you happy?” Hela sounded incredulous, “How can you even think that? I hate the Aesir for all that they’ve done to us, and I hate my uncle as being amongst the worst of them. He should have protected his family. But I have always been able to see that he loves you more than anything else. He has been a blind fool who has hurt you again and again, but he loves you. More importantly, you love him and being with him is what you want. I have not forgiven him and I do not like him, but I love you and want you to have happiness. That is all that matters.”

The relief Loki felt at her answer made tears sting his eyes. He felt like crying in joy. This was the best thing he had heard in three days. His little girl still loved him. She didn’t hate him like Fenrir did. He hadn’t lost his daughter along with one of his sons.

“Why are you asking this?” Hela’s voice was cautious.

Loki looked away from her, unwilling to look at her confused face. He didn’t want to answer her question. Instead, he turned his focus back to Vali. The baby had finished suckling and Loki dropped a piece of cloth over his shoulder in order to burp him. 

“Father?” Hela’s voice made him look over at her again, “Why are you asking this?” 

There was a look on her face, one that Loki felt could see right through him. Too many years of governing the unwanted dead by herself had left Hela with an intuition even Loki was envious of. She was too much like him in many ways, one of them being the ability to spot a lie. Loki could have lied to her, made something up to explain his misery without mentioning Fenrir at all. Loki wanted to protect his daughter from harm, and even though he had already failed spectacularly in that respect, this was emotional turmoil he could stop from hurting her. 

In the end, Loki chose not to lie to her.

“I visited Fenrir yesterday,” he said, already choking up from the memory, “he was in a more foul mood than normal, and I made the mistake of asking him about it. From there he let his true feelings be known.”

“He said what?” Hela had already guessed the answer. 

“He hated me. He hated Vali.”

Hela was looking at him in outrage and despite the pain he felt, Loki needed to defend Fenrir, “He is bitter, and angry-“

“And he has every right to be,” Hela interrupted, “but you are the one being in the nine realms to love us completely and go to the ends of the universe to protect us. Even if you failed to keep him free, you did everything in your power to do it. How could he demand any more of you? He can hate the world all he wants, but how dare he take it out on you and an innocent babe who was not born until centuries after his imprisonment!”

“Hela-“ Loki began, bit was interrupted again. This time not by Hela, but another voice. 

“Loki!”

Thor’s booming voice made them both jump. They were surprised at having their impending argument disturbed. Thor’s loud footsteps came closer and a minute later he was out on the balcony. His smile was wide when he spoke again.

“Loki! I-“ his eyes widened when he noticed Hela sitting there as well, “Hela?”

Apparently Thor had not gotten world of Hela’s arrival.

“Uncle,” her voice held no emotion, not even the outrage she had been emoting so forcefully a moment ago.

“What are you doing here?” Thor blurted out the question, making Loki flinch.

Hela’s eyes were cold when she replied, “There was nothing in my exile that said I could not leave Hel or return to Asgard to visit my family. I have not done do before now for reasons of my own, but as Queen of a realm, Prince, I may do as I please.”

Loki barely held back a smirk. She had his mastery of words, his daughter did. Without insulting Thor directly she had still made clear the reminder that she was in fact of a higher rank than him. Until Thor was crowned King of Asgard, Hela’s station was above his.

“Now if you’ll excuse me Father,” she paid no more attention to her uncle, “Fenrir and I must have words.”

“Hela-“ Loki tried again.

“No Father,” she said, voice firm, “I have an opinion on the matter and Fenrir will hear of it,” she softened, “afterwards I will need to seek out Grandfather. Us meeting to discuss the state of Hel and its relations to Asgard is a necessary evil for my visit. After that I will depart. Will you escort me again?”

“Of course,” Loki replied as his daughter swept out of the room.

Thor looked after her with a stunned look on his face, “I did not meant to offend her,” Loki almost replied that Thor never meant to offend but usually did so anyway, but he let Thor continue talking instead, “I believe I’ve missed something.”

“Yes Thor,” Loki had to laugh at Thor’s gob smacked expression, “you did.” 

“Aren’t you going to tell me? Thor whined when Loki made no move to do that.

“There’s nothing to tell really,” was the breezy reply, which caused Thor to pout.

Not matter what the circumstances, teasing Thor would never lose its appeal.

When he pulled Vali from his shoulder, wiping the spit up from his tiny mouth, his nose caught a whiff of the smell coming off of him and Loki sighed, “Someone needs o be changed,” he said it more to the air than anything in particular, but Thor still heard him.

“I’ll do it.” 

Loki looked up at Thor and raised an eyebrow in response. Thor looked sheepish at that.

“I’ve barely seen him in two days and been able to hold him even less. You’ve been guarding our son like a dragon guards their hoard Loki. I thought by volunteering for a task you hate I’d get a chance with him.” 

By the end Thor was whining, but it did not lessen his point. Loki felt guilty, a deep stab of it once again. It was not fair to keep Vali from his father, even if it was to protect him.

“I’m sorry,” Loki didn’t offer an explanation, only the apology.

Thor didn’t ask for more, just looked at him with puppy eyes and waited for an answer. That Thor was volunteering for changing duty showed Loki just how much Thor was desperate to spend time with his son. How could he say no to that? For the first time in days he was going to do something not to avoid suspicion (which this would do as well), but because to do otherwise would hurt Thor. 

“Yes,” Loki replied, holding the baby out for Thor to take.

Thor was just about to take him when Vali giggled. It was his loud, happy giggle, the one that terrified Loki to his core. Instinct made him pull Vali back into his, and he hugged him to chest. Thor was staring at him, so he would see him cast the illusion spell if he tried. All he could do was try and hide him from Thor’s sight, and he did so by angling his body away.

“Loki!” Thor sounded alarmed, but Loki ignored him.

Wide eyed, Loki inspected the baby. Same hair, same skin, same eyes…everything was the same. Vali was no different, in no other shape than his own. He hadn’t shapeshifted. 

“Loki!” Thor was concerned now, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning over to see Vali. Loki did not try and hide him, not after seeing there was nothing to hide.

“I thought I was about to drop him,” even seeing that nothing was wrong, Loki had to fight to keep the lingering panic from his voice, “here,” he offered Vali up to Thor again.

Thor took him gingerly, still looking like he wanted a better explanation. He left the balcony despite it, perhaps fearing that Loki would demand that he hand Vali back. Loki knew he’d come back with questions once his task was complete. 

That giggle was the one Vali used when he shapeshifted, Loki was sure of it. Perhaps Vali didn’t only use it when he was shapeshifting, but whenever he was truly happy? He could have been reacting to his father’s presence…

Loki’s thoughts were cut off when a strangled cry came from inside. He was on his feet and rushing to the nursery immediately, heart pounding in his ears. When he reached it, Thor was standing there shock still, a dirty rag still in his hand. He said nothing when Loki rushed to the changing table. It only took Loki a second to realize what was wrong. Instead of a son lying half clean and wriggling on the table, it was a daughter.


	6. Chapter Six

The first thought to enter Loki’s mind was that it shouldn’t be possible. In order to take on a new shape, you had to have knowledge of that shape. In order to be something else, you needed to at least understand the differences between it and your own. Loki had been an adolescent before he had managed to become a woman, and it was because he knew that ‘woman’ was something different than his own body, even if he hadn’t known the exact details at that age. At two months Vali was too young to truly comprehend that there was a difference between male and female. That he could do this without having that fundamental knowledge blew Loki’s mind.

Second to come to Loki was that Vali was only half clean and beginning to scream at being left unattended to. Thor, who was still standing there with a look of shocked horror on his face, would be of no help in that. 

“Wha-how-what?” Thor’s voice was horrified, and he couldn’t take his eyes away from the part of Vali’s body that was so dramatically different. 

The horror was all that Loki had been dreading. Thor was horrified, looking at their child as though he was an abomination. Loki’s heart had been wrong- Thor hadn’t changed, would act as he had in the past. Thor wouldn’t protect him. 

Thor continued to stare and Loki couldn’t take it. He couldn’t stand to see Thor look at their child like that. He couldn’t let Vali suffer under that hateful gaze. He used magic to finish cleaning and re-clothing Vali in the time that it took for Loki to scoop the baby into his arms. He pulled him into his chest, unwilling to let Thor see their child, to look at him like he was a monster. 

“A shapeshifter,” Loki’s voice was hollow and dead, “he’s a shapeshifter.” 

There was no way out of this, not after seeing Thor’s reaction. If Thor turned on them, if he told the All-Father of Vali’s powers, there was no way that Loki could protect him short of burning the world to the ground. He didn’t want that, knowing that it would hurt him and those he loved.

“A shapeshifter?” Thor sounded bewildered, “he’s a shapeshifter…and you knew this?”

“Yes,” Loki’s reply was a small broken sound.

He could run, could bury himself in one of the other realms and take Vali with him. They could become new people, could leave this life behind…

“Why did you not tell me?” Thor sounded hurt, and Loki snapped.

“Why? Why!” Loki was hysterical now, “So that you could run to Father and tell him that I have borne another monstrous son! To have another child ripped from my arms!” 

Thor looked like he had been slapped, “Surely you do not think me capable of that? You think that I would turn against my own son? That I would let harm come to him? Vali is no monster!” 

Apparently Thor did not realize how he had been looking at Vali, because how could Loki think anything else?

“Neither were the others!” Loki screamed, somewhere between sobbing and laughing hysterically.

Thor took a step away from them, alarmed at Loki’s growing hysterics. Loki wanted to laugh at the reaction, but he was too busy watching as his world crashed around him.

“No!” He yelled, and he stumbled backwards to avoid the hand Thor reached out towards him, “No!”

“Loki-“ Thor had his I’m-Going-To-Reason-With-You patronizing voice on, and it made Loki want to kill him. 

“They were not monsters! They never hurt anyone! They didn’t deserve any of it! They’re not monsters, never monsters! They are my babies!”

Thor didn’t know how to respond and Loki filled the silence with his screams, with centuries full of agony, suffering and fear.

“They treat Sleipnir like a dumb animal. My son Thor, they think my son nothing but a beast of burden, one without intelligence. When they bothered to speak to him at all, it is the way they speak to animals who cannot understand them. The only ones in Asgard to treat him like the intelligent being he is are Father and myself! They consider my eldest son a slave, a slave ridden by his grandfather!

“Jorgamund was thrown into the seas of a realm where he would have to hide or be hunted! In the beginning he was nearly killed every other week! Killed Thor! It didn’t take long for him to realize that he was only safe if he avoided the surface altogether. The only time he surfaced was when I brought his brothers and sister to visit, and after that he had to leave the area just in case he was seen by those bloodthirsty humans. My son hasn’t seen the sun in four centuries! All he’s known is the dark abyss of Midgard’s oceans!

“Fenrir would kill us all if he had the chance, even me. He wants the world to burn because all he has been able to do is sit there in his chains and think about that hate! He used to adore us, he believed you to be his hero and role model. He wanted to be just like you Thor! He believed Odin the greatest being in the universe, second only to me, but that was only because I was his mother. His best friend, the one he trusted with his secrets and dreams, was part of his fate. The people who admired the most were the ones who locked him away to rot until the end of the world! 

“Have you ever seen Helheim Thor, seen the desolation and emptiness? Heard the screams of those who went there to suffer or the wails of those who curse the fact that death didn’t lead them to Valhalla? That was what my daughter was sent to before she had even become a woman. A little girl was given a crown she was not ready for and was expected to deal with the realm that all dread going to? Do you know how many curse her when they first arrive, the words they spit at her because Valhalla wasn’t taking them? Do you know how many nights she cried herself to sleep in those first years? Today was the first time she has left Hel since she was sent away, and do you know what she received? Horror and scorn from most and detachment from her grandmother! And her mother, the woman who is her other parent? The woman ran scared the moment she knew Hela was in Asgard, and will no doubt be hiding until she is gone. Hela knew that Sigyn was supposed to be there, was supposed to be in attendance to the Queen, and despite herself Hela looked for her! She was once again reminded that her other parent can’t even look at her! 

“All because they’re different! All because they were not born in the shape of a perfect Aesir! They are hated, not feared, because of their differences, not because of the ways they could be dangerous! They are born from the body of a monster so they must be monsters as well!” 

“But Vali,” Thor protested, “he is not-“

“He is the worst of them Thor, for he can pass as normal…he can pass as perfect! He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a monster able to hide himself! He’s able to make those around him love him despite of it!”

Thor was distressed, almost like he wanted to weep, “Do you feel…do you see…”

God, how could Thor have listened to him scream for the last five minutes and not heard a word of it? How could he not have heard Loki’s words and not understood?

“Oh you blind idiot!” Loki snarled, and wished that he could just kill Thor and be done with it, “Have I ever not loved my children? Have I ever looked at them and shuddered in disgust? Sleipnir was the result of my rape and I have never flinched away from him! I love my children no matter their shape! Vali could have come out as an octopus and I would have loved him no less!” 

“Then why are you saying this!” Thor finally yelled back. 

“Because those are the words that will be said if anyone were to find out! Vali is wrong Thor, and they will all see him as wrong! They do not care!”

“But this is different!” And oh, Thor was screaming now too, “Vali is not some beast! He can merely change his shape! He is not like them!”

Vali was screaming, and the two of them had to be louder than the baby, and they did it easily.  
“You fool! You gods damned fool! It is no different! Vali is not the perfect Aesir! He has magic Thor! Magic! They barely tolerate it from me, and I am no more than the useless second son, the spare! Vali is your heir, a future king of Asgard! Do you think they’ll let such a womanly creature on the throne? He will no longer be Thorson, but yet another Lokison, and we all know how those are treated! They will cast him away to make sure he will never take the throne! They will name him monster and throw him away to some far corner of the universe to reviled from a great distance!”

“They could not do it! I would not allow it!”

“You’ve never stopped it in the past! Father would order it and you would let it happen! You, who should have protected my children in the past, let each of them be punished for no crime other than being mine, of being another shape! You ask me why I would not tell you what Vali is? You, who has mocked my shapeshifting time and time again? Who for the longest time thought my ability to give birth was embarrassing? What do you think your shapeshifter of a son will do, how he will be? He is not your perfect son Thor, and he will never be! Could you stand to have a son like me? A son who might decide to use magic or decide he would much rather spend his time as a woman? A son who may decide he wishes to bear children rather than sire them? Vali may be all that you have mocked me for over the centuries, and can you stand there thought Thor?

“I would have thought so, but I see I am wrong. I believed that you would love Vali no matter how you would see him as flawed. I believed you better than you were when you let them abuse, take and harm my children. My belief in you was misplaced, wasn’t it?”

He was no longer screaming, no longer raging at the husband who was failing him. The hopelessness of it all, of knowing that his efforts to protect Vali were for nothing, was leaving him with the ache of despair weigh him down. His child would be labelled a monster like his siblings, and he would be cast out. Sweet Vali, who had committed no crimes, who was too young to have even done anything wrong, would be persecuted and punished. If Thor spoke of this, then the best Loki could hope for was being allowed to be exiled with his son. Loki doubted that he would be granted that mercy. 

Loki didn’t even try to stop his tears.

“No Loki,” Thor’s anger was gone, replaced by a look of pain, “I would never feel like that…how can you even think that of me?”

“Do you even know how you looked at him when I came in here? When you first saw that Vali had shapeshifted? I remember the look well- it was the one you bestowed upon me when you first saw me as a pregnant mare.”

“I…I was surprised,” Thor tried to reply, but Loki would not let him try and excuse himself. 

“That was not a look of surprise Thor,” Loki whispered, “it was a look of horror. You looked at your son, saw he was different and was horrified by it.”

Thor had no reply to that, but instead sat down heavily on the bed. He didn’t look at Loki, unable to bear the hopelessness, the tears or the accusations. 

“Please do not tell anyone,” Loki spoke as he turned his back, making sure he was heard even over Vali’s high pitch screaming, “we’ll do what you wish. I won’t protest being set aside and Vali disinherited, will move from the city without fuss. I’ll go to the very end of Asgard and there you will never set eyes on us again. But if you tell…if you tell he’ll be exiled, probably me as well. We will not be able to return Thor, and I’ll never see my two sons again. Please don’t take Sleipnir and Fenrir away from me, not anymore than they already have been. If they know they’ll demand it and Father will allow it…he always does. In the name of whatever love you’ve ever had for me, I beg you for this. I’ll beg you on my knees for you to keep this secret. No matter what you demand, I’ll agree as long as you don’t tell.”

Loki left before Thor could answer, because he couldn’t bear to hear it if Thor told him no.

ll.l l.l l.l . 

Thor sat on the bed for a long time after Loki left the room. The silence was oppressing, leaving him with nothing to listen to but his thoughts. He would take Vali’s crying over this, for at least it would distract him.

Vali was a shapeshifter.

Thor was shocked and he could not deny it. Despite Loki’s vast abilities in the area, the thought that Vali could share those talents had never crossed his mind. None of Loki’s other children had shown the ability, had never shown any magic, so why would Vali? How long had it been going on? How long had Loki been keeping this secret?

His moods, his haggardness, it all made sense now. Loki had been protecting his child, had been trying to keep a secret that he considered life or death. Surely he had been trying to find a way to hide it, and that explained his research into shapeshifting that Thor had caught him doing. It hit him like a punch to his stomach, the realization that Loki had been looking to find a way to stop Vali from doing it altogether. Loki had explained once what it was like to be unable to shapeshift and the pain it caused. That Loki was willing to have Vali go through it, to cripple their child in a way because he was so sure that Vali was in danger…

That brought Thor to the most painful part of all. Loki’s accusations, his absolute certainty that Thor now saw their son –his newborn child- as a monster and would wish him gone, was the most painful thing Thor had ever felt. At first Thor had reacted with anger, screaming back at Loki. Now he felt sick, because it didn’t matter if they were true or not, only that Loki truly believed them. Loki thought him a heartless monster. It was not a new thought, because if it had been based on his reaction once he had found out the truth, Loki wouldn’t have been so desperate to hide it in the first place.

The first thought that had crossed Thor’s mind when he saw Vali’s transformation was that someone had done something to the baby. It was probably a foolish mistake given that Thor was so intimately aquatinted with Loki’s shapeshifting, but it was the conclusion that Thor had come to. The horror Thor felt (and had apparently shown expressly) was due to that, not the fact that Loki announced that Vali was a shapeshifter. 

Thor had come a long way from when he had mocked his brother for it. Loki’s ability to become a woman (or whatever shape he wished) did not make him womanly, did not make him any les worthy. It was that ability that allowed them to have a child together. Loki’s magic made him strong, not weak. He was, in many ways, stronger than Thor. 

But he could not deny, for that very first moment, he had felt despair. He imagined a son just like Loki, who would look at the warrior ways in disdain in favour of books. A son who would rely on magic and not desire to learn to use weapons. In that moment Thor imagined a son who didn’t want what Thor could give, who didn’t need him. 

After that moment he had dismissed that despair, because it did not matter. If Vali was like Loki there was nothing wrong with that. If he had no desire to learn what Thor could offer then Thor would find other ways to be close to his son. If Vali chose to be a woman (or anything else for that matter), if he chose to be the mother to children as Loki had, it would not matter. Hel, if Vali chose to embrace the part of himself that came from Loki’s Jotun heritage and decided to walk around blue skin and wearing a loin cloth, it would not matter. 

There was nothing that Vali could do, there was nothing that Vali could be that would make Thor love him any less. 

How could Loki not see that? Thor could understand believing that others would react the way Loki described, but how had Loki come to those same conclusions about him? Thor could understand it to a point. It was true he had done nothing when Loki’s children were taken. But this was different, couldn’t Loki see that? Thor did not think them monsters nor would he wish true harm on them, but he knew they could be dangerous. He knew their fates were unfair, but knew them to be for the best. He wished that they could have been spared the pain of it happening and wished there had been another way, but there was no way he could have stopped it. 

Thor meant to offence to his nephews and niece, but Vali was an Aesir who could change shape, not one trapped in an inappropriate one. He was not too much of a fool to believe that everyone would accept Vali now. He knew how others felt about Loki’s magic and knew that they would treat Vali the same way. Vali would have to deal with some of the same scorn as Loki grew up with. It was terrible and Thor would punish any he caught doing it, but he knew he could not stop it. Not accepting it was far from demanding that Vali be exiled. It was different, and surely they could see it even if they didn’t like it. They would not dare to demand Vali be treated like his siblings. It was different. How could Loki think that Thor wouldn’t see the difference? How could Loki not see how different it was? 

Thor wished that there was someone he could talk to, who knew Loki well enough to tell Thor was his husband thought him so terrible. There was no one like that, because Loki did not allow anyone close. No one would know why Loki would feel this way because Loki would not allow them to see the reactions that led to it…

The realization that there was such a person hit Thor out of nowhere. There was someone who had been there through most of Loki’s life, who he would have let see these parts of him. There was a person who had seen Loki in ways that most others hadn’t, someone who Loki never hid himself from. 

It was Sleipnir. Loki had had Sleipnir when he was so young, and despite his conception, Loki’s bond with him was different than with any other. Sleipnir had been there, truly been there, when Loki went through so much, had been the only other one who had stood by Loki through all else. Sleipnir had been the only one who hadn’t been distressed by Loki’s other children. Sleipnir was the only one of them who was not exiled, who was still here. He had to talk to his nephew. Sleipnir could help him understand. He could tell Thor why Loki felt this way and if he knew that, then Sleipnir could tell him how to fix it. 

Without a moment’s hesitation Thor jumped to his feet. He took the shortest route to the stables after he stopped at the kitchen to grab a few apples (Loki had taught him that it’s always a good idea to bring a gift to the person who you want answers from). When he reached the stables, the grooms were beginning to brush down the horses for the day. He nodded at them as he passed and was glad to see that none of them were with Sleipnir. The horse was in his stall, eating the fresh hay that he been piled in there. Sleipnir looked up when Thor stopped in front of him and his head tilted to the side in curiosity. 

“Hello Sleipnir.”

“Uncle,” the horse’s voice come to his mind, “Stepfather.”

Despite knowing his purpose for being there, Thor found himself at a loss for words. He knew what he wanted to ask, but had no idea how to actually ask it. It was not a matter of questioning Sleipnir’s intelligence (he knew his nephew to be as smart as Loki), but how Thor would ask such a question without sounding like a fool. Thor was well aware that he should not have to ask his nephew how to understand Loki. He had married Loki and given him a child. Thor should know this.

“Well?” Sleipnir asked.

Sleipnir was waiting, and Thor knew he had to give him an answer. To buy himself a few more moments, he wordlessly held out the apple he had taken from the kitchens. Sleipnir took it from him with a pleased sound, but Thor knew he still needed to answer. 

“It is about Loki,” he finally said.

Sleipnir automatically tensed, eyes widening, “What’s wrong?” 

“He’s fine!” Thor rushed to assure him, guilty that he had made him worry in the first place, “nothing has happened to him!” that was a lie, because Loki was certainly not alright at the moment, but Sleipnir did not need to know that, “I…I just…” he took a breath, “you are his eldest.” 

“I am,” Sleipnir said in confusion. 

Thor hesitated, unsure of how to continue, “You…you know him like no other does, even me.”

“Yes,” Sleipnir replied, absolute certainty in his voice. 

“I am in need of that expertise,” Thor admitted, and it hurt, “something has happened and I need you to help me understand it.”

Thor knew that he’d have to tell Sleipnir about Vali in order to get the answers he wanted. Thor knew that Loki had begged him not to say a word, but he knew that this was different. Thor didn’t know why Loki wouldn’t have told Sleipnir about Vali (at least he didn’t think he had told him), but he knew it wasn’t from lack of trust. If he were to be told now, Sleipnir would never breath a word of it. He would never betray his family, never betray the baby brother he loved. That didn’t mean that those who were also in the stable wouldn’t overhear and spread the secret to the entirety of Asgard. 

“It is a conversation better suited to privacy,” Thor replied.

“Oh?” Sleipnir sounded intrigued, “the fields are clear at this time of day. We shall take a walk. We cannot take long, I am taking Hela back to Hel when she finishes her visit.”

“I will not keep you,” Thor promised as he climbed into the stall and then followed his nephew outside.

It wasn’t until Thor knew that they were out of hearing range of the stables did he speak again. He did so with bluntness, “Vali is a shapeshifter.”

Sleipnir visibly startled, stumbling half a step like Thor had never seen him do before. The stallion halted abruptly after that, whipping his head around as far as he could to stare at his uncle.

“What?” Thor had never heard Sleipnir sound shocked before, but he did.

“Vali is a shapeshifter,” he repeated, “I found this out not even an hour ago. Loki…Loki had kept it from everyone, had not told a soul about Vali’s abilities. I only found out by accident.”

Thor fell silent, letting Sleipnir process the information he had just been told. He did not rush him, not while he was still in a state of shock from finding out. It took a number of minutes before Sleipnir spoke again.

“Oh Father,” had they been spoken out loud, the words would have been nothing more than a soft whisper. Even only in the mind they were mournful. The tone, so pitying and desolate, almost broke Thor’s heart. 

“I found out by accident,” Thor repeated now that some of Sleipnir’s shock had worn off, “had I not seen Vali in another shape , I never would have known. Loki would never have told me. I…I need to know why.”

“He’s not spoken a word of this to me, to any of us, and you’re surprised that he has said nothing to you?”

Thor barely contained his wince at the words, “But he is my son.”

“Jorgamund, Fenrir and Hela each had sires as well, each had another parent to call them son or daughter. Those fathers did not care to have them as son or daughter once it was proved that they were strange. True fathers have failed this family from the beginning, while siblings have proudly claimed and stood tall beside them. The past has proven that I have cared for my brothers more than any father has cared for them as son, so why can you be surprised that I would always be told the truth before you?” 

Thor couldn’t blame Loki for not automatically considering his feelings, not when he knew how his lovers had treated their mutual children. Thor had never agreed with what those sires had done- Strange beasts or not, they should have taken responsibility, acknowledged the creatures as their own and offered support to Loki in rearing them, if only a fund to provide for them even if they never wished to lay eyes on the baby. Had the children been normal, Odin would have forced the issue (even over Loki’s seething protests that he did not need them). 

Loki had been ill used in the past, so it made sense that his initial reaction would be to expect that same as he had experienced in the past. Yet after that first panicked moment, how could Loki not have realized that Thor was not those fathers from the past?

“But I’m not them,” Thor protested, “Loki and I are wed, not some fleeting romance that accidentally caused a child. It does not excuse their behaviour, but it makes obvious the differences between them and I.”

“Did you know that most of those who enter these stables forget who I am, forget that I have an intelligence that does not belong in my horse’s body?” the change of topic and conversational tone of Sleipnir’s voice left Thor reeling, but Sleipnir continued before he could protest the change, “It means that they say things in front of me that they would not dare say in front of the rest of the royal family. Much of the gossip is about Father. Not all of it is malicious, much of it is simply harmless chatter, and it is sometimes both. During Father’s pregnancy with Vali, I heard many bets about the shape he would take. You caught wind of these, yes?” Thor nodded, “Those were not the only bets. Others were about the fate another monster child would get and how long it would take for you to bestow it. Some went further and laid coins on whether or not you would send Father away afterwards.”

Thor was horrified. He had known about the wagers on shapes, but had heard nothing about these others. How could the people of Asgard bet on such a thing?

“The wagers themselves are not the point,” Sleipnir continued, “they are proof of Asgard’s failings, not your own. What is important to you is that in all the months of pregnancy and all those who spoke of it in my presence, not one put money on the idea that you would do nothing to the child. None wagered that you would accept and love the child if he came out different. They did not make these wagers hatefully, they did not gamble because they wanted Father to suffer, but because they saw the outcome as simple fact. If those who visited the stables are any indication, the entire realm believes you capable of rejecting your child if he was like the rest of us.”

Thor literally staggered back, the truth of it feeling like a physical blow. Asgard believed the same things of him that Loki did. They believed he would see some sort of harm done to his child. 

“No,” Thor denied it, shaking his head vehemently, “no! I will do no such thing! Vali is my son and nothing will ever make me see him as less than that! How can no one but myself see that? I love him…I love him more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. I will never let harm come to him, especially not by my own hand!” 

Much of it came out sounding of despair. How could he not despair? Everyone thought him so cold, so cruel. He could take the people of Asgard believing such a thing, but Loki did as well. Loki, who Thor had always thought knew him better than any other, thought the same of him as the others did.

“People use the past to make predictions on the future. We are all creatures of habit, and it is especially harder to change when you are as long lived as us. There was another bet I mentioned, one that dealt with Father’s fate. Nearly every bet I heard sided that you would never send Father away. The only ones who wagered otherwise were the ones who have grudges and wish to see him suffer. Do you know why those who see you so callously can then turn around and still see you as compassionate and loyal? It is all you have proven yourself to be time and time again. You have always stood by Father’s side, always loved him, even in the darkest moments of his madness. Even the most obtuse know that there is nothing that would cause you to forsake him.

“But you have also always stood by as his children were taken and forced to suffer. You called them monsters, never once even acknowledging the pain Father was feeling. You never even showed remorse for causing Father pain, let alone not doing a thing to protect my brothers and sister.”

“But he’s my son…” Thor whispered miserably, clinging to the reason why this was different.

“He is,” Sleipnir acknowledged, “and perhaps that makes all the difference. You may owe more to your child than the children of your brother and husband. But you’ve made your opinion of Loki’s monsters clear enough in the past. You too Uncle have committed the sin of forgetting that I am more than a dumb beast and speaking in front of me things best said away from a child of Loki. I’ve heard your shame that Father bears children, your scorn concerning those children and then your apathy when it came to their fates. You did not participate, but by never doing a thing to stop it you are equally guilty of the pain we’ve felt. You did not even put up a token protest, one meant to help Father’s pain be more bearable if not to help my them. You never showed yourself to care that Father was suffering, let lone the pain we were suffering.

“Because Vali is your son, you assume that is makes everything different. But your problem – all of your problems- is that none of us were seen as sons. We were all monsters first, children second. No one stopped to understand that we were sons and daughters, that there was at least one who loved us as such. No one, especially not you, sees us beyond what our bodies show us to be. You see me as a beast before you see me as nephew, and you see the others as pure monsters before familial ties. You look at Father’s children, see us as different, and agree that we are creatures worthy of the abuse we’ve suffered. 

“Until you stop thinking of us as creatures, as beasts or as monsters, Father will never trust you with a child that is not perfect. Until you can look at us all and see us, truly see us, as family, as beings who should be loved and protected not just because we are Loki’s but because we deserve it, Father will never truly trust you with Vali now that Vali is a shapeshifter. The day that you look back on what happened to Jorgamund, Fenrir and Hela and truly understand how wrong it was and the reasons it was wrong, then Father’s justifications for hiding Vali’s gifts from you are unjustified. The day you look back at what happened –what you let happen- and feel guilt, is the day that Father will begin to actually forgive you. I see neither of those days approaching anytime soon. 

“So tell me Uncle,” Sleipnir looked Thor straight in the eye, “why are you shocked that Father would keep this from you? And by the way you’ve come to me with questions, I’d make a wager of my own that he did more than that.”

“He screamed,” Thor replied softly, “he cried, he accused me of all that you have said and then he begged. He begged me to keep Vali’s secret. He promised that he would leave if I told no one about the shapeshifting. He did not think I would want anything to do with them.”

“Father, for all his plans and collectedness, is a creature driven by emotion. Fear for another child will always trump other feelings, even logic. Even if he truly believed you incapable of these things, the minute you discovered the truth that belief would have fled in the face of fear. That you have given him proof enough for his fear only justifies his reactions more.”

“Then do you believe he truly does not think me capable of his claims?” Thor was desperate to hear that Loki didn’t actually believe any of what he had said, that he was only acting in fear, “Do you think me capable of it?” he was equally desperate to hear at least one person believed that he wasn’t a cruel bastard. Perhaps, given the amount of pain Thor has not cared that Sleipnir went through, he was asking the worst possible person to believe in him, but he was desperate. 

Sleipnir stared at him for a long time, no answer forthcoming. The longer Thor waited, the more he prepared himself for the scathing reply he was sure to receive…the scathing reply he deserved.

“Yes,” the stallion finally replied, tone calm, “I think, deep down, Father does believe you would do nothing to Vali. If Father did not trust you on some level he never would have married you and had your child. If Father did not believe you would love the child he never would have let you near Vali, much as he did for the others’ sires. You’ve hurt us and betrayed him too much to have full trust in you or take your potential reactions on good faith. If Father had acted in any other way, had trusted you blindly and not tried to hide Vali’s oddities, I would have called him a fool. You’ve given him no reason to confide in you, and the fact you needed to come to me to even understand why shows how deserving you are of it.

“As for myself…” Sleipnir trailed off, gathering his thoughts before he continued, “had I been one of those making bets, I would have wagered on a different outcome. You would never have denied Vali, even if he had born like the rest of us, for you have never denied any of us and we have a lesser claim to you. You would not have sent him away as a child nor outright punished him, and perhaps you would have loved him. Yet I never would have bet you wouldn't have treated him like a true son, more like a pet perhaps. You would treat him like many Lords treat their bastards- aloof acknowledgement with occasional moments of true warmth. It would not have been done from disgust or anger, but with disappointment that your child was not fit to be your son and heir. Vali and Father would have felt every slight like a festering wound and you would not have noticed, not because you are cruel but because you meant no harm and surely that meant that no one would feel harm. When Vali was grown and able Grandfather would find a place for him away from Asgard. You would make sure that it was suitable for your son, that he was not being sent to certain death, that he would be welcomed and have companionship. Yet you would not protest, let alone stop it. If this situation had been factored in? I would have wagered on a variation of the same, but with more helpless rage and frustration that you had months to come to love a perfect child before it was ripped from you.”

The answer concerning Loki let one of the vices gripping Thor’s heart loosen a little. That Sleipnir thought Loki still believed in him, even if it was buried deep down, was a balm to his soul. Sleipnir had made it clear that he honestly didn’t deserve that belief, but its presence was a relief. As for the other part, it surprised him. Thor expected more anger, more venom from the older brother who watched as Thor stood by and did not help his beloved siblings. That Sleipnir would even think a little better of him than the realm who adored him and the husband who loved him, astounded Thor. 

“How can you even think that of me?” Thor asked, still desperate to know, “You of all people should think the worst of me. The ideas from others horrify me, but from you I’d both expect and allow it without a word. Your kin have the right to think the worst of me, yet you think better of me than those who love me.”

“Because unlike most of my family I am not led by my emotions. I act on logic and that is what I use to make my decisions. I have also never directly suffered because of your inaction. I am the only one who hasn’t Uncle and that is why I can greet you without pure hatred where none of the others can. It is why I still allow Grandfather to ride me even though he has hurt my brothers, sister and father. Every family has an outsider, and I am that for mine,” Thor began to protest that, because he knew that Loki loved Sleipnir no less than the others, but Sleipnir cut him off before he could start, “I am, but it has not done me long term harm. It is a simple fact- I am the result of rape, am the child that you have treated best because you felt guilty about my conception, the only one that is universally treated well and with respect and while I have felt pain, I have not truly shared it the way the rest have. For these reasons I am a bit of an outsider, and that allows me to see you from a slight outsider perspective. My siblings would have condemned your potential reactions to Vali through their lens of hate, while I considered based on you. I don’t like you, but I do see you as you truly are.”

Thor was almost speechless, and he certainly didn’t know how to answer that. Instead he said, “You are clever, astute and a fine analyst. I understand why Father wishes you to be with him whenever battle is a possibility.”

“Thank you,” Sleipnir took the compliment without flourish, “you have not asked me what I think now.”

Thor was well aware he had not, and had honestly hoped to avoid it, “I fear hearing that even after this your opinion has not changed,” he hated admitting it, but Sleipnir deserved to hear it.

“I think you will continued to love Vali as you have from the beginning, and at the very least you completely believe that you will stand up and protect him. I think you will at least try, but I would be an idiot to expect it from you. I may believe these things, but I do not assume it will happen that way. You have given me no proof of this and I will not take your word on faith. If you fail and fall into old patterns I will not be surprised, only angry and disappointed.”

“That is more than I deserve,” Thor once again did not want to admit it, but he did do anyway, even if it was quietly.

“The fact that you can admit that and honestly mean it is something that I never would have expected to hear.” 

“It seems I should have had a conversation with you long ago.”

“Yes, you should have,” it was said so matter of factly that there was no way to argue it wasn’t the truth. 

Had Thor come to Sleipnir before this, had such a frank conversation with him, it would have saved many people much pain. It would not have been about Vali, but Sleipnir would not have spared him pain or true honesty on any topic. Thor would have been hit over the head with painful truths and they all would have been the better for it. 

Thor had come here to talk about Loki, but Sleipnir had made him realize that it wasn’t about Loki. Loki’s reaction was what had driven him here, but it was all about him. It wasn’t about why Loki reacted the way he did, but what Thor had done to make him react that way.

“Thank you Sleipnir,” Thor said sincerely, “this…this has helped. I understand many things now, and understand that I must begin to make things right. I will leave you to prepare to carry Hela. Have a safe journey.”

Thor turned to leave, but Sleipnir’s grave voice made him pause, “I warn you now. Things will not end will if those outside my family find out about Vali. One of your faults is that you always believe the best of all, but understand you cannot when the fate of an abnormal royal child is in the balance. It is not necessary now that it will begin, but as Vali grows they will begin to question why he has not been made an outcast. Hela was still a small girl when people began to protest that she be sent away. It did not take long for them to have their way. Being your son will keep the calls to action quieter but will not stop them, and eventually they will reach Grandfather’s ear. At their core, the Aesir fears shapeshifters. This society is rigid, everything separated into categories and only great exceptions are made and accepted. In Asgard you are one thing or another. They feared Fenrir for what he can do, but they accepted him in way because he was a wolf. Vali is not one thing, but can be anything. Asgard distrusts that on a fundamental level even more than a giant wolf.

“The only way you can save Vali from a fate like his siblings is to stand by him without hesitation. You need to force them to see you will never allow anything to happen to him. They have made up their minds about how you would act and if you don’t they will try to force you to. It will be both overt and subtle, and will be from all corners. If you waver, have doubts, they will be relentless. Make sure they never find out, but if they do, prove them wrong Uncle.”


	7. Chapter Seven

Loki stayed away for as long as he could. He kept Vali, who had taken nearly half an hour to stop wailing after his parents screaming at each other, close to him, unwilling to let him out of his arms. He was still shaking, still feeling the fear that gnawed at him. The panic was there as well, and he almost couldn’t hide it. But Loki did, because he had to. Thor knew the truth, Loki knew that Thor would never protect them now, so it was now so much more important that no one else could find out. His carelessness had already cost Vali and he couldn’t let it cost him more. He put on his mask, forced himself to play haughty prince to the servants and guards, polite son and loving father when he found Odin and Hela at the conclusion of their meeting. He walked Hela to the stables to collect Sleipnir and then the two of them to the Bifrost (he would have done it anyway, but was honest to himself in admitting that he was doing it now to avoid returning to where he would find Thor).

Just before leaving, Sleipnir did something that surprised Loki. He leaned his head on Loki’s shoulder and stepped as close to Loki as possible. It was as close to a hug that Sleipnir could do in his equine body, and though it surprised him, Loki wrapped an arm around Sleipnir’s neck in return. 

“All will be well Father,” he whispered in a voice meant only for Loki’s ears.

Loki pulled back, stunned. Did Sleipnir know? What did Sleipnir know? How was that possible? Was this about something else? It had to be…

Loki wanted to ask what Sleipnir meant, to ask if he knew about Vali, but this wasn’t the place, not with Hela and Heimdall standing there. Instead he had to hold onto his confusion and would have to wait until Sleipnir returned. He did not know what would happen to him and his youngest by then.

Hela looked a little confused about Sleipnir’s actions as well, but she said nothing about it as she kissed Vali’s forehead and hugged her father. The two of them departed after that and once they were both gone Loki had no reason to linger. It had been nearly three hours since he had run from his room. It was entirely possible for him to find another way to put off returning- there were so many places he could hide- and he could continue to keep far away from Thor. He could continue to avoid confronting the future that Thor would decide for both he and Vali. Loki could keep running from the inevitable…

He chose not to. Whatever Thor decided, whatever Thor chose, Loki would only drive himself insane if he did not learn it now. He still completely believed that he would need to leave, and he hoped that Thor left that up to him. It would take time to prepare, and it was best to do that as soon as possible. The sooner he left the less likely it would be for anyone else to find out Vali was a shapeshifter. Loki didn’t want his hand forced anymore than it already was. 

Loki tried to pretend that his heart wasn’t breaking with every step he took, but it wasn’t working. 

If Thor took his offer, let Loki leave on his own terms without anyone else finding out the truth, what would they tell the rest of Asgard? They could claim that there was a fight and Loki had stormed off in anger (it would not be the first time- last time Loki had taken off to Alfheim for six months), taking Vali with him to punish Thor. It would be believed, but as time passed and Thor made no move to bring them back, questions would be asked. When their absence continued and Thor did not demand time with Vali, all would know that something was truly wrong. What they would tell them then, what would stop them from digging for answers, Loki didn’t know. He’d worry about that later. He’d worry about his lies and his plans later. Right now all he could do was worry about his son.

He would beg Thor again if it was necessary, but for now he was going to try for calm (even if he had to fake it). He would try to appeal to the goodness he knew was in Thor, even after this. He would reason (or at least try to) in order to make the best outcome for Vali. In the end, if that didn’t work, he’d cry and beg and offer Thor anything he wanted.

When he came to the door of his bedroom, Loki paused. He wished he could stop the sickness that twisted in his stomach, the trembling that started again in his hands. He wished that this wasn’t happening, that Vali wasn’t going to know the pain his siblings lived. If it was in his power, Loki would do anything to spare Vali this.

When Loki finally opened the door, he didn’t expect Thor to actually be there. He thought that Thor would be out venting his frustrations by hitting things with his hammer as he always did. He never would have expected his brother to still be there, let alone pacing the length of the room while muttering to himself with a concerned look on his face. Seeing him there, all of Loki’s intentions fled. Instinct had him turning to run. Thor must have seen him, because his shout forced Loki to stop.

“Loki!” 

He turned back around slowly, knowing the panic he felt was plain of his face. Thor had stopped mid step, a look of similar panic on his face, concern underlining it. If this was any other situation, if there was anything else hanging in the balance, Loki would have laughed at the sheet absurdity of it all.

“Loki-“ Thor said again, arm outstretched as he took a step towards them. Loki instinctively took a step back, and Thor visibly winced. 

They stood at an impasse, Loki terrified and Thor trying to figure out what to do. Finally, it was Loki who broke it. He looked away from Thor, unable to look at his brother’s face when he asked, “Will you allow me to just leave with Vali without any others finding out?”

“No.”

Thor’s words shattered what was left of Loki’s heart, and it made his knees go weak. His eyes closed as he buckled with a pained sound, the world spinning in a way that made him think he was going to be sick. Strong arms caught him before he hit the ground, and Loki struggled. 

“Loki stop!” Thor tried to stop him, tried to keep him calm, “You’ll hurt Vali!”

That stopped him, and Loki became acutely aware that Vali was beginning to fuss and struggle in his arms. Loki stopped struggling, but that didn’t mean he would allow Thor’s arms around him.

“Let go!” he snarled.

“No!” Thor sounded forceful now, though the concern was still there.

Loki whipped his head up to face Thor, the glare harsh. He opened his mouth to snarl his demand again, but something in Thor’s face stopped him. Thor’s face was earnest, blue eyes pleading with him.

“Please Loki,” Thor sounded close to begging, “You’ve said your piece and I listened. Do I not deserve the same?”

Loki nodded cautiously, confused as to what was happening. What did Thor have to say? He did not seem angry, but worried. Surely he was not worried about them, not after his reaction this morning? 

Gently, as though he thought Loki would bolt with one wrong move (which, quite honestly, Loki just might), Thor guided Loki back to his feet and sat him down on the edge of their bed. For a moment he thought of suggesting laying Vali down in his crib for a time, but dismissed it. Loki was guarding Vali like a mother bear guarded her cub, and trying to separate them would be seen as nothing less than a direct attack. Instead, he stepped back and looked down at them.

Thor had practiced this. He had gone over what he would say since he had returned from his talk with Sleipnir. The words he had chosen died as he looked down at the clearly miserable Loki, the one who had so obviously given up hope of this ever ending happily for Vali.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, and Loki winced. Thor realized belatedly how that sounded to a Loki who was clearly convinced that Thor was forsaking them. He knew he was doing this wrong, but it didn’t stop him from continuing. He had to convince Loki that he would protect and love Vali until the end of the nine realms, and that he would never allow any harm to come to him because of his differences, “I’m sorry that you think I’d agree to send you and my son away. I won’t Loki, I swear this to you right now. I love Vali more than I love any other being in the nine realms and I will die protecting him if the need comes. There is nothing, nothing, that will make me turn him away. He could do nothing, be nothing that would make me look at him and be ashamed.”

Loki was looking at him with wide eyes, and Thor hated himself. He had caused Loki to be so damned shocked that he wouldn’t disown Vali.

“You…” Loki sounded so astounded, disbelief lingering in his tone. 

He couldn’t believe that this was happening. This was what Loki had wanted to believe would happen, but surely this wasn’t real? Thor couldn’t actually be doing this…could he?

“There is nothing wrong with Vali!” Thor knew that Loki needed to understand that Thor truly felt this way before he believed anything else, “I know you know this already, but I need you to believe that I know it as well. If I believed there was something wrong, then I would need to believe that you are wrong. If Vali were to turn out just like you, how could I not be proud of him? I love all that you are Loki, even the parts that constantly cause me grief. How could you think that I would love those things in you but punish them in Vali?

“No matter what Vali is or what he will become, he will always be my son first. I give you my word on this Loki, and I would have given it before now had you asked. I had never thought it would be necessary to assure you that it was the truth, but it seems I must. Despite what you think, I am not a complete fool. I knew that there was a chance that our child would be…” Thor struggled to find a word that would not make Loki want to kill him, “different. All of your others were, and everyone warned me that you were incapable of producing anything other than-“ Thor cut himself off, and Loki knew the word they used when warning Thor- monsters, “but I did not listen…I did not care. I did not believe them.” 

“And why is that? Did you believe that any child of the golden Thor could never be anything less than perfect? That you being the sire would insure the child wasn’t a creature born of nightmares?” The bitterness was there, the same that had driven him to try and kill an entire world to prove his worth. Sane again or not, that was always there, lurking below the surface. Nothing had changed, not really. Loki was still the second son, the trickster and the Liesmith, accepted for his place in the royal family, and that was all. 

Some days Loki wondered why he stayed in Asgard at all, knowing that there were places where he would be accepted and respected for his talents. Midgard really was the perfect realm for him. It would be easy to shapeshift into someone new and turn to (mostly) legitimate ways to made a living, and he would raise in the world quickly and efficiently. It would certainly be better for his mental state than being here. 

Then Thor, the big loveable oaf that he was, would do something that made Loki feel loved and cherished, and Loki would understand. When his parents –his father- would show affection and pride towards him, gruff as it was, he would understand. When Sif and the Warriors Three (especially Volstagg and Fandral, who had always been the ones who accepted him with more ease) did their best to show that there were indeed Loki’s friends (not only Thor’s and who only put up with him), he would understand. That didn’t mean Loki would forget that there were the only ones. 

“No!” Thor snapped, his temper unwilling to allow that accusation on top of the others, “I believed that any child that came from our union, from our love, would be perfect! I never doubted it! And damnit Loki, I still believe it true!” 

Sweet, naïve Thor, who still trusted him after all this time, who still loved him despite it. Who had punished those he had caught making bets about the shape their unborn child would take. Thor, who had been blissfully happy when Loki announced he was (once again) with child, and who had pampered him all nine months of it and never once noticed his husband’s anxiety and fear. 

“And if Vali had been ‘different’ from the beginning?” Loki demanded, his nerves frayed, anger rising and clinging to what little hope he was regaining, “of he had been born a horse, a snake, a wolf, half dead or something even more monstrous? Would he have been perfect then, or would you have recoiled from him as you did my others?”

Thor wanted to look away when he answered, but he forced himself to keep Loki’s eyes. After Sleipnir had told him what he had thought he would do in the situation Loki was describing, Thor had forced himself to truly look at himself and decide that he actually would have done. He never would have disowned Vali and never would have sent him away, or that he was completely sure. Yet Thor could not deny that there would be times he would do the wrong thing because he was dealing with something that he did not understand. He would hurt his son through carelessness, and he felt shame that he was capable of that.

“I would have made mistakes, would have done foolish things because I would not have known how to act. I’m not like you Brother, who was able to shrug off Jorgamund’s shape from the beginning and move onto raising him. I would have floundered and probably done damage along the way. All of that would have happened, but I would never have done anything to hurt him, not on purpose. No matter what shape, I would have loved Vali. He is my son, and though you are not the only one who seems to think it doesn’t, that matters to me. I would have loved him as much as I do now, and even with all the mistakes I would have made, that love would never have wavered…will never waver. Vali would have been no less perfect in my eyes, just as he is no less perfect to me now that he is a shapeshifter.

“You know me Loki, know that I have never been able to lie, especially to you. Look at me now and tell me I’m lying.” 

He wasn’t. Loki had been watching him as Thor gave his impassioned speech, and he knew that every word Thor was saying was true. Thor wasn’t lying.

Maybe…maybe…

“You tell me I reacted badly,” he continued, switching back to the reality of the situation, “and I admit I did. It was not for the reasons you believe. It was not horror and not disgust. It was shock, confusion and worry. It was not the best reaction that I could have had, but it did not mean all that you thought it did. I do not blame you for it, not when I so obviously failed you and your children in the past.”

Loki stared at Thor in blatant shock, unable to stop himself. Did…did he just say that? He knew Thor disliked the pain he felt because of the treatment his children received, but he had never regretted it. He had never even acknowledged the pain those children felt. Thor had never cared, never seen anything actually wrong with what had happened to them. Now he was saying he failed them?

Thor fidgeted under Loki’s astonishment, shame written on his face (which only made Loki stare harder), “I spoke to Sleipnir after you left. You asked me not to tell anyone about Vali, but I knew he would keep our council. I am a fool and he made me see it. He is wise, that son of yours.”

So Sleipnir had known. After his mysterious words, Loki had assumed so, even if he couldn’t figure out how. He never would have imagined that the information had come from Thor. Under no circumstances would Loki have assumed that Thor would go to Sleipnir for conversation, let alone advice. 

“Before…before I could not understand. You told me earlier that they would take Vali from us, but I could not believe it then. Sleipnir convinced me of the truth, and the truth that there were those who would want Vali gone, is when I could even begin to understand. I knew their fates caused you pain, but not that it was a pain that cut this deep. I did not take part in any decisions or actions against your other children, but I should have been the first to stand up for them. I was a coward and a failure of a brother and uncle. I don’t blame you for thinking the worst of me once I found out the truth about Vali. I deserved every moment of your doubt.”

“You…you…” Loki finally managed to form words again, but was still on the boarder of speechless, “You’re sorry about what happened?”

“Yes,” Thor was both earnest and ashamed as he sat down beside Loki heavily, “I am sorry that you suffered, that your children suffered. None of it was fair Loki. I’ve always known that, just never admitted it until now. I never honestly thought of it until now. Even more than that, I’m sorry for looking at your children and never seeing past their bodies. I looked at them and saw beasts because of their shapes, not because of their actions. Even if they truly had been the monsters we all thought them to be, it shouldn’t have mattered- I, of all people, should have realized that it did not matter what they were, only that they were your children. For you, they would always be your children first. I thought your children monsters, but in reality it was the rest of us, the ones who judged and condemned without reason, who were the real monsters.”

Tears were sliding down Loki’s cheeks. He had given up hope of someone else ever caring about his children long ago. That someone did, that Thor finally saw the wrongness of it all, was more than he ever hoped. He still feared for Vali, still mourned their fates that he couldn’t change, but in that moment all Loki could feel was joy. Someone finally understood. 

“I’m ashamed that it took so long and a dressing down from Sleipnir for me to realize this. How you have ever managed to live with me, let alone love me, I will never know, even as I’m grateful for it. I can’t believe you’d even trust me to hold our child after all I haven’t done, and I can’t blame you for assuming I’d do the same with him. You were not the only one, and you were the one who had the most reason. I’ve failed you, and I’ve failed your children even more. How do I fix it Loki?”

“Oh Thor,” Loki sighed, a hand going to cup the side of his face. Thor leaned into the touch, but the turmoil remained on his face, “you can’t.”

Thor did not like that answer, and it showed on his face, “Surely there is something,” Thor was desperate to make things right, not only because it was the honourable thing to do, but because they deserved this. He might not deserve their forgiveness, and he may never get it, but that wasn’t the point. He would not do this for him, but because it was his duty to make their lives easier. 

“Hela is where she belongs and Jorgamund is where he must be. It is not the realm that either of us would have chosen, but he is used to it by now and moving to another after all this time would just irritate him. He most certainly miss the Kraken is he were to leave, and their children of course,” Thor choked, and Loki couldn’t help but grin, “Where did you think all those lake monsters come from? Jorgamund has made me a grandfather many times over through the years,” he sobered again, “Sleipnir is where he chooses to be and Fenrir…”

What could he say about Fenrir? Fenrir had suffered the most and because of it hated the world and would tear it apart if he could. Because of what they had done, Loki knew Fenrir was every bit as dangerous as everyone had feared him to be. 

“And Fenrir?” Thor prompted.

“Once I had hoped to convince Father to release Fenrir to Hela’s care, but that was before Hela was forced away. When Hela was sent against her will, Fenrir’s rage reached its pinnacle. It was when he truly began to hate. Had she gone in her own time and under her own power, I would have trusted Fenrir to follow her without incident. Now I don’t even think Hela could stop him from trying to take revenge on everyone who he thinks wronged him. It hurts me, but I don’t think it’s safe to release Fenrir.”

“I did not know you planned to send Fenrir to Helheim,” Thor sounded surprised but thoughtful, “it was a good plan.”

“It was,” Loki agreed, “I just wish it still could be.”

There was silence then, both of them caught in their own thoughts. Loki remembered Fenrir’s hate, and the joy he had felt only minutes ago was fading under the painful memory. Thor continued to think about ways he could try and fix things. Loki told him that there was nothing he could do, but Thor refused to accept that.

“I will travel to Helheim and then Midgard. I intend to seek out my step children and ask their forgiveness. I will take Vali with me next time I journey to Midgard, and I will seek out Jorgamund and present him to his brother.”

Loki was shocked, “You’re terrified of Jorgamund.”

Thor looked like he wanted to protest that, but did not allow himself to get off topic, “It does not matter. I will then seek out Sleipnir again and do the same thing in asking for forgiveness. I will tell Fenrir of our desire to leave him in Hela’s care, and I will do all that I can to insure that it is done as soon as I am King. I plan to beg them to forgive me for any part I played in their pain and assure them that I will do all in my power to prevent anymore.”

“You plan to do this to make me feel better?”

“No. I will do this because it is right. They are my family and I failed them. I should have gone to Hel and back when they were merely my niece and nephews, and plan to do that now that they are my stepchildren. I am a failure as an uncle, but I will do better as a second father.” 

“You wish to claim them as such?” Loki was astounded. It was one thing to say he felt badly about the way they were treated, but another thing entirely that Thor was willing to claim them as his own.

“I would be honoured if they allowed me to. I promise you that I will do my best to prove to them that I am worthy of it. More than that, I promise that I will protect them from further harm. I will never allow any such harm to come to Vali. I love him and will protect him no matter what. Nothing will happen to Vali, not because he is a shapeshifter. Nothing will happen to him, I promise you this.” 

Loki didn’t protest this time when Thor put his arms around him. Instead, Loki burrowed into the embrace, tension flowing from his body as easily as the tears came from his eyes. Thor knew that Loki believed him, and relief flooded through him. Even with that relief, Thor remembered Sleipnir’s words- he did not deserve Loki’s trust yet. Thor fully planned to do it, to give Loki a reason to trust him. Thor knew he had to prove it. 

l.l.l.l

By nature, Thor was not sneaky. He was brash, upfront and in your face. He was not sneaky naturally, but Thor had grown up watching the master of it. Loki was the God of Lies, and Thor couldn’t help but watch and learn how he did it. He never would have admitted it, but Thor had always grudgingly impressed at Loki’s ability to twist almost any situation to his advantage. It was years of watching Loki that made it that, although not sneaky by nature, Thor could be so it was completely necessary. 

The most difficult part, as always, was managing to keep his plans (or even the fact that he had a plan) from Loki. It wasn’t as hard as it would normally have been, not when Loki was still in such a state of shock and awe. Thor hadn’t had to give anymore assurances, but he hadn’t withdrawn his touch, even when they had laid down to sleep, Vali (also asleep) still cradled in Loki’s arms. Loki had fallen asleep quickly from sheer exhaustion, but Thor stayed awake. He couldn’t sleep, not when he had something to do…something to prove. He enjoyed holding Loki for a few hours, but once it was the darkest hours of the night, Thor moved. 

He gently took Vali from Loki’s arms and placed him in the cradle. As was his habit, Thor spent a few moments just staring down at the infant. Vali was a beautiful baby. Thor knew he was biased, but knew others agreed with him. Vali looked like him, though Thor thought that he would end up having Loki’s finer bone structure. Looking at him now, one would never think that there was anything different about him. In Thor’s mind, there was nothing different about Vali, not really. He was still beautiful, would be no matter what shape he was in. Thor honestly couldn’t wait to see which shapes Vali would choose to take. It would make raising him that much more interesting. 

Without a word, Thor turned from his sleeping son and left the room. He moved as silently as he could, and neither of them stirred from their much needed sleep. Thor was grateful because he knew his plan was a foolish one and Loki would do his damndest to persuade him from doing it if he learned of it. Thor couldn’t let that happen. Loki believed his intentions, but like Sleipnir had said, did not have complete faith in him. He had to do something to show Loki that he truly meant every word. He needed to provide Loki with evidence that he was trustworthy. 

At this time of night the palace was empty, even the guards on duty were fewer (a lapse in security Loki had pointed out time and time again, and Thor had to begrudgingly agree with). There were two stationed at the end of the corridor that led to his chambers, but they paid him no mind as he passed other than to return Thor’s nod (to not to acknowledge them would have been out of character for Thor and would have brought suspicion). He passed no others as he traveled to his father’s study. There would be two more guards posted outside the door, but Thor would not be entering through that door. 

Before Thor’s botched coronation, when Odin fully believed that Thor would soon be king, his father had revealed secrets to him. One of those secrets was the secondary, hidden entrance to the room Odin used to decide the matters of state. As far as Thor knew not even Frigga knew of it. Odin used it for the times he wished no one to know that he was attending kingly matters, when absolute secrecy was acquired. It was the passage meant to allow the king to get to his war room even if they were under attack, to where he kept Gungnir under magic lock and key when he was not in need of it.

Another secret Thor had been told was about Gleipnir. Specifically, he had been told how to break it. Thor had been when shocked when Odin first told him. Everything Thor had been told since Fenrir’s binding was that the chains were unbreakable. It was the only way to insure Fenrir never got loose and would never pose a renewed danger to Asgard. He had asked his father why, and Odin hadn’t answered. Thor understood it now- not even Odin could stomach the idea of completely chaining his grandson for all eternity. It was guilt that made him allow a way to break the chains even if he would never use it. Odin had told Thor under the impression that, like him, Thor would never use it. Up until a few hours ago, he never would have. Now however…

Thor knew he couldn’t just unchain Fenrir and walk away. He did not have the power for that, not before he was king. Only Odin could completely release the wolf and no amount of asking would get him to do that. At the moment all Thor could do was let Fenrir free for a brief amount of time. It wasn’t freedom, but a promise of what would happen when Thor was king. 

He knew that the chances of this succeeding, of not leaving disaster in its wake, was slim. Terrible odds had never stopped Thor in the past and they wouldn’t now. This wasn’t only about proving himself. It was also about giving Fenrir a chance to prove himself. Even Loki was beginning to believe Fenrir lost in his rage and hate, believed him beyond salvageable. 

Most had said the same thing of Loki when he was in the depth of his madness. Thor had refused to believe it then and now refused to believe it of Loki’s son. In the end, Loki made a choice. For better or for worse, Fenrir deserved the same opportunity. Thor would probably end up regretting it, but that wasn’t going to stop him. 

Thor needed Gungnir to accomplish his task, and he knew where his father kept it (not that that was a true secret, with several others knowing it as well). Though it was meant to be used by the King, Thor would be able to use it as well. Gungnir could be used by any member of the royal family in case of emergencies. Thor had never been interested in wielding it before now. He had Mjolnir, and the hammer suited him far better than the spear would. If Gungnir wasn’t required for this task he wouldn’t be using it now

When Thor reached the secret door to the study he paused and listened. Middle of the night or not, it was entirely possible that Odin was inside working despite the hour. There was only silence from inside and Thor cautiously opened the door. The room was empty and dark, the candle that Thor held casting the only light. He moved quietly into the room, moving carefully to avoid making noise and raising the suspicions of the guards outside. 

For the first moment that he reached for Gungnir, Thor feared that this wouldn’t work. That the spear would sense his intention to go against an order of its rightful owner and reject him for it. His hand clasped the spear pulled it out from its cabinet. Thor waited with bated breath, but nothing happened. He breathed an inward sigh of relief. 

Thor needed nothing else in this room, so he left it as silently as he came. Back outside, Thor considered his options. He could take the direct route to Fenrir, and even if he passed others, they would not stop him. They would think it strange that Thor was carrying his father’s weapon but they wouldn’t stop him on his way, even the guards. The problem was that that would lead to questions, and would eventually get back to Odin. Thor was incapable of lying to his father and the truth would come out. He would be asked why he did this and it would lead back to Vali. Thor had been firmly convinced that would be terrible and had no desire for it to happen. 

Thor had spent his childhood in this palace. He had spent years playing in it, had used is as his personal playground. Thanks to Loki and his knack for ferreting out hidden things, Thor had spent many hours exploring the secret passageways with his brother. Thor knew every inch of the palace, both secret and public. From his father’s study Thor knew of two hidden paths out and into the forest where Fenrir was kept chained. It would take him twice as long to get there than if he took the main route, but there was no risk of anyone seeing him. It was the better route for one who was in need of secrecy. 

Thor took the hidden passages and it took him nearly an hour to reach his destination. The forest was silent except for the sounds that Thor himself made, and as he grew closer to Fenrir, Thor didn’t allow himself to falter. 

Thor had only seen Fenrir once since he had been chained, the night it had happened, and Thor was ashamed to see that nothing had changed. As least nothing had changed for the better- it seemed to Thor that Fenrir had grown, but the chains had not changed to accommodate it. How many years had it been? Thinking about it, about how much he hadn’t cared, made Thor feel sick. He hadn’t cared before today, and that made Thor feel shamed. Fenrir was right to hate them all- Thor couldn’t imagine a worse fate. 

When Thor approached, it seemed that Fenrir was asleep. He was considering how to wake him (without somehow causing harm to either of them) when Fenrir opened his eyes. The growl that followed him catching sight of Thor made the ground below them shake.

“It seems I’ve become important of late, what with so many visits from the royal family.”

The words were not outwardly vicious, were in fact more sarcastic than anything, but it was impossible not to hear the maliciousness of every syllable. Fenrir’s hate was tangible in those few words. 

“I’m sorry to wake you,” Thor said in reply, ignoring the way his mind was screaming ‘Danger!’ and how his hand itched for Mjolnir. 

Fenrir barked harsh laughter, “Sleep? I do not sleep. I am helpless here, and trust none of you to not decide that I’m better off dead. I may not be able to stop it when it happens, but I’ll be damned if they slay me in my sleep like an old, useless animal.”

Even generally oblivious Thor noticed that Fenrir used the word ‘when’, not ‘if’. How was Thor to answer that? An apology would do no good, would probably anger Fenrir even further.

Without having a way to answer, Thor decided to not reply on that, but to go instead to what he had come here to discuss, “I’ve come to speak with you about an important matter.”

Fenrir snorted, “Ah, has Father tattled on me to you as well? Hela has already scolded me quite fiercely Uncle, so you need not worry about putting me in my place.” 

Thor wondered what Hela had said because he could hear chastisement lurking behind the sarcasm. Hela had a sharp tongue that truly cut, as Thor had found out earlier. Thor did not envy Fenrir for being on the receiving end of a furious Hela’s tongue lashing.

“I haven’t come to scold you or put you in your place. It is not my place to do either. Yes, Loki told me what happened between you and I dislike that you made him hurt fiercely. Yet you made no threats against him or Vali, and until you do you will hear no threats from me.”

Fenrir’s look of pure hostility had morphed. The rage and hate was still there, but mixed in with them was confusion and even an ounce of curiosity. It was not much, but Thor took it as an encouraging sign. 

“It seems Father’s assessment of your change of character isn’t merely a delusion after all,” Fenrir remarked, and sounded truly surprised at the observation, leaving Thor to feel a little affronted, “Fine then. If you have not come to strike me down or yell at me like I’m a child, then why are you here Thunderer?” 

This, Thor knew, was where his plan became truly tricky. This was not Sleipnir, who Thor trusted with the truth about Vali without question. Fenrir had told Loki of his hate of his youngest sibling, and Loki did not trust him with this secret. Thor could not approach this the same way as he had with his conversation with Sleipnir. He had to find a way to explain his sudden change of heart without even hinting to the true cause of it. 

“I’ve been speaking with your father about you,” Thor said the truth, even if it was only a piece of the puzzle, “in the aftermath of your last conversation with him,” Fenrir remained silent, still curious as to where this was going, and it felt Thor feeling as though he was on steadier footing, “many words were exchanged, and most of them were unfavourable to me.”

“Oh?” For the first time Fenrir looked genuinely interested to where this conversation was going, not simply curious, “and did he finally manage to beat the truth of us into your thick skull?”

“Between Loki and Sleipnir, yes they did,” Thor was still ashamed and allowed Fenrir to see it, “I see it all now, every unfair thing, every lie we told ourselves to justify all of your torments, and know them for what they are.”

“Have you come to ask forgiveness then?” Fenrir scoffed, and Thor did not blame him for his complete and utter disbelief. It had taken time and effort to convince Loki of his change of heart, let alone Fenrir, who only had reasons to hate him. 

“Yes,” Thor replied honestly, “but I do not expect it and deserve it even less than that. That is only one part of why I am here, though my sincere apologies are equally important. The other part is the way I plan to make amends for all the wrongs I’ve done and allowed to be done to you.”

“There is no way you will ever make amends for what has been done to me!” Fenrir’s growl held the same malice and rage as earlier, and Thor once again had to stop himself from reacting to the threat of it.

“I can give you freedom.”

That stopped Fenrir short. The wolf was completely motionless, unwavering gaze holding Thor’s. Thor saw the flash of disbelief, or utter longing, pass through those eyes. It was gone an instant after it appeared, Fenrir’s eyes narrowing into slits of full distrust, but Thor knew that he had seen it. He knew that he had captured Fenrir’s undivided attention now- for the first time in centuries, Thor had given Fenrir hope, even if it was only a glimmer of it.

“You lie!” he hissed.

“I do not,” Thor replied, not taking it as an insult as he usually would.

“These chains are unbreakable! If they weren’t, Father would have found a way to have freed me by now!”

Fenrir’s undying belief that Loki would have done everything possible to free him gave Thor hope that the hate he professed for Loki was not complete. A Fenrir who didn’t completely hate Loki was one who wasn’t impossible to deal with, was one he could appeal to.

“They cannot be broken,” Thor agreed, “but they can be unfastened. It is magic far older than Loki that helped create it and there was no way he could have discovered the secrets of it himself.”

“And how do you know this? You are no sorcerer.” 

“There was a time that the All-Father was foolish enough to think me ready to be king. He was wrong, as you well know, and found out too late how badly I was suited to it at the time. Before that however, there was much to do in order to make me ready, many secrets I needed to know the answers to. Gleipnir was one of those secrets. I know how you unchain you and I wish to do it.”

Fenrir was silent for a long moment, “You would let me run unchained through Asgard?”

“No,” was Thor’s blunt reply, “I cannot trust you not to rip Asgard apart if I allowed that. You are your father’s son and I have seen Loki’s vengeance enough to know that it would be a bloodbath. I want to free you Fenrir, to make amends for your pain, but I will now do it at the expense of Asgard.”

“What then?” Fenrir sounded frustrated and angry, “A cage? Banishment to another realm like Jorgamund? That is not freedom Odinson, merely a new type of chain with a longer reach! How do you know I will not destroy whichever place you send me in Asgard’s place?”

“I am sure that you would be the terror of the realm,” of that Thor had no doubt, “I would not inflict that on any living realm, now would I risk you being caught and killed by a lucky mob of hunters who are determined to end the threat you pose. If not the living, then I can only trust you in the realm of the dead. You can do no permanent harm to the dead, can live there without risk to you or those who dwell there. It is a banishment of sorts, but not like the one Jorgamund suffers. You could not leave Hel, but Hela would allow you more freedom than you would have in any other realm. You would be able to run free and still have family at your side. No longer would Hela be the only living thing in Helheim, no longer would she be alone.”

Bringing up Hela and what she suffered was a move that was meant to sway Fenrir. It was an effort to manipulate the love between siblings (it was a technique that had been used against him many times and with great effectiveness, mostly by Loki), and though obvious, Thor prayed that it had the desired effect. 

“Helheim,” Fenrir murmured the name to himself. The desperation, the sheer longing for the realm of the unworthy dead, Thor heard was heartbreaking.

“There would need to be discussion, to figure out how it would work, but it is possible. I would need your solemn oath that you would no attack as you left Asgard and Hela’s that she wouldn’t let you leave, but it is the best outcome you will receive.”

Thor would need Loki and Hela to help him figure out the logistics of it, but it was doable. Loki probably already had it planned in his mind, probably had since the idea came to him, and would know how to accomplish it in the safest way possible.

“Then do it,” Fenrir was not begging, but it was close, “unchain me and take me there! Everything else can be dealt with later, just get me out of these chains!”

“I cannot-“ Thor began, but Fenrir cut him off.

“Do you want me to beg? Is that what you wish? To humble myself before you? Is this how you ask forgiveness and show your kindness?” 

“I cannot set you free to Helheim because I do not have the power,” Thor continued, wincing at the accusations Fenrir threw at him. They were not true, would not have been true even before his banishment to Earth, but that he was expected to be that cruel hurt, deserved or now, “only the King of Asgard has that power.”

“Then all you give me is empty words,” Fenrir growled in frustration, “promises made that you can easily ignore the moment you leave me, your pity gone. Words that can be forgotten the moment you no longer need to get back into Father’s good graces. You leave me with nothing but pointless hope.”

Fenrir didn’t believe him, so Thor knew he had to make him see the truth of his words, “What I can give you is proof of my intent.”

With that Thor touched Gungnir against the spot where the chains wrapped around Fenrir’s neck. He spoke words he didn’t understand in a language long dead, and without so much as a sound the chain came undone from that point and fell around Fenrir.

There was a moment of stunned silence where neither of them moved. Then, for the first time in three centuries, Fenrir stood up. His legs were shaky and weak from disuse, and Thor wondered if his legs would even properly work after all this time. Despite the obvious weakness and continuing shakes Fenrir stayed on his feet. He took a tentative step forward and though he stumbled, he didn’t fall.

Seeing Fenrir standing at his full height, Thor couldn’t help but be awestruck. Fenrir had been large before, the size of a warhorse, and Thor’s guess that he had continued to grow was correct. Fenrir was larger now, well over the size of Sleipnir. He truly was a terrifying sight. 

A deep growl reverberated through the silent air, and it made the hair on the back of Thor’s neck stand up on end. Fenrir’s stretching ended and his hackles rose. Thor recognized the stance of an animal ready to attack, and he felt a stab of fear pierce him. He didn’t show it, though he wouldn’t have been surprised if Fenrir could sense it.

“You’re a fool Uncle,” Fenrir’s voice was darkly amused, almost giddy “I’ve given you no promise not to destroy this realm, and there is much damage I can cause before they even find out I’m free,” Fenrir sounded gleeful and anticipatory, and he laughed, almost child-like in its tone.

Fenrir wanted to rip and tear, to pay back the pain he had felt. Thor didn’t blame him, but he would do whatever he could to stop him from doing it. He couldn’t use violence, not if he ever wanted Loki to be able to look at him again, let alone be able to look in the mirror and face himself again. Words had never been Thor’s strength, but he had to try with them.

“Kill me now, take your rage out on me if you need to. Destroy me in Asgard’s stead. But know that this will break Loki’s heart. Not only by killing me, but by proving them right that you are a vicious beast that needed to be captured and held down. This time they will not chain you, they will call for your blood, for your life. Your father will be forced to watch, and will be unable to stop it because not even Loki can stand against the combined might of Asgard. He will lost his sanity again and will die trying to protect you or getting revenge for you. Your siblings will be left to mourn you and the fact that there was nothing they could do to save you, and then will feel the same about your father not long after.”

Thor paused, letting that sink in. Fenrir had yet to move again, but showed no further signs of attacking or backing down. It was the same as what Thor had done years ago, telling his brother to take his need for revenge out on him instead of a town of innocent mortals. He hoped that this time it would end better. Thor thought it would, otherwise he never would have done this. There were differences between then and now, and Thor hoped that they would make the difference. This time it was not some vague ‘I’m sorry even though I have no idea what I did wrong’- Thor knew his sins, knew what he was offering to pay for. It made all the difference, admitting to faults that he understood. It brought much needed vindication to the injured party. Thor sometimes wondered if, had he known the reasons for Loki’s anger when he made his offer all those years ago, it would have changed the way things unfolded. 

Secondly, for all the hate Fenrir proclaimed, it was not easy to stop loving family. It wasn’t that the hate wasn’t real or strong, but it was hard to extinguish love completely. Loki had proved that by his ability to come and live with his again. Thor didn’t think that Fenrir completely hated Loki, not after so many years of loving him wholeheartedly. Thor was hoping that appealing to whatever love was left, however little it may be, would be enough to convince Fenrir not to kill them all.

Thor waited, breath held in anticipation. It was all in Fenrir’s hands now, and there was nothing else he could do.

“You offer your life to me freely,” Fenrir made no move to take action either way. 

“It is your right to demand it,” Thor said honestly, “but I am really hoping that you don’t decide to take it. I like my life and have no desire to leave it. But this isn’t about me- this is about you and your right to make a choice. It was a choice your father was given and he chose a path that caused everyone much pain. Don’t repeat Loki’s mistakes Fenrir.”

“I thought you had a conversation with my father about my recent behaviour? You seem to have forgotten that he’s betrayed me and I hate him as much as I do the rest of you.”

“He hasn’t betrayed you Fenrir,” Thor was unwilling to not argue on this point, “been inconsiderate and oblivious to the pain you felt because of his actions, but Loki would throw himself into the void again before he betrayed you. More than that, he understands that you feel this way and he accepts it. He believes he deserves it and has already defended your right to feel it. He did not sick Hela on you, but asked her if she felt the same and when she said she was coming to see you, Loki told her to leave you be. He defended you Fenrir, because even though it has broken his heart, he loves you.”

“I hate you! I hate you and I wish you dead…wish you all dead! I want to see Asgard burn!” It was a protest, a childish one, full of venom, but it was not an attack, and Thor began to believe that this would turn out alright after all.

“But do you hate us enough to destroy those you love?”

This is what it came down to- if Fenrir was ready to forsake everything so that he could cause the most pain. It came down to if Fenrir would choose vengeance over all else, even those who would be devastated if he chose revenge.

Fenrir growled again, the sound a deep rumble that once again shook the space around them. Then, without warning, the wolf threw back his head and howled. It was a mournful sound, furious and resigned. It was the sound of a creature resigned to the fact that there was only one choice he could make, and it was not the choice that would let him do what he wanted. Thor knew that he had won.

“You’ll free me?” Fenrir finally spoke, “Truly free me if I do no harm to Asgard?”

“I give you my word, but it cannot happen now. I can only let you free for a moment as proof to you that I mean every word. If you were to be unchained now, while my father still sits on the throne, it would end badly. You know this. I promise the moment I am King I will free you again and destroy these chains so they may never be used on you again. It will not be long Nephew. Father grows weary and prepares for Odinsleep. I will grant your freedom without pause, but you must wait a little longer.”

“I wish to run, to hunt. I promise you I will stay deep in the forest and touch only animals, but I need this. Please Uncle, it’s been so long…”

The longing in Fenrir’s voice made Thor’s decision for him, “You must be back before dawn,” he remembered what Sleipnir had told him before he left, and knew it could be used now, “I’m trusting you Fenrir. Please don’t prove me wrong.” 

Fenrir nodded his massive head before bounding odd deeper into the woods. Thor sat down on the ground to wait, Fenrir’s chains beside him and Odin’s spear in his lap, and let himself trust in his nephew and his promises.


	8. Chapter Eight

Loki woke up just after dawn, and he woke up alone. He stretched, first noticing that Thor, whose body had been pressed up against him tightly when he had fallen asleep, wasn’t blanketing him with warmth. He realized in the next moment that Vali, who he had fallen asleep holding, was no longer in his arms. That woke him instantly, made his heart begin to race, but it didn’t cause him to fall into the terrified panic as he would have the day before. He sat up abruptly, eyes flying to the crib. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the sleeping baby resting inside it.

For the first time in days Loki didn’t wake up terrified of what was going to happen to Vali. He didn’t completely at ease, still had a stomach tied in knots, but he didn’t wake up feeling like the weight of the world was crushing him. He didn’t feel like he was drowning. Loki woke up and didn’t feel completely alone. 

Thor knowing Vali’s secret made all the difference. It wasn’t even the fact that Thor could do much for the situation (Thor’s strength, vast as it was, would be a little help in this situation), but Thor would be someone he could trust Vali with while he researched or otherwise busy. That alone was a relief. He could bounce ideas off Thor, even if he didn’t’ have any expertise. Loki knew that he tended to get tangled up in his ideas, making things more difficult than they needed to be. Sometimes Thor’s straight forward and simpler mind was what was needed to cut through the knots and patterns that was Loki’s thought process. 

Those were two substantial reasons as to why he felt at east, but they were not the greatest. For the first time, Loki and one of his children had a defender. They had someone to protect them, who would defend them. A part of Loki balked at the idea that he needed a defender, but that part was drowned out by the cold reality that he hadn’t been able to protect his children in the past. Thor had promised to do whatever it took to keep Vali safe, and Thor was no oath breaker. 

Loki closed his eyes again and let himself fall back into the pillows. He didn’t need to be yet, not this early, and so had no need to do so. He had to admit that he was curious as to where Thor had gotten off to, but not enough to pull himself out of bed to search for him. He didn’t feel the urgency to haul himself to the library and lose himself on books on shapeshifting. He would eventually, but he woke up feeling like he actually had time. 

Loki didn’t fall back asleep, but instead drifted in the place between sleep and waking. He was warm, comfortable and content and would have continued in the manner had the sound of a door opening and closing not broken the silence. He opened his eyes to see Thor striding into their room. Thor looked like he had gone a few rounds with his more powerful mortal allies. He was covered in mud and fallen leaves, bruises, entire state of being in a state of disarray and with a slight limp as he walked. There was no blood or wounds that Loki could see, so he wasn’t overly concerned.

“A little early to be training isn’t it?” Loki’s sleep groggy voice made Thor look down at him. 

Thor grinned, “Training? No, though had it become so it would have been glorious indeed! Your son is fierce Loki!”

That caught Loki’s attention, and he sat up. Son? “Is Sleipnir back already?”

He was genuinely confused. Though Thor had left him with the impression that he and Sleipnir had come to some kind of understanding, but he couldn’t think of any reason why Thor and Sleipnir would be doing anything ‘fierce’. 

Thor’s grin didn’t fade, but seriousness seeped into his features, “as far as I’m aware Sleipnir is still in Helheim. It is not Sleipnir that I speak of. It is Fenrir.”

The world seemed to shrink in the silence that followed Thor’s statement. At first the words didn’t make sense, but then Loki focused on Thor again and the world dropped out from under him. Thor had obviously been in a fight, had just called his son fierce and was grinning in a way that he had seen post many battles. 

“Did he attack you!” Loki didn’t know what thought made him sicker- Fenrir attacking Thor or Thor standing here with a grin, no Fenrir in sight. 

“Well yes,” Thor replied, “but it was no more than I deserved, and he did nothing but throw me around, nor did he use his jaws, so I allowed it.”

“Where is he!” calm was gone, and once again hysterics were over coming him, “Is he alright? Good gods, did you kill him?” Thor would never be forgiven for that, even if it was self defence. 

“No!” Thor looked horrified, “No! I’m doing this wrong! Why do I always do this wrong?” Thor sounded frustrated, and Loki knew it was at himself. 

“Tell me what you’ve done,” Loki commanded, calm now replaced by steel, “Now!” 

“Fenrir has not been harmed,” Thor assured him, “he’s fine….he’s better than before, I promise you. As to what I did…it was foolish Loki, but…I let Fenrir free from his chains.” 

The world stopped again, and Loki just stared. Loki’s first thought, illogically, was that he had been right that the chain wasn’t unbreakable. Odin had assured him otherwise, but Loki had never believed him. The magic that created him was old, but there was always a way to revert or go around magic, even if Loki hadn’t found it yet. The second thought was when the reality of what Thor had said sunk in. Fenrir was free? Was Thor insane? He had told Thor of Fenrir’s rage, and knew that Fenrir wanted to kill them all. How could he unleash Loki’s bloodthirsty son on them all? 

Yet…yet here Thor stood before him, beat up and unharmed, promising him that Fenrir was fine. There was no alarm, no call to arms as Fenrir rampaged and took his rage out on Asgard. It was too calm for Fenrir to be free. 

“Fenrir’s free?” the hope warred with the dread, and it eventually won out. The idea of his son no longer chained down gave him joy, and if he wasn’t convinced that it would end in Fenrir’s death or him turning against Vali, he would see that freedom continued, damn the consequences. Loki could honestly say she cared little for Asgard when it compared to his son’s happiness. 

“No,” Thor replied, and there was regret on his face, “Fenrir is still chained.”

“I don’t understand,” Loki was more confused than before.

“I’m still not doing this right!” Thor sounded frustrated again, “I went to Fenrir after you had fallen asleep. I told him of what we spoke about, though not of Vali. He did not believe me when I promised him that I would one day send him to Hel, and I do not blame him for not taking me at my word. So I needed to prove to him that I was genuine. What better way to prove myself to him than free him for a short time? I allowed him to run until dawn, at which time I chained him again. The bonds are looser now, so I hope it will give him some comfort.”

Loki’s head was spinning, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he was processing things correctly, “If that is all, then why do you look like you were rolling around in the forest?”

“Your son has much pent up aggression,” it was an understatement, “Hunting wasn’t enough to cool it all, and he had already given me a promise not to harm Asgard. He hadn’t, however, promised to do no harm to me. When he returned from his hunt and attacked me, I knew it wasn’t a true attack. The fact that he did not use his jaws to rip me apart was proof enough of that. His need for revenge couldn’t be sated completely, but he could take some of it out on me. I allowed him to rough me about.” 

“Up,” Loki corrected absentmindedly, “the phrase is ‘rough me up’. Tell me everything Thor. All the details.”

As Thor told him, Loki listened in a growing sense of awe. There was so many things to be awestruck about in Thor’s story. The first was that Thor managed to pull it off without even hinting at what he planned to do (the plan itself didn’t surprise him- it was so trusting, so in your face and good naturedly Thor). The second was that it actually worked. Loki would have put money on Fenrir reeking havoc and causing bloodshed. Yet somehow, amazingly, Thor had talked the wolf out of it. Then, beyond all odds, he had convinced Fenrir to get back into the chains. 

How was that even possible?

“Why Thor?” Loki couldn’t help but ask, “You knew what could happen. Why would you risk such a thing?” ‘even for me’ was left unsaid, but he still heard it in his thoughts.

“How could I do anything else?” Thor’s reasoning, as per usual, was simple in its reasoning, “Asgard did him wrong and we owed him for it. He would have been in the right to demand blood in payment. I believed he would not take it, because I didn’t think Fenrir lost. He is not a mindless beast who couldn’t see past the consequences of his actions. Fenrir is angry, but he does not have a death wish. His actions would see him dead, and even more than that, it would bring yours. I’ve seen hate that was tempered with equal parts love. I’ve seen it in you Loki, and I know that, as great and true as the hate can be, love will always win. It is pure sentiment, I know that, but I believed your son would prove it too. He loves you more than he will ever hate the rest of us. Thankfully, he came to realize it much quicker than you did.”

There was no condemnation in his voice, and Loki could only be grateful for his brother’s sentimentality, “It was foolish Thor. I love Fenrir, but you’re lucky that he didn’t rip your throat out and then come for the rest of us.”

Thor grinned, “I will admit that luck played a large part more than most would have considered acceptable for a risk,” he sobered, “and it was foolish, but it was what was right. But the risks do not matter now, not when everything has turned out just as I intended. All will be well Loki.”

For the first time, Loki could completely believe it. 

l.l.l.l.l.l 

It took three weeks of intensive study for Loki to discover the key to controlling Vali’s shapeshifting. He went through the entire library of Asgard in the first week and a half, and moved on (secretly) to those in Alfheim and for a few days after that those in Svartalfheim (even more secretly). He hated being away, but Asgard held no answer for him and it was necessary. In the end, Loki hadn’t been able to find the spell that the All Father had once used on him. Instead, he found three spells that he could blend together. It would take even more time to piece it together in a way that he was convinced it would do Vali no harm. Time was still of the essence, but the need to rush through the process wasn’t there.

Thor watched Vali while he researched. Despite it being against his nature, Thor stayed away from people as much as possible. It wasn’t possible to sequester themselves completely, but Thor did his best to keep Vali out of sight, just in case. He shapeshifted every day now, usually cosmetic changes in hair and eye colour. There were newer changes, once where Vali took on a beard like Odin’s and another where he gave himself cat ears. Thor watched in wonder everytime it happened. Whenever Vali giggled that special giggle (Lokis had pointed it out to him) Thor would pratically bounce in excitement, waiting to see what his amazing son would do next. Then he eagerly retold them to Loki every night after he returned from the library. Thor described every shift in great detail, reaclling them as though they were great feats of strength done by great warriors (even if it was as small as making freckles appear across his nose). Loki smiled as he listened, and laughed at Thor’s tales, especially when hand motions were involved. He took jot in the fact that someone else took such joy in Vali’s differences. 

“Ears Loki! Furry little ears!” Thor was gesturing wildly, “it was adorable! They were so fuzzy! Though my delight was cut off when I heard others approaching. Do not fear! I had my helemt, and put it upon his head. Vali enjoyed it, for his laughter was even louder than when he grew the ears. The Warriors Three and Sif all believed our laughter over The helmet, and when I finally removed it, Vali was himself again.”

The knowledge of such a close call should have panicked Loki, and it did to an extent, but not like before. It still gnawed at him, that Vali was shapeshifting outside the safety of their rooms, but Thor being so adept at hiding it made him breathe easy. So did the fact that, in maybe a week’s time, this would no longer be an issue. 

“It was wonderful Loki!” Thor finished his story, grinning from ear to ear, and waited for Loki to say something.

“That’s impressive,” it was an understatement, “an animal transformation, even a partial one, should be beyond his skill. I couldn’t do it until I was a toddler.”

“He will be greater than both of us!” Thor predicted proudly. 

“He will,” he agreed, “but there’s other news I must tell you. I’ve finally found a way to bind his shapeshifting.”

Thor said nothing for a long moment, but he did not look excited by the news. Loki didn’t blame him there- for all that he felt relieved that he had found it, excitement had no part in it. Loki hated that he had to do this, and it seemed that Thor did too.

“I have to mix two spells,” Loki explained just to fill the silence, “one to bind and another to hamper innate magic. I’ll then use another spell to tie it to a physical vessel that Vali can have on him at all times. I think I’ll go to the Dwarves and commission something,” he couldn’t help but grimace at the prospect, “a wrist band perhaps. I’ll inscribe runes for protection myself, and it will be an answer to why we insist he wear it. Underneath the working runes I’ll weave the spell that will trap Vali in his original shape.”

Trap. That was what Loki was doing, and he knew it. He hated it, cursed it, but it was the truth of the matter. 

“But…” Thor’s voice trailed off, “do we really need to do this? I remember how you were when Father bound you to one shape. By the end of it you were ripping off your own skin because you said it felt wrong. How can we do this to our child?”

“Don’t you think I know that!” Loki snapped, angry that Thor would say out loud things Loki already hated himself for, “I know that we’re, for all intents and purposes, crippling our child! But tell me another way to keep him safe Thor!” Thor was silent, and Loki’s anger faded, “I’m sorry, but if we don’t then Vali will always be at risk. He’s too young to control it and won’t be able to for years. There’s no predicting his shifts. He could continue to shift daily or begin to go weeks without. I just don’t know Thor. We’ve been able to hide it so far, but you know it cannot last. We can’t keep him as secluded as possible for at least another ten years, and my glamour only works when I’m with him. At some time Vali will shapeshift in front of someone and we won’t be able to keep it secret. And it’s different Thor. It’s not the same as what Father put me through. The binding magic will only work if Vali is wearing the wrist guard. If we rake it off, his body will be able to change at will. We’ll take it off often, whenever we know we’re alone. It’ll be uncomfortable with it on, and it’ll make Vali wail at first, but it won’t get to the point of pain if we take it off. It’s just until he’s old enough that I’ve taught him control. Then he’ll never have to wear it again.”

Thor still looked distressed, “if you truly believe it the best choice…”

“It’s not the best choice,” Loki sighed in misery, “it’s simply the only one we have,” Thor looked as upset at the prospect as Loki felt, “I promise you Thor, I’m going to keep looking for another way.” 

Thor nodded absently, and didn’t reply. Loki followed his line of sight to where Vali lay in his play pen, hands waving multi-coloured blocks that had been gifts from one of Thor’s Midgardian friends. The baby was content, completely unaware that his parents were talking about him. 

Please be willing to forgive us for this, Loki prayed to himself as he watched Vali play, Please don’t hate us for what we’re going to put you through.

Loki wondered if his parents had felt like this. He wondered it, when it came to the secrets about him, if they ever felt the dread he felt now. Loki told himself that this was different, but would Vali see it that way? Loki would be completely honest with him, would tell him why they were making him stop shapeshifting. It was the lies that had crushed Loki, but that didn’t mean that Vali would handle the truth perfectly. He and Thor would be honest, loving and completely supportive, but would it be enough in Vali’s eyes? 

“Will he hate us?” Thor’s question was asked in a small voice, and Loki wondered if he was reading his thoughts. 

“I don’t know,” Loki admitted, “I pray he does not…” he couldn’t continue to think about this, not now, not if he didn’t want to lose heart in casting the spells he knew were necessary, “but we can’t worry about that now. We need to get ready for the feast.”

Thor made a face, “Must we?” 

Loki couldn’t help but laugh, “What is this? The Mighty Thor wishing to avoid a feast? It the world ending? Or perhaps is this sudden desire to abstain from feasting because you dislike the way the Alfheim ambassador looks at me?”

“It is not decent!” Thor huffed, “His flirting should have stopped when we became engaged, let alone once we married! Yet he persists in his quest to bed you!” 

Loki smirked, “Be that as it may, it is being thrown because the Light Elves have come to pay respect to the future King of Asgard’s heir.” We cannot just not go,” Thor was now pouting, and he laughed, “Come now Thor, dress yourself in your best. I promise not to run off to Alfheim with their dashing ambassador.”

l.l.l.l. 

The feast was as loud and energetic as usual, but Thor couldn’t make himself enjoy it. He played along, laughed and spoke when it was expected, but his heart was not in it. Thankfully, little attention was paid to him. The Elves sat at the head table with the royal family, and the Light Elves had always preferred Loki to Thor. They were laughing and talking with Loki while they praised and cooed at Vali. The delegation had one of the Elven princesses in it, one who had been Loki’s friend since childhood, and Loki allowed her to hold Vali for most of the night (she had also stopped the ambassador from flirting, much to Thor’s everlasting gratitude). Loki was speaking with he, smiling at her, but Thor saw the shadows in his eyes.

Those were the same shadows that were haunting Thor’s thoughts. Despite the merriment all around him, Thor couldn’t forget the conversation from earlier. Every time Thor looked at his son, all he could think of was what he would tell him when he was old enough for an explanation. How could you tell a child that there was nothing wrong with him, but then tell him he needs to harm himself to keep those things secret at all costs? How could they explain why it was alright for Loki, but not for Vali? How could Vali ever believe he was fine?

Thor couldn’t imagine any scenario where Vali didn’t end up hating himself and thinking there was something fundamentally wrong about him. He had already seen how a life built on a lie could implode, and though this was a different sort of lie, it was a lie nonetheless. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a break down of such proportions as Loki’s, but at some point Vali would crumble under the pressure. 

And what would happen if someone found out down the line, years after Loki’s spell had been enacted? It would be taken as proof that Vali was unfit, and no matter what Thor said, they wouldn’t believe him if he was to protest the assumption. Surely, if it wasn’t something to be ashamed about, why did you spend so much time and effort hiding it? He could hear the question, and a thousand others like it, already. 

Loki assured him (as much as he hated it) that his was the only course of action…but Thor couldn’t believe that. It wasn’t distrust of Loki’s reasoning (he believed it entirely), but the need to protect his son in a way that didn’t cause him further pain. 

Secrecy was the safest direction, but was it the best. It was the plan that stopped Vali from being tossed aside, but it didn’t stop the hurt from being caused. If they knew, there would still be whispers, harsh comments and mockery, but surely it would be easier to bear with parents who supported you completely? Who would tell any who did it just how out of line they were? 

Thor didn’t know, didn’t have the answers. He did, however, know that, while the safest, secrecy could never work long term (it never did- things always had a way of coming to light eventually). He remembered the last of what Sleipnir had told him, and Thor knew that this was a time for boldness and daring. It was a time to take a stand and make sure that every single person in Asgard (in all the Nine Realms) that Thor Odinson would allow no one to harm his son, shapeshifter or not.

“He will be great one day,” the Elf princess was sincere in her flattery of their son. 

This was it. Thor had to act, had to take a leap of faith. . If this went wrong, Thor would lose everything and never forgive himself for it. It would doom Vali to the fate of his siblings and drive Loki back into madness. It would ruin all of their lives, if this went wrong. It wasn’t logical, but Thor had always been a creature driven by his heart. His heart was telling them that this needed to be done. All of that played in Thor’s mind, and he spoke anyway. 

“Vali has already proven his greatness.”

“Oh?” Frigga’s smile was indulgent, humouring the new father who saw every movement their child made as spectacular, “and how has the little one done that?”

Thor did not hesitate, did not lower his voice, “He has begun shapeshifting. No even Loki, the best sorcerer among us, was able to do that so young.”


	9. Chapter Nine

The first one to speak was the princess. Eimmyria looked down at the child in her lap, a look of absolute delight on her face, "Shapeshifting? Already? Loki, that's wonderful!"

The rest of the Elves looked equally delighted, and it was no surprise. The Elves did not look down on magic like the Aesir did, appreciated the power (which was why Loki got along with them so well). It was a study they encouraged and held in high regard. While it was possible for Elves to shapeshift, it was a rare gift for their kind. Whenever it did happen, it was a power celebrated. They would never understand why Asgard would spurn Vali for it. They would, in fact, take a degree of offence in it.

The Aesir, on the other hand, were completely silent. Thor knew that not all of the feasting hall had heard him. The head table had, along with the three tables closest to them. Thor looked around the faces surrounding him, and he could only be disheartened at what he saw. Shock was the most common expression, it had even replaced his mother's usual composure. Barely concealed disgust was on a handful of faces, and its presence made Thor's stomach clench and heart race (final proof of Loki's claims, and seeing it made Thor pray he had not made a mistake in doing this). His father's face was blank, and Thor couldn't read any emotion (which only terrified him further). He couldn't look at Loki. The silence only lasted a moment, and then everyone was talking at once. Most spoke (or at least tried to) in low voices, but some didn't bother. The comments made Thor's anger to spike, and he wished that he could take Mjolnir to silence them. 

Another Lokison gone wrong. That was the sentiment Thor heard most. There was so much wrong with that, and it managed to slight every member of Loki's family, Thor included. He was no longer perfect, so they no longer saw him as Thorson (not that Thor would begrudge Loki is Vali ever did decide to adopt the name). They called him Lokison as though there was something wrong with that, that it made him (made all of his siblings) less than them. Thor wanted to punish them for it, but he feared how their distaste would influence Vali's fate (and Odin's decisions) more.

"Yes," Thor addressed Eimmyria, whose delight had faded to disbelief as she heard what was being said around her. She looked up when he spoke, "it is wonderful. He gave himself cat ears!" Thor was still besotted with that particular transformation, "a daughter as well, though I was a bit too surprised with that one," he spoke loudly and calmly, making it seem as though he was completely unaware of the things being said around him, "Loki tells me that it's remarkable. I am very proud of Vali."

The last part brought back the shocked silence. Sleipnir had told him that, if anyone were to find out, Thor had to make it abundantly clear that Vali had his complete support. Thor was not only declaring his support, but his unadulterated pride as well. He was proud of his son and loved him without question, and they would all know it. 

Looking at Eimmyria, Thor couldn't help but see Loki. The sight was enough to knock the air out of him. His husband looked desolate, as though he was utterly without hope (and perhaps he was). Worst of all, Loki was looking at him as though Thor had betrayed him (and he had, at least in a way, and Thor desperately wished that Loki would be able to forgive him for this). 

"Vali is special," Thor continued, "and he is loved. Any who think otherwise will not like my answer to them," it was a direct threat, and it silence the cutting remarks best of all. Thor had not only declared his support, but his intention to punish any who thought otherwise.

"Thor," his father's voice, calm and collected, was loud enough to silence the parts of the hall that hadn't heard any of Thor's announcements, "I'd like to speak with you," Odin looked to Loki, "both of you."

The colour drained out of Loki's face, and fear flickered in his eyes, even if he (barely) managed to keep it out of his expression. Eimmyria, clearly understanding the gravity of the situation, leaned over and whispered something into his ear. Loki nodded gravely and then got to his feet, but made no move to take Vali back into his arms. Thor was surprised, but it did not overly concern him that Loki would leave Vali in Eimmyria's care. No matter how they felt, no one in this room would be foolish enough to attack a member of the royal family, especially in light of Thor's threat. Besides that, the princess had survived several assassination attempts, and he trusted her ability to protect Vali if necessary. Thor also trusted the other Elves to protect their princess and her charge if violence was to break out.

Odin rose, and Thor followed suit. Silently, the three of them left the great hall, their path moving towards Odin's war room. Thor couldn't tell Odin's emotions, but he could see Loki's tense shaking. Despite it, his face had closed down, the only emotion in his eyes. Thor knew he was thinking how he and Vali could come out of this on top, making multiple plans to make sure it happened. Thor moved as he always did, forcing himself to look as though he was completely unconcerned with what was coming.

When they reached the war room, Odin dismissed the guards stationed at the door with a flick of his wrist. Thor breathed a sigh of relief at that. This conversation was to be held without the risk of anyone over hearing. Privacy would make this easier- openly and vehemently disagreeing with the king was easier when there was no one else to hear it. If there was someone there, Odin would be far less likely to be swayed in their favour if he made any sort of decision, even if it was a tentative one. A king must be strong, must stand by his proclamations, especially if there was someone to spread gossip that he wasn't. 

They entered, and at first there was silence. Loki fidgeted, looking anywhere but at them. Thor waited, praying once again that this wouldn't backfire. Finally, Odin spoke. 

"Is it true?" The question was directed towards Loki. 

Loki looked Odin straight in the eye, defiant and daring him to say something negative, "Yes." 

"How long have you known?"

"Weeks," Thor answered before Loki could. He didn't mention that Loki had known longer than him, that he had done his best to keep it hidden. Odin didn't need to know that Loki had feared his reaction. Now was the time for a united front, and one that at least appeared to have been there from the beginning. 

"And you've managed to keep it secret this long?" Odin was surprised, and it was aimed at Thor (gods knew that they were both aware that Loki was more than capable of taking a secret to the grave without ever breathing a word of it). 

Thor ignored the jab, "We deemed it necessary, and it proved to be so," Thor grimaced, remembering the reactions the news received, "we believed that the news would be met with scorn, and it would lead to something similar to Vali's siblings," it hurt to know that Loki had been right. 

"Then why tell now?" 

Thor could tell that Loki wanted to demand the same thing, but probably with much more venom than when Odin asked it, "After much searching, Loki has found a way to bind Vali's shapeshifting. We had decided that secrecy was the best course of action, but now that it was time, I couldn't go through with it. I can't cripple my son." 

He wondered if Odin would understand the sentiment. Thor doubted it. Odin may not have liked doing it, but he had been willing to enact terrible and crippling punishments on his children. It hadn't only been binding Loki's shapeshifting or Thor being banished to a foreign realm without powers (not that that hadn't been deserved). Loki's lips had been sewn shut for over a year, Thor had been sent alone on quests that could only end in failure. All of them involved pain and humiliation, and Thor wondered how Odin could do it. Now that Thor had a son of his own, his father's actions completely horrified him. King or not, pressure or not, Thor could never do (or let it be done) to Vali. He'd take the pain himself before letting Vali feel it.

"And I take it you had no idea that he was planning this," Odin's question was directed back at Loki.

Thor opened his mouth to explain that he hadn't planned it, but Loki spoke before him, "No I did not," Loki glared at him, and then transferred that glare to Odin, "but now that the fool has done it, I promise you that I will not let you do to Vali what you did to his brothers and sister." The threat was very real, as was the insult towards Thor. Loki meant them both.

"I will not let it happen either," Thor's words were just as serious as Loki's, even if they lacked the venom. 

"You believe that your support will make the difference?"

"Yes," Thor wasn't completely sure, but he didn't let that doubt sound in his voice, "I know it will. I am Asgard's golden son, and they will do as I wish. It isn't fair and it isn't right, but they will listen to me where they ignored and ridiculed Loki. They may not agree with me, but they won't act against me." Whether or not Odin would was still a looming question, because convincing Asgard would mean nothing if they didn't persuade their king as well. 

"Even if none in Asgard will treat Vali as they did his siblings, that does not mean they will accept him," Odin stated it matter of factly, and gave no indication where he stood on the matter, "Asgard does not accept differences. To many, Loki was barely tolerated," Loki flinched, and Odin looked at him apologetically, "Vali will be your heir Thor, a future king of Asgard. There will be few who will accept that."

"I don't care what they will accept!" It frustrated Thor, knowing it, "Vali is my son, and that's final! I am not ashamed of him, do not want to change him, and that settles the matter. It will be a long time before Vali will take the throne. Asgard will evolve before then, will be accepting by then. Me supporting Vali will begin it, and it will make us stronger." 

It was a lofty prediction, but Thor truly believed it possible. If the people would allow it, it could happen, and Asgard would be the better for it. Even with the way they were acting now, Thor still had faith in the people of Asgard. Loki would call it a fool's hope, but Thor would always believe in the best of people. 

"There are those who would not care, those who would refuse to accept it. They would want Vali sent away. It isn't right, but there are many who would wish it to be done in the most painful manner possible. Most would not want that, but they will want him gone. Perhaps not right away, but in time. Even with Thor's support, it will not stop the cries for Vali to be disinherited and sent away. It will be done quietly, but the whispers will reach me all the same. They will call me to action. It is what Asgard will want."

"To Hel with what Asgard wants!" Thor shouted, "They are wrong! There is nothing wrong with Vali! Vali has power that none of them understand, but what right does that give them to hate him? How could you just stand there and let it happen? How could you listen to their poison words and actually follow them?" there was honest confusion now, "How could you let them think that it was right, when your own son was these things they hated? Loki shapeshifts and uses magic, just like our son. Had you stopped them...had you stopped me, we wouldn't be here. You told me to stop teasing my brother, but you never explained why I was doing something wrong. I know I should have figured it out myself, but when I couldn't, how could you not take the opportunity to make me understand that there was nothing wrong with the way Loki was, the way he wished to be?"

Thor had long wondered about that. He knew that his father didn't disapprove of Loki's magi and tactics. So why had he never made it clear that Loki had his approval? Especially when the mocking began to get to unbearable levels? It could have saved everyone so much pain.

Thor didn't think Odin would answer the question, and was surprised when he did, "I had thought that my allowing Loki to study magic so openly would be proof enough of my support. I put the matter out of my mind. I am not omniscient, and by the time I realized that there was a problem, it was too late. If I said something then, it would look like I was fighting Loki's battles for him, and it would have made things worse. I thought it the best course of action at the time."

That was the problem. When it came to family matters, Odin's 'best course of action' was usually not the one that ended in the best possible manner. That Odin would not be budged from his choices only made it all worse. 

"You say to Hel with Asgard," Odin continued, "but what if it is what I want? What if I deem it best for Vali to leave Asgard. It would not be in the same manner as his siblings and it would be years from now, but what if that is my decision? What if I was to declare Vali unfit to be your heir?" 

"Then I will renounce my name and my claim to the throne. I will leave Asgard, never to return. I'll take Loki and Vali with me," a pause, "Fenrir as well, and Sleipnir if he wishes to go."

"Eimmyria has offered Vali and I sanctuary if we need it," Loki interrupted, "if you so much as hint that you plan to do something, I will go. I will not stay here and wait for you to banish, chain or gods knows what else, Vali. I'm smarter than I once was, and know I cannot trust you to act in my children's best interest. Do not try to convince me otherwise, because we all know that it is lies."

Bitter insanity was creeping into Loki's voice, and well it was warranted, it was something that could make this turn for the worst. To stop the tirade that was just beginning, Thor spoke again.

"I honestly don't care about your wishes or decisions Father. You will not treat Vali as you did his siblings," Thor's tone gave no room for argument, "it was wrong, what was done to them. I cannot change what has happened, but I promise you now that I will not let you hurt Vali as you hurt them."

Odin studied him before answering, "You never once protested the treatment the others received." 

"Because I was a bastard and a fool. I know better now. I know that they are my nephews and niece, and I understand that I should have stopped you from allowing any of it to happen. I should have protected them, should have loved them without hesitation. You should have as well, Mother also. We all failed them, failed Loki, and that is unforgivable. I failed, but at least I acknowledge it. I've learned from my mistakes. I won't stand by and let it happen again."

Odin looked at him thoughtfully, studying him in a way that made Thor want to fidget. When Odin spoke again, there was pride underlining his voice, "You've grown my son. It always grieved me, the way you reacted when the fate of Loki's children was decided. Your lack of protest made it easier for me, but I was always disappointed that you did not stand by your brother when he needed you. As a king it suited my purposes, but as a father it grieved me deeply." 

"Enough!" Loki snapped, "Your past mistakes don't matter right now! No matter how much you hurt them, my other children don't matter right now! Tell me what you plan to do to my son!" 

Odin's expression was calculating, and it was obvious he was going over his options in his head. He was weighing all the factors, trying to figure out the best course of action. The fact that Odin could (would) not come out immediately in support of Vali broke Thor's heart, and in the moment, he lost a little more faith in his father. It shouldn't have had to be a decision thought over, and Thor couldn't understand how it was. The passing time terrified him, made his heart pound. This is where his plan would either fall apart or be a success, and Odin was taking his time coming to a decision. Finally, Odin sighed.

"I will take no action against Vali, and will stop others from doing the same. That does not mean others will accept this, or that it will be easy, but I promise you he will come to no harm under my orders."

Thor could have cried in relief, but he knew it wasn't over yet, "And later on? A year from now, a hundred, a thousand? Will you look at Vali and keep this promise then? Or will you once again listen to what hateful fools want instead of protecting your own family?"

Odin raised an eyebrow, "Much can change in a thousand years Thor. What if Vali becomes a legitimate threat. It is possible, and much more dangerous then normal because of his shapeshifting. You wish me to promise that I would let him run rampant?" 

Odin had a point, but Thor was unwilling to allow him to have it. He was too close to give Odin any leeway, "I'd have your promise that you will not send Vali away or trap him without cause. I'd have your promise that you'll allow Loki and I to make decisions about Vali's future. If a time comes that Vali is dangerous, you will allow us to take care of it. You trusted me with a dangerous and mad Loki, so you should have no problem trusting me if my son becomes the same. Those are the promises I would have you give Father."

"Very well," Odin said gravely, "you have my promise on both your points."

The joy that overtook Thor almost overcame him. Thor could have hugged his father and babbled his thanks. Vali was safe. The king was the only one who could force anything, and no matter who else said anything, or even what they said, they could do nothing to harm Vali. If they were to try anything, Thor would punish them for it. Things hadn't gone wrong. Thor's risk had been the right move. His impulsiveness hadn't backfired. It wasn't perfect, but all would be well. 

"You have your oaths Thor. Now leave us, for I'd like a word with your brother." 

Loki watched the joy fade from Thor's relieved face. Horror quickly replaced it, and his wide eyes flew to Loki. For his part, Loki looked back impassively. He held a tight control over his emotions and was unwilling to let it slip. If he let himself feel right now, he'd break into a million little pieces. There was too many emotions whirling inside him -betrayal, rage, terror, tentative relief, hope- and if he let one loose then they'd all break free and drown him.

He had no idea why his father wanted to speak to him alone. Loki wasn't sure why Thor looked so horrified, because he doubted Odin was planning anything too terrible. That would be far too obvious. 

"What?" Thor stammered, "Father, no! Why-"

"This, my son," Odin replied, "is non-negotiable." 

Thor began to protest further, but Loki cut him off, "Go Thor," he said it without looking at him, instead staring unwaveringly in Odin's eyes. Odin just stared back.

"What?" Thor sounded shocked.

"I've survived three of these meetings," Loki said, "I'll survive a fourth," Thor still hesitated, "Go. Now." 

Thor was reluctant to do so, but he did leave. He kept glancing back over his shoulder, wanting nothing ore than to grab Loki and run. Finally, Odin and Loki were alone. Loki was the first to speak.

"What do you want?" 

Odin didn't answer the question, and it wasn't a surprise, "It's strange of you to be silent while Thor makes the argument," That was, not exactly a lie (Loki has used his silver tongue to get them in and out of situations), but a gross misremembering- there had been more than a few arguments in the past where Loki had either been ignored or outright silenced. Now was not the time to correct Odin on that, "My words have never made a difference in the past. I thought it was time to try a different approach."

Loki's sarcasm was biting, and he didn't even try to hold it back. He was furious that Thor was able to plead for his child and win when all Loki had done was fail in the past, even as he was fiercely grateful for it. He refused to let himself wonder if, had Vali been his alone, would Odin have given his promise.

Odin was looking at him, no longer aloof as he was when speaking with Thor, but tired and guilty. It was a look Loki had often seen Odin bestowing upon him since his return. It was the look of a man who knew he had made mistakes, even if he wasn't completely sure what those mistakes were.

"Yet," Loki continued, "I do admit that you came to your decision rather quickly after finding out the news. Thor's support would make a difference, but that not that much of a difference. You take time to come to your decisions Father, and yet this one you made in one conversation. It makes me think you already had a plan in mind if something like this were to happen." 

Thor would have been shocked that their father would have a contingency plan, but Loki had expected no less. He did, after all, have a tendency to birth creatures the King would later have to deal with. 

Odin didn't insult his intelligence by denying it, "When you announced you were expecting, I made myself sit down and think about all I'd done before. I knew which of my actions helped lead to your fall, and I swore that I would net make those mistakes again."

Loki laughed harshly, "And you think a less than heartfelt promise that you'll let us handle Vali is so drastically different? A promise you gave only after pointing out that my newborn may one day be a threat you see fit to be brought down? I'll admit it's an improvement on what you bestowed on my others, but pardon me if it doesn't inspire confidence." 

"I had planned to support you if the child wasn't normal. I planned on protecting your child no matter what. When Vali was born normal, I will admit to relief that it was an issue I did not need to deal with. Tonight...tonight I was presented with the very thing I prepared myself for. When your brother demanded it of me, I faltered in my oath." 

Another case of Odin's best intentions falling apart.

"It's because he's like me, isn't it?" It was a bitter truth for Loki to swallow, "you prepared yourself for a creature, but Vali is like me. That's why you paused. It's why you brought up the future. You've seen what I can do, know how much damage I can do, and fear the same in my son. That's why you could not bring yourself to give your full support without reservation." 

Loki hated it, and wished he hadn't figured it out. 

Odin winced, and the motion, small as it was, made Loki happy. It was a happiness born in the desire to hurt others like he had been hurt, but he didn't care. Finally, Odin spoke again, and he sounded old and tired, "I did not take them to hurt you."

"I know," and despite the pain and anguish he had felt, Loki believed Odin in this, "but that did not make it hurt any less." 

Loki though that Odin could understand that pain now. He had gone years believing Loki dead, and then even more watching Loki loose himself in madness. Odin knew what it was to be helpless to stop your child's pain and suffering. He knew what it was to have any control over your child's fate ripped out of your hands.

"I need to know why. You tell me you did not take them to punish me, and despite myself I believe you. So why?" Odin hesitated, "Tell me!"

It was too similar to their conversation so long ago, when Loki learned the truth of his heritage. It was making his head spin, and he swore that if his Father fell into an inconvenient Odinsleep, he would kill something.

Odin sighed, and he looked weary, "You've heard tales of Jotun who take the form of beasts...it is what happens when Jotun blood is mixed with that of other races. Not always, but it is common for half breeds."

"That is why you dismissed my questions at Jorgamund's birth. You did not want me to ask questions and find answers that would lead to the truth about me."

"I handled the truth of your heritage in the wrong manner, I know that now. I should have told you when you were young. As time went on, I couldn't do it for fear that you would no longer look at me and love me as your father. It was a selfish choice."

Loki had heard this before, more than once, and he (finally) believed Odin's reasoning, flawed as it was. It was an excuse he could almost understand, the fear of losing the love of your child, but it was an excuse nonetheless. 

"But how could you believe that separating me from them would keep my heritage secret? Surely you didn't think taking them from me would make me love them less, make me forget about them? Or did you think it would give me something to focus on so that I would never find the truth?" The last idea horrified him.

"No," Odin dismissed it quickly, "it was not that. You were quick to take my word on Jorgamund's shape," Loki still had had complete faith in his father then, "I did nothing in order to cause a distraction, but it is why I could not love them like they deserved. Sleipnir was different, and not only because of the guilt I felt. I never worried that he'd make you question, even with the extra legs. The others...every time I looked at them, I saw children who could unravel everything, reveal every secret I so desperately wanted to keep. I didn't hate them, didn't see them as monsters. I feared them for what the could do to my family."

Loki didn't know what was worse, "Is that why you sent them away?"

"With Jorgamund is honestly was because a solution was needed for his weight gain. Midgard was the logical choice, and I assumed that you would agree. It didn't occur to me that you would protest, which is why I did not tell you beforehand. Afterwards...I can be a stubborn old man Loki, one who doesn't like to admit that he can be at fault. Your protests had more merit than my plan, but I dismissed them out of pride."

It was not like Odin to admit to his faults when it wasn't the subject of secret keeping, and it surprised Loki that he would. Loki was glad, because this was the time for a frank discussion. There could be no flaws in communication, no misunderstandings here. 

"What you did to Hela and Fenrir was cruel," Loki accused, "Hela was a child and what was done to Fenrir was torture. The chains aside, a sword was struck through his jaws. It was a flawed choice with Jorgamund, but necessity deemed he be sent away. It wasn't necessary for Fenrir and Hela!"

Odin sighed, and Loki heard the guilt in the sound. It gave him venomous satisfaction, "I did not order the sword. A soldier took that upon himself, and he was severely punished for it. I did what I did to protect them...and I'm not good at that when it comes to family. The people feared them both, and my ravens told me rumblings were turning into plans to do something. They wanted to hurt them, especially Fenrir. I acted before they could. They saw Fenrir as dangerous, so I locked him away as if he was. If he was helpless, then Asgard would have no reason to fear him and he would be left alone. It was drastic and it was cruel, but it was what I knew to be sufficient to stop their fear.

"Hela...how could she ever be happy here? Everyone looked at her in fear or disgust, and Hela wasn't blind to it. She had no place in Asgard, but I believed she would find her place in Hel. It was her destiny to go, and I believed it would be easier to adapt as a child. Surely Hel, for all its loneliness, was better than Asgard's scorn and hate?" 

Loki studied his father as he digested his words. Loki wished that he could believe him completely. It would make it easier, would soothe some of the hurt. Yet he couldn't. There was truth there, but it was not all of it.

"You wanted to protect them, if only for my sake. I believe you, but don't insult my intelligence by telling me that that was your only reason. You wouldn't have wanted any true harm to come to them, and perhaps you wouldn't have acted had you no perceived a threat. I don't even think you used it as an excuse to punish them, but they weren't your primary concern. You are King of Asgard, and you are always king first. You may not have wanted your grandchildren hurt, but your first concern was the harm they could do to Asgard...just as it was when you learned of Vali's shapeshifting. You knew that if either Fenrir or Hela were openly attacked, they would not go down easily. Fenrir could cut a bloody swath through Asgard before he was caught. You were only able to capture him because of trickery, and it would have been near impossible to do it openly. If they attacked Hela and killed her, it would have thrown everything off balance. She had always been destined to rule Hel because of her condition, but if she was fully dead, she would not be able to. Helheim would never have the ruler the Norns wove for it, and that would be disastrous for Yggdrasil. If Hela was attacked and survived, she'd one day have a realm of unkillable soldiers. If she ever decided to march on Asgard in retaliation, there would be nothing you could to do stop her. Her exile made her disdain you, but outright violence would have made her hate you all. With Fenrir bound and helpless, you can even have her brother as leverage to hold over her in case Hel ever shows signs of unrest.

"It may have saved them from being outright killed, but it was not in their best interests. Your actions may have protected them from Asgard, but your primary concern was how to ultimately protect Asgard from them. It always will be. You will always put Asgard first, even before your family. It might make you a fine king, but a terrible father." 

It was the hard truth, as much as neither of them wanted to truly acknowledge it. Odin didn't argue or deny it, and for that Loki was grateful. Knowing that Odin would always see his children's pain as secondary to Asgard hurt, but for Odin to lie about it would be worse. The truth hurt, but it was better than more lies. 

"That's why I don't trust you," Loki told him bluntly, "not with my children. They will always be my first priority, and you will always be willing to hurt them to protect the realm that always calls for their pain."

"You were willing to bind Vali's shapeshifting, despite knowing the pain it causes, to protect him," Loki began to violently protest, but Odin cut him off, "I know it's not the same as I did, nor am I trying to convince you that it is." 

"I've learned from your mistakes. Because of your punishment, I know exactly what not to do. It would have been a spell attached to a removable object, not attached to Vali's person. It would be removed whenever he wasn't in public, and he would have been free to shapeshift. Once he learned control, it wouldn't be necessary at all. But none of that matters now."

He was furious with Thor, and he planned to make Thor aware of it as soon as this meeting with his father was over. 

"You don't trust me, and I do not blame you for it," Odin said, "I've asked you to forgive me in the past, and I'll beg it of you now. Even so, I don't expect it...I don't deserve it. I harmed your children, and that is unforgivable. You have always been a better father than me, and I envy you the ability to put your children first. As much as I want to, too many years on the throne have made me otherwise."

If Odin had tried to make that an excuse, Loki would have lashed out at him violently. Instead, he stated it as a fact- a fault of him that grieves him.

"I won't forgive you, not for what you did to them," Odin looked mournful, but gave no objections or pleas, "other slights yes, but never that. I do not hate you for it, though I should. I believe you want to keep the promise you made to Thor about Vali, but I doubt you will if it will be for the safety of Asgard. You said that Fenrir and Hela were treated so badly because you needed to protect them? Then we must ensure that there is nothing for him to be protected against. Your silence allowed cruel whispers to become full blown violent plans. Had you said something, anything, to put a stop to it from Jorgamund's birth, it wouldn't have been an issue. You did not tell them otherwise, so Asgard assumed calling my children monsters and treating them as such was acceptable. You will come out in support of Vali. You will not be silent this time. You will announce that Vali remains Thor's heir and your beloved grandson. You will say in no uncertain terms that Vali's apparent magic is supported, and if you hear otherwise you will quash it. You will give your solemn vow, just me, not Thor, that Vali will not be sent away for his shapeshifting. Even if I don't trust you to always hold that oath, I need to hear it. If you do not do even one of those things, I will take my sons and leave, and it will be permanent. If you do not give this, there will be no reconciliation, no forgiveness this time."

It was an ultimatum, and Odin knew it to be one. Perhaps because he knew Loki already understood what came with a promise from the Allfather, he agreed faster than he had with Thor, "You have my oath on this. I will return to the feast and make the announcement. Come, I'm sure your brother has come up with many terrifying scenarios to what I'm doing to you in here. Let's put his mind at east," Loki stiffened at the mention of Thor's name, and Odin noticed, "Will you forgive him for this?"

Would he? Could he forgive Thor for so blatantly putting Vali in danger? For being exactly like Odin in taking charge of his son's fate while completely ignoring Loki's wishes? Loki was enraged, wanted to throttle Thor. He wanted to scream until Thor knew how much of an idiot he was. IT didn't matter that it was successful, this was still too big of a gamble when Vali's future was at stake. 

"That depends," Loki's voice was cold, "your and his support will keep him physically safe, but far from guarantees him happiness. I'm far less confident in Asgard's ability to change than Thor is, and if Vali experiences even a quarter of the misery I did, my forgiveness is the last thing Thor will ever hope to receive."

Odin looked grave at that, "Then let us hope that Thor is right. I don't want any of you to be miserable."

They left the room, Loki first. Thor was outside, pacing and not even trying to hide how frantic he was. He stopped mid-stride when the door opened, his eyes wide as his face flew to them. He looked them both over, probably searching for any signs of either wounds or tears. When he saw none, Loki saw the panic fade. It didn't stop the worry.

"I'll leave you two," Odin looked at Loki, "would you like my speech to be given now, or wait until the two of you return?" 

"Now, but give an encore when we return," Odin nodded and turned to leave, but Loki's cold voice stopped him, "break your promises Father, and you will regret it. I'm not the man I once was, and I will no longer let this stand. Hurt my child and Asgard will feel my wrath. This time, Thor will be fighting on my side."

Odin didn't look back as he left, "I'd expect nothing less."

When Odin was gone, Thor finally acted. He rushed towards Loki, reaching out to him. 

"Loki, are you-"

"Don't touch me!" Loki snapped, ripping his arm away. 

"Loki-"

"Don't you dare! Do you know what you've done? We made a decision together Thor, together! You had no right to go against that on a whim!"

Thor saw the rage on Loki's face and instinctively took a step back. Loki grinned viciously when he saw it.

"I told you what could happen if Vali was found out, and you go and announce it in front of the whole court! How could you just decide to do that? Are you incapable of using your mind at all!" 

Thor winced, "But...but all has turned out well..." Thor didn't sound certain. 

Loki snarled, "You have no idea if this will turn out well or not! As of right now, all you have is Father's promise not do to anything. Father and I have an understanding, and part of it is my knowing exactly what his word is worth! Maybe that will never change, and maybe your threats will stop everyone from outright rejecting him, but it will not make them love him! There are a million little ways that one can make their hate known without stating it outright! I know that Thor, I know that! I know what he will experience, and I do not want that for my son! It is a pain he shouldn't have to know, and now you've given him no choice!" 

How could Thor take the possibility of a happy life away? How could he? There would have been issues to work through if they hid Vali's shapeshifting, but it would be as great as this.

"I won't let them!" Thor shouted, but there was a tinge of desperation in there, "Vali will be happy! I will make it so! We will make it so!" 

Loki laughed bitterly, "I've never done anything less than my damndest to make my children happy despite the forces again us. I'll do it now, and you better pray that all goes as you hope. As for 'we', there is no we outside of the fact that we are both Vali's parents. The We you mean, you broke the moment you ignored my wishes completely and just did what you wanted. I don't trust you, and I will not be with someone I do not trust." 

Thor looked stricken, "You...you're divorcing me?"

"I believe on Midgard they call it a separation. Whether or not I divorce you is entirely dependant on whether or not I ever forgive you. Right now, the odds are not in your favour." 

Thor wanted to argue, to beg, to do anything. Instead, he bowed his head and let his heart break, "Very well Loki. It is your choice, and I will respect it. I love you, and because of that I'll leave our fate up to you," he paused, feeling the churning in his stomach, "but...but what about Vali..."

Loki could demand that he stay far away from Vali, and Thor would do it. He would do it because it was Loki's wish, and because it was the blunt truth that Thor had risked Vali's safety in a desperate gamble. It could have easily gone the other way, and Thor knew that Loki had every reason to be enraged.

"I will not keep him from you," Loki snapped, "your support of Vali is essential in order for this to work. Forbidding you from seeing him would not present that to the world," Loki didn't soften, but there wasn't as much venom, "besides, I know you did what you did out of love. Just because I can't forgive you doesn't mean I'll deprive Vali of the father who so clearly loves him."

Thor choked up, was grateful, "Thank you."

Loki glared at that, "I don't do it for you," Thor knew that, but was grateful all the same, "we need to get back to the feast."

Thor followed Loki as he made his way back to the feasting hall. He had won Vali's freedom, and it had cost him Loki in return.


	10. Chapter Ten

One Year Later

Loki wasn't going to be pleased with him.

It was not his fault of course, that his trip to Midgard with Vali had not turned out as quiet as he had promised. He had made sure that villain activity was at a low, that the other superhero teams were available to handle any situations that were less than planet wide threats. His team mates had all promised to avoid dangers being brought back to the mansion (or in Tony's case, causing them inside the mansion) for the week that Vali was with them. It had taken much to convince Loki to allow Vali to travel with him, and it was only Thor's promise to keep the baby away from all harm that had swayed.

Thor had kept to that promise right up until the end. His allies, new and old, had adored Vali, their various children as well. No matter how they felt about Loki, they did not let it affect their feelings for his son (Thor reckoned the moment that Vali had completely won them over was when he had shifted to have Lady Natasha's hair). They also never let those feelings shadow their condolences over his broken relationship with Loki. 

They had known about the separation before the visit of course. Thor had been down to Earth a handful of times in the past year, mostly to deal with threats. The first visit, one not directly related to a threat, had been two months after Thor had moved himself back to his old rooms. The empty bed and silence had been too much, and he had fled to Earth to escape it all. His friends' sympathetic ears had helped, and he had returned to Asgard three weeks later, no more at peace with the situation, but at least able to cope with it.

On this visit, the day before they were to return to Asgard, Thor had arranged for Jorgamund to rise from the ocean to meet his baby brother. He had gotten Loki to send the message via magic before he had left, had gotten Stark's permission to use his private island for the day. It was out of the way, and it provided an isolated spot for Jorgamund to surface without causing mass panic amongst the mortals. They had spent most of the day with the step-child that, quite frankly, terrified Thor. 

Jorgamund had not come alone, but had brought his mate and youngest child (almost old enough to find her own body of water to establish herself in, Jorgamund had informed him proudly) as well. Upon being presented to his brother, a wide eyed Vali had taken one look, and promptly given himself black scales to match, and forever won Jorgamund's adoration.

It was an odd meeting given the fact that Vali wasn't even the size of one of Jorgamund's fangs, but all parties (including a fearful Thor) enjoyed themselves. The day was almost at an end when Doctor Doom, who had somehow found out about their secret meeting, attacked. Thor hadn't listened to everything the doctor said (he was busy protecting a screaming Vali and fighting Doombots), but from what he understood, the plan was to kill Thor, kidnap Vali and lure Loki back to Earth (one day Thor would ask Loki if Doom's obvious jealously had any basis in fact, he really would). Unfortunately for Doom, Jorgamund had not approved of that plan. The serpent had used his body to smash the army of Doombots in under a minute, and his daughter (serpent shaped like her father) had wrapped herself around the villain and held him until the Fantastic Four had arrived to take him away. All had ended well, but he doubted Loki would accept that. 

Their custody agreement (what his Midgardian friends called it) with was fair. Loki was Vali's primary care giver, but only on rare occasions (such as when Loki planned a trip to Alfheim) did he ever limit Thor's access to their son. Thor was glad that Loki had kept his word, even allowed him to take Vali for days at a time. Though, after what happened on Earth, that might change. 

The separation still hurt, and Thor felt his heart break again every time he saw Loki. They still appeared together in public as the royal couple, and it was during those times he could still pretend that everything was alright between them. Loki was polite, courteous even, as was expected of him. In private, it was all different. The only time they interacted in private was when they traded off Vali. Those meetings had been brief and to the point in the beginning. Now, they lasted longer, had more conversation and didn't leave Thor near tears every time. In the beginning, Loki had been harsh and angry whenever they spoke. That had faded in time, leaving an aloof Loki that frustrated Thor even more. Aloof Loki gave no signs of what he was feeling, and it left Thor floundering. At least with an angry Loki, Thor knew where he stood. 

Vali was the only thing that still bound them together. The moments they shared by talking about him were some of the happiest Thor had experienced in the past year. They both loved Vali too much to be harsh when discussing him. In those moments, especially in the past few months, Loki softened with him. When they spoke of their son, Loki could sometimes smile, even laugh, at the tales Thor recounted. When it happened, Thor could truly believe that Loki would be able to forgive him someday. 

Thor's return to Asgard was done with little fanfare, and the first thing Thor wanted to do was return to his room and take a long, hot bath. He was tempted, but knew the wiser course of action would be to return Vali to Loki first. He did not relish the thought of explaining to Loki, but it was best to get it out of the way. 

Sighing, Thor began the long trek to Loki's rooms. Vali was asleep in his new stroller (a 'baby shower' gift from the Avengers). The device received odd looks from those they passed, but Thor liked it. It was much more convenient than carrying the baby everywhere. When he arrived at Loki's door, he knocked and waited for an answer. Loki was dressed more causally than Thor had seen him in months, and it send a pang through him. It was his husband in front of him, not the man who dressed in full armour (damn helmet and all) whenever he met with Thor.

"Hello Loki," Thor said softly, smiling despite himself. 

He wished more than anything that he could pull Loki into his arms and keep him there. Thor itched to do so, but he was not such a fool as that. He had many ideas how he could begin to try and win Loki back, but he would do nothing until Loki gave even the smallest sign that he was receptive to it. Doing so before would only enrage Loki further. 

"Thor," Loki replied blandly. The blandness was replaced with a soft smile when he looked down at Vali and touched his sleeping face. When he looked back at Thor, it was with a raised eyebrow. 

"It was a gift from my friends," Thor explained, "Tony Stark has added many improvements, or so he tells me. I do not understand them all, but I'm sure you will figure them out."

Loki made a non-comitial hum, studying the stroller closely. Thor stood there, feeling more awkward with every second Loki continued to ignore him. Finally, he turned to leave, but Loki's voice stopped him. 

"Thor, don't you have something to tell me?"

Thor winced, "Ah. You know then."

"Do you really thing I would let you take Vali out of the realm without me and I would not watch? Father's ravens were more than willing to be my eyes."

"It really was not my fault! I did all that I could, but Doctor Doom-"

"Do not fret about dear Victor. He'll not be trying anything like this again," Loki's grin was razor sharp and vicious, bringing back memories of his years as a supervillain. 

Thor almost asked how Loki knew such a thing, but stopped himself. Loki was forbidden from traveling to Earth, and if he was doing so in secret, it was best for everyone that Thor not know about it.

"That is good," Thor said instead, sounding hopeful, "does this mean I will be able to take Vali with me to Midgard again?"

"We'll see," it was not a definite no, so Thor took that as a good sign.

"I'll leave you then," it pained Thor to do so, "have a good night Loki."

A hand on his arm stopped him, "Thor...I'm about to have dinner. Would you like to join me?"

Thor could have cried from sheer joy, wanted to wrap Loki up in a hug and never let him go. He knew that neither of them would endear Loki to him. Loki's simple gesture had to be met without something equally simple.

"Aye. I would like that."

l.l.l.l.l 

Epilogue- Nineteen Years Later

"Push your highness!" 

Loki's scream drowned out the end of the midwife's command. He did as he was told, ready to weep that it was almost over.

He had been in labour for over a day and was desperate for it to just end. His mother sat at one of his sides holding his hand, Thor -pale and sick looking but not ready to pass out as he had at Vali's birth- on his other. His father was in Odinsleep, had been for the length of Loki's pregnancy. Vali, still a small child and who had decided six months ago to be a warrior maiden like his Aunt Sif and had yet to change back, was being watched by the ever vigilant Warriors Four and entertained by an equally excited Grani (Loki had been correct- the custody battle over the offspring of a valkerie's steed had been Hel). 

"Here it comes! One final push!"

Loki pushed, screaming the whole time. He felt a tiny, struggling body emerge from his, and fell back against the pillow in relief. It took him a moment to realize that he did not hear sounds of a newborn. He opened his eyes urgently and looked at the midwife. 

"Well?" Thor prompted the wide eyed healer.

"The child...he is not..." the woman stammered, "it isn't..."

"Show him now!" Loki snarled, fear and pain mixing. He had seen this before, knew this reaction, and it terrified him.

Wordlessly, the woman showed them their son. Instead of a screaming baby, it was a mewling kitten that she held.

Both Loki and Thor stared at him in shock. It was Thor who managed to find his voice first, "Oh."

No, no...no!

Loki's world shattered. This was not Vali, an otherwise normal baby who had magic. This was another child born in beastly form. It would be another child taken from him, another-

Loki's desperate thoughts were cut off by Thor speaking. He no longer sounded bewildered of confused, or even overwhelmed that his second child was a cat. There was a note of challenge in his voice, the determination that had come when he had announced that Vali was a shapeshifter in front of the court of Asgard. 

"We shall name him Magni." 

And Loki laughed. 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, I leave you with the (sadly mental, since I can't draw worth a damn) image of the Loki family portrait.


End file.
